Opening up about 2 food/health issues I have been thinking about.

thecycleofaddictionI went to my weight watchers meeting last night.  I almost did not go since I did a marathon last weekend.  The only problem is that I did a marathon the weekend before so I skipped that week’s meeting too.  I just figured that it did not matter how much I weighed or what happened, I needed to go the meeting.  I wasn’t going to weigh-in at first but I did anyway and I did not do so good in that area.  This will be ok though.  NO need to panic.  NO need for guilt.  NO need to give up.  NO need for any negative behavior actually.  What is the meaning of a bad weigh-in anywayIt just means that I ate to much.  That is it.  Plain and simple.  I ate more than I burned.  Basic stuff.  Modification is necessary if I want to go the other direction.

During the meeting while the leader was talking she asked us if anyone was struggling.  I raised my hand so that I could share.  Usually she will always call on me to talk so that newer people can hear my story but this time she did not because she could sense my frustration.  Not with the program but with myself.  My thoughts were focused on two areas of concern to me.

  • My addictive nature
  • My need for self-reflection and some rigidness.

The first issue actually begins to become one with the second issue the more I think on these things.  This is me.  This is how I work.  This is what my brains, emotions, etc. do during the normal course of my daily life.  Because of my running but mostly because of the long events that I do, I give myself liberty to eat what I want after I do runs of 20 miles or longer.  This is fine and dandy but can I handle this considering who I am on the inside.  The answer to this question is an overwhelming NO.

The addictive nature is a complicated factor when it comes to living healthily and within my goal weight.  The truth is, after a long bout of running anyone can basically eat anything they want without negative consequences but that is only if this eating does not persist into the next days.  This is where my personality does not agree with the “normal” persons ability to do this.  I eat whatever I want for a few hours one day and that leads me down a dark path of eating whatever I want for a few days or more.

The self-relfection and rigidness is something that I am constantly blasted for on this blog.  Many people constantly remind me not to be hard on myself, not to be black and white, not to be all or nothing, not to be tooooo extreme with my eating or exercise.  This is normally great advice except that it is based on the “normal” person’s thought process not the addictive one.  I know myself pretty well and I have an ever-present need to be “focused”.  Letting up on the reigns spells disaster for me even though I am constantly advised to let up on the reigns and live a little.  I don’t do this well.  Now being too rigid with my variety of food or amount of exercise is not that healthy, but I need to be rigid in particular areas in order to succeed.  I need to be black and white when it comes to “problem” foods.  I don’t know why some people say that ALL food is ok.  Well, it is ALL ok but for my addictive little darkside ALL food is not ok.  I donut here or there is fine but for me this turns into a donut today and tomorrow and the next day and then into 2 on each of those days and then to 3 on each of those days and so on and so forth.  I am tired of “dabling” in the darkness with these trouble foods.  I did fine until I started test these waters and now I am struggling because I gave room to the addictive cycle gain strength.


10 Responses to “Opening up about 2 food/health issues I have been thinking about.”

  1. July 9, 2009 at 6:40 am

    Excellent post, Jason. You hit it on the head with the addictive cycle. I’m the same way. Letting up and not being so black and white is what got me fat in the first place. Figuring I could eat whatever what I wanted and justifying it in all sorts of ways got me fat. Being more in control with my food, my choices, my portions, and my activity is what is making me skinny and feeling alive and full of zest and life. Besides, it’s also about health, right? Some of those addictive foods we like just aren’t healthy for our bodies to function at the optimal level, are they? So why do we eat them? Because they are addictive! Some foods I just don’t eat any more. And I don’t really want to because they are unhealthy for me in so many ways, not just calorie-wise.

    Good for you for opening up about this. Too bad your leader wouldn’t call on you because it’s a very real issue for many people.

    • 2 run4change
      July 9, 2009 at 6:48 am

      Thanks much for your awesome support lil’ miss. I just love your comment here. It is very comforting to me.

