08
Jun
09

Gaining weight, WW, and …………

Enjoying the first fire in our new fire pit.  Chowing some watermelon.

Enjoying the first fire in our new fire pit. Chowing some watermelon.

I am doing great and I am doing bad and I am doing ok.  In general I have been doing great.  I have been having a great time with my wife over the past month doing fun things.  I had a horrible time at work for awhile as I crept up onto a huge audit that I was going to have at the end of may.  Now it’s over and I ACED the audit without any problems and got a very very high score.    I have been doing really well at my running too until this weekend that is.  My training is going on as intended and I have been improving nicely.  I have been enjoying it a lot too.

WHAT ABOUT WEIGHT WATCHERS!!!

I don’t want to be honest. 🙂  I don’t want to tell it like it is. 🙂  I have to thought because you guys are cool.  I have to because I am going to weigh-in tomorrow regardless of what I want.

I swear I have probably had the hardest stretch of time on Weight Watchers in the last month.  It has been more difficult than any other stretch of time since I started program on December 13th, 2007.  I am not lying either.  Not even one day has been as hard or bad as the last month.  I just have not been doing that well with my eating and planning.  THE PROBLEM IS THAT I HAVE STILL BEEN LOSING WEIGHT AT EVERY WEIGH-IN THAT I GO TO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  At first I thought that this was great but in reality it is not.  Not in my opinion at least.  Why?  Because to be doing not so good on program and still be losing weight is a sub-conscious license to keep doing not so good.  Permission to eat junk.  Permission to not count because “it’s working”!  I know for a fact that it is going to catch up with me.  I know for a fact that it is going to bring a significant gain at the scale.  It might even be this week I don’t know.

I DON’T LIKE IT ANYWAY!

I don’t like how not doing so good on Weight Watchers makes me feel.  I feel more tired.  I feel more guilty.  I feel more nervous about failing in the journey.  I feel more helpless against the fat mind.  I feel like I am not healthy anymore.  I am still very healthy of course but I am walking the line.  I need to step away from the line.  I don’t even want to see the line in fact.  I want the line to be so far away that it and it’s danger non-existent to me.

I never weigh at home but this morning I did.  I weighed 190.  That was without clothes.  This was very discouraging.  This was very enlightening.  This was reality.  This was fact that disolved the deceptive power of my justifications to not do so well on program.

Basically I feel like pooooooooo about how I have been eating since the 40 miler.  I know I will get back on track (Starting today) but I still don’t like how it has been going.

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4 Responses to “Gaining weight, WW, and …………”


  1. June 8, 2009 at 6:20 pm

    Beautiful work on that fire pit! But, when is it you’re coming to do my yard???

    I have been doing the same thing, it’s my summer routine. I gain weight EVERY summer. I’m trying to break that habit but I see myself doing the same things I did last year and not doing well to change them. So far the scale has been kind to me, but I know that these will catch up to me.

    • 2 run4change
      June 9, 2009 at 4:54 am

      Forthelife: I have an open appointment for you on Wednesday. HAHAHAHAHA Just kidding. Summer is more difficult for me because of business and such.

  2. June 9, 2009 at 4:01 am

    I always appreciate your openness and honesty. Thanks. One thing that was drilled into us as I was finishing my elementary ed degree was that I needed to be a reflective practitioner. I was told to always reflect and make the necessary changes to become a better person. That is what you do and you become a better person every time. I really appreciate that about you and it helps me in my journey. you are doing great even if you don’t feel it today.

    Keep on Keepin’ on.


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