Such a hard time tonight

I am not sure why exactly, but I am having a terrible time tonight.  I just want to get it all out there.  Here is what I want to do.  I want to go to the store and buy a smaller sized bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos and three sticks of pepperoni.  Then I want to just sit in my car and take one bite of pepperoni and eat some chips.  One bite and some chips, one bit and some chips, etc.  I just want to go off big time right now.  I already ate some of my wife’s healthy nuts and I don’t know how many dang points I ate.  I had a 1 point hot dog already too.  What I really want is to forget about eating right and have some pizza and doughnuts too.  That sounds really freaking good right now.  Do you guys ever have those times where you just are like, “I want what I want dang it.  And I want junk until I am FULL.”  Not a bite or taste, but like I used to do back in the day before WW where I got totally full.  I saw my dad eating doughnuts today, maybe that is what set it off. 

Oh yeah, I never went into what I don’t want to do.  I don’t want to run.  I should go out for an hour according to my plans, but I am singing “Tomorrow, Tomorrow!”  Then I say no, I will run but only for thirty minutes.  Well, I went outside and it was freaking cold so I came right back in.  I ran for a total of 24 seconds.  How many points do I get for that.  Oh well, just letting out the pity party.  I don’t even want to put a pic in this darn post and that is just not like me.  I call it a funk.  I am in a funk.  Maybe my wife will kick me in the butt and get me out running.  See you later guys, I guess I am going to go running 🙂


STOP.  THERE IS AN UPDATE TO THIS POST.  PLEASE DO NOT STOP.  MOVE ON AND READ BELOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!







OK, I’M BACK.  It has been 1 hr since the post. Thank God I am back and thank God for you guys who listen to me babble.  I conquered.  I don’t have a camera right now, but if I did, I would take a picture of myself with all of my marathon medals and then tell you that the victory that I got tonight surpassed those combined.  I freakin made it.  I was in a serious funky pit for no reason.  After I wrote the post walked down stairs, put on my running stuff, and headed out the door.  “Dancing Queen” (embarrassing) came on the old Ipod and I took off down the driveway with force.  I ran and ran and ran until the end of my road (.35 miles) and jumped up like Rocky and screamed and felt like the champion of the world.  It was a huge victory.  A blessed victory. As always, the running cleared out my mind and got back up to earth from that dastardly pit.  I am out now.  I have even eaten.  Not many points left so I ate veggies like crazy but I am in the clear.  Thanks for your support.  I wish I could tell you all in person so that you could see my face and realize how wonderful I feel to have won this battle.  See you later.

38 Responses to “Such a hard time tonight”

  1. 1 Beth
    January 15, 2009 at 6:39 pm

    Wow Jason! Sounds like you had a tough day. I hope tomorrow is better. 🙂 Your Dad is coming by the plant tomorrow, I will be sure to let him know not to eat donuts in front of his baby boy. Hahahah!!

    • 2 run4change
      January 15, 2009 at 7:17 pm

      That is soooooo funny. I am so glad I am the baby boy. 🙂 My dad is so cool although I almost tackled him for the left over doughnuts

  2. January 15, 2009 at 6:40 pm

    I know exactly what you are going through. It may not be the best thing to do, but sometimes I have let myself pig out on healthier alternatives just to get it out. I think it is better to control yourself, but I am not always that strong. Good luck getting through the night.

    • 4 run4change
      January 15, 2009 at 7:18 pm

      Thank you. I have made it through the storm. It is gonna be alright. I will post a update on the post.

  3. 5 ladlam
    January 15, 2009 at 6:49 pm

    I’m having exactly the same problem today. All I want to do is go buy a muffin and a donut and just eat them both, then move on to the work cookie jar and eat those till I feel sick.
    Must…. resist!

  4. 7 robfitness
    January 15, 2009 at 6:50 pm

    Hope your OK bro..
    I have to tell you, I think I am the king of the pity parties. I know how you feel. This journey that we are on is a tough one with a lot of temptations in it. You know who is tempting you and you know you can’t let him with either.
    You’re a strong person inside and I know you have it in you to resist going back to the old ways. Look how far you have come, look how great you look and you have to feel the best that you have ever felt before. Plus if you did eat all the crap you would just make your self sick. Just thinking about that feeling always hinders me from going after those nice peanut butter cups in the grocery store.
    I know you can make it through this funk. You have all of us here to support you and we are here to help on another out on this journey of new life that we are on.
    Keep the Faith my brother and be strong. Resist those temptation just like our Lord Jesus Christ did.
    In the long run it will make you a stronger and more determined person.
    So get out there and run…. If you need a bit of a break that is OK too, just relax, take a deep breath and enjoy the break. Don’t let it be long though. Soon you’ll have that 40 miler to tackle. You have my addresses if you want to talk more.
    Take care and I’ll be keeping you in my prayers.

