The hurt involved in being a failure. Friendly big people.

It hurts to be fat.  It hurts to fail at losing.  It hurts to not get what I am seeking for when I binge on food to feel better.  It just plain hurts to see thin people and hate my own body. 

What is all of this about you ask?  It is about a simple little thing that I have learned that life can do to you if you let it.  It can mold you into a compassionate and loving person.  Yes, it can make you into a bitter evil minded person who everyone hates if you let it, but life doesn’t want to make you that way.  I have found it most interesting that sometimes big people are nicer than the “beautiful people”.  I was thinking on this subject for weeks.  Pondering why this would be and I have come to my own little conclusion:  It hurts to be fat!!!

I used to be a total dick back in the day.  I used to be mean to girls and my mom.  I used to be rude to others.  I did always have compassion on the underdog though.  Huh?  Just thought of that.  Anyway, I got really fat.  I got embarrased about myself.  I was not proud anymore.  I was scared that people would see my man boobs and shirt pulls.  I was no longer one of the “beautiful people”.  I was the one that people were nice to but disregarded as soon as I left.  This is why I think that being fat can develop you into a nice and compassionate person.  When you are humbled day after day after day by looking at yourself and realizing that you are not the person you want to be, it teaches you something.  It taught me that it’s not just easy to do it.  It’s not just a simple thing to get thin and be happy.  I learned that lots of people struggle with issues and problems that drive them to eating because they don’t know what the F else to do about it.  Eating works, at least for the moment, and that is all I cared about.

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Now finding Jesus transformed me completely in this aspect too, but being fat really did make me a different person.  I mean…….. Well, to tell you the truth I had to leave my desk for a while and now I lost my thoughts. I guess that ends this post. Until next time, see you later and have a good day.

24 Responses to “The hurt involved in being a failure. Friendly big people.”

  1. 1 Teresa
    March 7, 2009 at 8:17 am

    Wow. That dog looks miserable. I know how he feels 🙂 Good post, Jason.

    • 2 run4change
      March 7, 2009 at 8:19 am

      HAHA I never thought of it like that but I definitely have felt the same way that dog looks many times. One time I ate a whole bag of frozen tater tots and 2 packs of top ramen. I think it swelled in my stomach because I thought I was actually going to die from suffocation.

  2. March 7, 2009 at 9:12 am

    I think everything that you said definitely holds truth however I sure know some heavy people that are miserable and therefore they try to make everyone miserable around them. Not Pleasant at all! I know that feeling though….how it hurts to be fat, wanting to be someone different. I am a living testimony of that but I’m happy to say that though there are MANY MANY things that I want to change about myself….my care, my compassion, my awareness of the amount of hurt words can do to a person…those are things that I definitely do not want to change about myself!!! There is good in bad if we open our eyes and allow ourselves to look beyond the bad!
    And I’m glad that you stopped by my blog Jason! Might I ask which song you listened to? Not to toot my horn but take a few more minutes…listen to a few more songs…Coffey Anderson, Joe Purdy, and Brett Dennen are some new artists that I recently discovered and their songs move me and lift me up!! Anyways…glad that you were moved!
    And you crack me up….left your desk…forget your thoughts….post over. HAHAHAHAHAH! funny!
    Make it a great day!!


    • 4 run4change
      March 7, 2009 at 9:14 am

      I realized after I got out of the comment section that there was more than one song. Coffey Anderson was the one. Where he is talking some scriptures in the beginning of the song. Oh yeah, come ye!

  3. 5 donna
    March 7, 2009 at 9:16 am

    I am a fat person trying to become a thinner person for the 100th time in my life and I know exactly what you are talking about.My own family treated me with disrespect regarding my weight when I was growing up,and at that time I wasnt even overweight,but it was considered overweight if you needed to lose 10 or 15 lbs back then.So as the years progressed I gained more and more and learned how to hide my feelings even though I was crushed by peoples comments and stares.Now as I have grown older I no longer hide and I try to look people in the eye and smile if they will smile back.I know the pain so well of being rejected,but I use god as my anchor and he watches over me and allows me to love my self now.Sure I still get rejected but I feel bad for those that dont want to know me or that are disgusted to be seen with me but they are the ones who are losing out on having a loving and caring friend.Thats ok because I have a lot of friends who do love me and of course I have my kids who have always loved me for me.I have been blessed so much in my life and I know that this will be the final chapter of my weight loss journey,just one more time Lord.

    • 6 run4change
      March 7, 2009 at 9:19 am

      Yes Donna, the final chapter. I love that. You are a fabulous person too. I am glad we meet via this blogging world. You have been such an encouragement.

  4. March 7, 2009 at 11:44 am

    Thank you for such a heart felt post… I feel for that dog, I know just how he feels…
    His/her inner ‘Jillian’ is dying to get out too!

  5. 9 RobFitness
    March 7, 2009 at 1:20 pm

    I have to be honest when I first saw that picture I thought it was a bear. 🙂 I too feel that heavier people are so much nicer than some of those beautiful person. Then again I have always been a pretty n ice and easy going guy and I don’t see that changing as I lose the weight. If anything I think I might becoming a lot more compassionate to others in many way. I just think that’s an awesome quality to have. Another great post my friend 🙂

  6. 12 RobFitness
    March 7, 2009 at 1:24 pm

    Oh yes that dreaded WW meeting I went to. If you don’t mind I’ll e-mail you about that and your generous offer.