  2. 3 geegs23
    July 9, 2009 at 8:27 am

    Jason, I couldn’t agree with you more here. It’s tough, and people who don’t have an addictive personality just don’t get it. I did WW several years ago and lost about 40 lbs.. I went to India for a two month business trip and felt completely deprived of things like soda, chocolate, ice cream, beef.. etc. When I came home I figured a few days of eating my favorite things (pb cups, dunkin donuts ice coffee, fountain soda, steaks, burgers) wouldn’t hurt me but in the long run it did.. When I was frustrated b/c I was gaining the weight back my family and friends would say “just stop eating such and such”.. what they didn’t get was that I couldn’t.. I wanted to but the little voice in my head and my stomach told me I NEEDED that PB cup.. What A LOT of people don’t get is food addiction is just as bad as an addiction to drugs or alcohol.

    Thank you so much for posting this today! I find the more and more that I read your blog that I can relate to you in a lot of ways.


    • 4 run4change
      July 9, 2009 at 8:33 am

      Christina. You are so right that many don’t understand. I actually have an alcohol problem and if I were to drink again I would go off the deep end and just go for it. HAHAHAHA Kind of like I have done with food for the last month or so. Moderation (in some foods) is not healthy for me and I should not eat these things. I can’t lie to myself anymore because like you say it will only hurt me in the long run. Thanks for your comment.

  3. July 9, 2009 at 11:37 am

    As usual I can totally relate on this one as well. I am definitely an all or nothing type person and I love/hate that quality in myself. When I’m “on” I’m on and when I’m “off” I’m off. All you can do is take things one day at a time. That’s how I’m taking it on anyway, but I can relate to you on this one.

    • 6 run4change
      July 9, 2009 at 12:03 pm

      Muchas Gracias Teresa. I too, am “on” when I am “on” and so on…………………………….

  4. 7 Kim
    July 10, 2009 at 7:45 am

    Hmmmm Jason, nice! Made me think. I had a conversation jsut the other night with Aaron and Adam about the scale and how I relate to it. Adam was wondering why it would be problematic for me to weigh myself everyday. He has some theories on why this would be beneficial. I see his point on some things AND I know myself enough to know I would go wonky again doing that. I would start doing crazy things with my diet and exercise and then would start weighing myself 2 or 3 or 4 times a day. Not healthy for me. Others can do this just fine and maybe MAYBE at some point I will be able to do so, but not now.

    Ultimately, They can give me all the advice, thoughts, input in the world. They can share their experience and knowledge. The pros and cons of doing a particular thing. And because of who they are in my life, I will always consider it with an open mind, because I know they are FOR me. They want me to win in this as much as I want to win. AND I decide. I am the one doing this. I am the one who knows myself better than anybody. They can tell me it is ok to weigh myself every day or to relax on my eating from time to time. They can help me find balance in my life, but in the end I choose what goes in my body. In the end, I am responsible for every choice I make, no matter what they or others say or encourage me to do.

    I chose NOT to go out with friends the other night because I was feeling particularly vulnerable to temptation and jsut knew I wouldn’t do well in teh environment we would have been in. They all wanted me there. Encouraged me to come. Promised to help me not give in. But I knew myself well enough to know…I was not in a good place for that.

    Hope some of this makes sense….turned into a mini blog post as opposed to jsut a comment.

    • 8 run4change
      July 10, 2009 at 8:30 am

      Great remarks Kim. I love your mini-blog comments. You make much sense. Have a great day

  5. 9 Sheila
    July 11, 2009 at 6:31 pm

    I certainly do relate to these issues too Jason (and other posters); I was thinking the other day about people who don’t have “fat minds” and who seem to eat all they want when around me but REALLY are NOT eating the same way/for the same reasons/as much/as often as I do.

    There was some show on weight loss recently and the doctor basically said that if you are a person that has struggled with your eating/weight your whole life, basically you’ll continue to do so for the rest of your life despite how much you lose/gain at any given time…This is very, very important for me to understand and accept.

    Keep up the ongoing work on all this stuff – hope things at your job aren’t as horrible this week.

    • 10 run4change
      July 13, 2009 at 6:11 am

      Sheila. Great comment. I totally agree with this: “I was thinking the other day about people who don’t have “fat minds” and who seem to eat all they want when around me but REALLY are NOT eating the same way/for the same reasons/as much/as often as I do.” The appear to eat whatever they want to, they just don’t WANT to eat as much or as bad as we do. 🙂

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