    • 8 run4change
      January 15, 2009 at 7:21 pm

      You are the man Rob. THanks. Make sure to come back to the post and check the update. I have good news.

  5. January 15, 2009 at 6:58 pm

    I have been feeling the same way! Not desiring cheetos and pepperoni. LOL. But wanting to eat fatty foods. I figured it out finally. I determined I was bored with the food in my refrigerator. And since I was bored, and I’m naturally uncreative when it comes to cooking, and top that off with the fact my oven is broken, I just want to eat what’s easy. Wheat thins come to mind. And I’m tired. When I’m really tired it’s worse. I’ve been craving all the fatty foods that got me to my heaviest. I also think it’s self sabotage. It’s hard to keep going, doing the right thing and eating right. It really is. I think that for us – those of us who have had weight issues and unhealthy eating habits – it is going to be a lifelong process. One day at a time. I guess that’s what I save my weekly points for. Those times when I want crap food – I can stop and have that hot dog with real mayo and cheese. And then when tomorrow comes, I can start all over again and not have done too much damage. But I never, ever want to get back to where I was when I started. This has been a LOT of very HARD work to get here and I don’t want to have to do it TWICE. I’m stubborn that way.

    Hope that helps. Just wanted to say, I do understand, and yes, I have felt -and am feeling – that way too.

  6. January 15, 2009 at 7:09 pm

    Jason, you devote so much of your time to this journey…perhaps you’re tired? It takes so much energy to be “good” day after day. Are you into all or nothing thinking or being Perfect like I’ve been feeling I need to be? Is something deeper troubling you?
    I haven’t thought of totally pigging out on junk yet (I haven’t got any around) but I’m sure those days will hit me too. I did binge the other day on stuff I had around the house, though.
    It wasn’t really the food I wanted but I didn’t want to feel my feelings.

    • 12 run4change
      January 15, 2009 at 7:24 pm

      You know. I am tired and well not sure really. But I do tend to be an all or nothing guy but that is a big one that I am working on. Check the post soon I will have an update there.

  7. January 15, 2009 at 7:09 pm

    I’m right there with you….I call it my grazing phases. I just wanna graze the house and put everything into my mouth I can find. I’m definately having one of those nights. I’ve already had kashi crackers and laughing cow cheese, a couple handfuls of popcorn, 2 pickles, and a diet cherry 7-up. What I really wanted was some chocolate covered banana chips, or a good glazed donut. BUT we all know that what we want isn’t always whats best for us. One day at a time my friend.

    • 14 run4change
      January 15, 2009 at 7:25 pm

      That is so cool that you listed what you had. I love that I love your honesty. You are great. Check the post again. I am going to update it right now.

  8. 15 CJ
    January 15, 2009 at 7:36 pm

    We all go through these “funks”, if you will! When I get over stressed, over-tired, and over-worked, I feel the very same way! Sometimes, I have even had the binge, only to feel terrible, for caving in and from eating horrible food. We are all human and go through these ups and downs. Get some rest and stay away from the doritos (one of my weaknesses too)!

  9. 17 ladlam
    January 15, 2009 at 7:39 pm

    Good on you Jason! Funny how even a quick run can make you feel so much better! Hopefully you getting through your need to eat will motivate me to get through mine! Only 3.5 more hours till I can do a workout and forget all this 😀

  10. 19 robfitness
    January 15, 2009 at 7:41 pm

    Man I am so proud of you! I knew you could do it. What a great feeling it is when you conquer such a battle that you and many of us face. Keep up the great work.

    • 20 run4change
      January 15, 2009 at 7:43 pm

      I did Rob. I made it. It was a tuffy, a real tuffy and I am not sure why but it was. God got me through though

  11. January 15, 2009 at 7:43 pm

    Love the update! YAY! Way to go! And ABBA – the best for moving, no doubt. That, and the Bee Gees.

  12. January 15, 2009 at 7:48 pm

    It’s been one of those weeks for me. Hang in there. It feels so good to get through it. Was glad to see your update.