    • 13 run4change
      March 7, 2009 at 1:25 pm

      Ya go for it. Like I said. My email is shut down here but I will get back to you later tonight sometime.

  7. 14 RobFitness
    March 7, 2009 at 1:42 pm

    Sounds like a plan to me 😉 Thanks again, my friend… Have a great day.

  8. March 7, 2009 at 5:04 pm

    Wow what a moving pic there Jason. Honestly I felt like that dog a couple weeks ago. I went to a seafood buffet and boy did I binge!! I felt miserable and bloated beyond belief! So I thought I will fix this…I will just throw it all up!!
    When I say I could not throw up it is the truth!!! I tried and tried and tried but nothing ever came up! Know what I think? God said “Colette this is what you get for trying to hurt your body. The body I made and gave to you!”
    Moral of the story…..I was totally miserable the rest of the night and my stomach hurt. And I will NEVER stick my finger down my throat again!!

    I have always felt like other “fat people” would not judge me like skinny people would so therefore I felt much more comfortable, loved and accepted by heavy people. As far as being nicer…absoulately!! I think it’s hard to know what someone else is truely feeling unless you have “lived in there skin” so to speak!
    Thanks for checking on me Jason. It is nice to know I am missed even if it is on the world wide web!! 🙂

    • 17 run4change
      March 7, 2009 at 6:09 pm

      Oh yeah, Imissed ya. Me and King Ranch were good buddies there for a while 🙂 You know what, I have done the same thing before and I have never been able to throw up. I just laid on my side and tried to keep breathing. HAHAHA Thanks for your contribution colette

  9. March 8, 2009 at 5:39 pm

    dang! I had a good comment then just as I hit submit….my internet connection blipped on me!!! grrr…I will try again….

    I think I have been blessed in that I know an equal number of really incredible skinnies and fatties. However, when I first met those skinnies, I was not oo keen on them, but it was because of my judgements of them and how I thought they might judge me, so I interpreted everything they did and said as mean or mean spirited to protect myself. I have learned though that I don’t need to do that. THose skinnies truly love me and are kind compassionate people. Not that there aren’t some mean ones out there, but I think I have missed out on plenty of nice ones because of my own judgements. I have also done this towards my fellow fatties as well. Judged them as quite nice simply because they looked like me therefore they must be like me…only to find out that some/many are quite bitter and very sad.

    I guess what I am saying is…if I prejudge someone as being nice based on what they looklike before getting to know them, I may miss out on some great friendships or open myself up to undo hurt because i placed full trust in someone a bit prematurely. Does that make sense?> I think my first post was more clear! grrr…doggone internet connection!

    • 19 run4change
      March 8, 2009 at 6:22 pm

      Kim, you are truly a gem. What a great point you just made. I have to agree with you but I never thought of this until I read your comment. I think you are right about this all the way.

  10. March 8, 2009 at 6:11 pm

    I agree with your post. I think it’s Paul that mentions we all have a thorn in our side that is there to keep us humble. For people that are overweight or obese, I believe our weight is our thorn. I also wonder if I’ll lose my compassion and kindness once I lose the weight because then maybe I won’t have to work as hard at being a people pleaser. Add that to my personal list of fears about getting fit.

    I suppose though that God has given us all special giftings. Mercy, grace, kindness, compassion…those are all giftings that we should naturally have as believers anyway. So, in the end, I guess the only way I will lose it is if I turn my back from God. And that ain’t happenin’!

    Hmmm…you helped me walk myself through another weightloss wall again.



    PS…Rob, hope whatever happened at your WW meeting went well. And if it wasn’t what you were hoping for, know that we all support ya regardless.

    • 21 run4change
      March 8, 2009 at 6:26 pm

      Thanks Amy. Ain’t no way I am turnin back either. Not after what He did. Geesh. I feel like my life was a close call almost everyday. Thank God for His mercy and grace. You are right in what you say in this post.

      ps. Rob kicked major booty!!! Woooo hoooo Rob. You da man!! 🙂

  11. 22 Angela
    March 8, 2009 at 6:32 pm

    Dude. I asked you not to post that before pic of me. You’re dead meat.

    I find myself judging/hating skinnies based on their skinniness. But then I get pissed when they judge/hate me for being fat. Hello hypocrisy. I am a closet skinny hater. Always have been. If the skinny is nice to me, and I see coolness, then I let them in. But if the skinny is a mean skinny, then the hounds of hell ensue on that person. But only if it’s a woman. I have learned to be nice and also funny, to win people over. But if the person doesn’t respond, ooooooh watch out. I’m scary like that.

    Conclusion: I am heinously jealous of skinny women and they are a constant reminder of what I long to be. And painfully, that is my issue and not theirs.

  12. 24 ANJALY
    July 7, 2009 at 5:33 am

    hi jason,
    i think u r absolutely rite in ur views abt big people and beautiful people!!
    i myself noticed that most of the people who are slim and beautiful dont have the thing koled “character”
    but am glad that i have a gud character….and i think u too have tht……….atleast people like us wont hurt people’s feelings….!
    i am also sumwat fat if compared to the gals studying me coz all of em are thin lyk a stick!!
    And most importantly to tell ya……. in today’s wrld appearence doesnt matter much!

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