  13. 24 run4change
    January 15, 2009 at 7:49 pm

    Thansk Alexia. I am hanging in now. For about an hour though i justed wanted to eat like a mad man.

  14. January 15, 2009 at 7:59 pm

    I had pop tarts and a three musketeer bar today. There must be something in the air. I did not go over my WW points, but I was frustrated with my decision. My justification about the pop tarts is that they are whole grain pop tarts. Anyway, way to conquer your desires. You rocked it. Hang in there and God will help you through the fire.

  15. 26 run4change
    January 15, 2009 at 8:09 pm

    Thanks meepa. You’ll be alright. You stayed within your points. Maybe not the best decision but a real life decision it was. The fact that you stayed in your points is what really matters. And you got to eat some yummies. Thanks for your encouragement. I did rock it. This time 🙂

  16. 27 maggieapril
    January 16, 2009 at 2:34 am

    Nice job overcoming the urge to binge. It’s tough, isn’t it? And then we feel so miserable afterwards that it wipes out all the (short term) satisfaction the food provided.

    • 28 run4change
      January 16, 2009 at 5:23 am

      Isn’t that true. You do it, and you get to enjoy how great the food is for about: oh 30 seconds. Then the guilt sets in and fear, etc. Maggieapril, you hit the nail on the head with that comment.

  17. January 16, 2009 at 3:17 am

    way to rock it Jason. It is encouraging to know that men also have “wanna eat the whole house and then some” days. Anf then to see how you rocked it. I have found for myself that once I put my struggle put into the universe (whether it be blog world or telling a friend) it seems to lose its power. THen actually doing exactly what I DONT want to do makes my decision to not do what I want to do(eat) all the easier!

    My super motivating song is The FInal Countdown. I start it as I come out of the locker room and head up to the gym. Then it plays every 4th song on my IPOD, which is right about the time I want to quit!!! HA!

    • 30 run4change
      January 16, 2009 at 5:25 am

      I laughed when I saw you motivating song. That was the first song I ever got on CD. I listened to it for hours on end. I love it to. I also have it on my ipod. THanks for the comment and it does help to send all that junk thinking out into the universe

  18. 31 amandacav
    January 16, 2009 at 5:01 am

    I’m so glad you feel better now… I had one of those days yesterday, but I wasn’t strong enough to get past it and I gave in. I’m still feeling the after effects today, so I’m glad one of us didn’t cave! Keep up the great work!

    • 32 run4change
      January 16, 2009 at 5:27 am

      It will be alright. The only difference between the two situations was about a 2 second decision I guess. I am telling you, I was so close. I am sure I could have done it and all would have went on just as well (is it will for you), but I didn’t want to you know what I mean. THat is what the struggle was. I wanted to and I didn’t want to. Cognitive disonance.

  19. January 16, 2009 at 5:06 am

    “You can dance, you can jive…having the time of your life…” Oh I love Dancing Queen and I hope I got those lyrics right. WAY TO GO, Jason!!!!!!!!!!! Congrats on the comeback. I have definitely had those moments and almost had one last night and was able to stop myself. We will overcome!!!

    • 34 run4change
      January 16, 2009 at 5:29 am

      I thought it was “you can dance, you CAN DIE, having the time of you life” :). No really, that is what it sounds like to me but I always figured that it couldn’t be DIE. HAHAHAHAHA Now I know that it is Jive. Thanks for that. Great job on the victory LTer

  20. January 16, 2009 at 7:26 am

    You are seriously amazing. Thank you so much for putting this all out there and giving a voice to the same struggle that so many of us feel!!! It doesn’t matter if it’s food, drugs, or alcohol, or a sedentary lifestyle; feeling like something has “got a hold of us” is the worst feeling in the world. congrats on freeing yourself !!!

    • 36 run4change
      January 16, 2009 at 7:33 am

      Thanks for your encourgement FREE. You are awesome at encourging. Keep up the good work. And you are so right, feeling like anything “has a hold of us” completely sucks and we all have those things that hold us. 🙂 We don’t like to admit it, but each and every person has their own issues. If we can talk openly about them it takes so much of their power away. Thanks again

  21. 37 charleshbaker
    January 16, 2009 at 2:01 pm

    @run4change Cool! Congrats! I was going through the same thing last night! How weird is that?

    • 38 run4change
      January 16, 2009 at 2:03 pm

      Even more interesting is way more than half the people who have contacted me today went through it too. We are in the same boat on these choppy waters I guess. 🙂

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