Inspiration and hardship!

matisyahuI guess I don’t really need to say AGAIN that I have been having a seriously hard time with food but I will.  My exercise is just fine with the exception that I don’t do any cross-training.  But as far as getting a good calorie burn for the week I am doing well.    It appears that my relationship with food has actually gotten worse as time goes on.   I try really hard but then end up falling for the pepperoni, chips, not counting dinner, etc.  With the amount of running I do (which really is not a lot by marathoner standards) I will not return to my previous weight but I can be/get at a weight that is not at all comfortable.  I guess it is a Romans 7 thing for food and weight loss.  I want so bad to do good but I keep doing what I don’t want to do and can’t seem to do what I really want to do.  Thank you RINGMASTER for helping me in this respect.   I know you don’t know that you helped me but you did.  A LOT.

I feel like I am swimming against the current in a vicious ocean yet when I look around I am just in a wave pool at some water park.  The current isn’t horrible or impossible but my strength wanes.  When I tire or my emotional strength fades, I grab the first life raft (food) possible.  It may appear that I am depressed or despondent. Yet the truth is that I have a great deal of inspiration to forge on, press on to more health, take another step in the right direction.  I have the inspiration to forget about the 50 steps that I might take backwards and the wisdom to take my first step forward.  It is a race for life with a loving God as my primary strength.  I have forgotten this completely.  And I mean completely but I thank Him for the special people who have reminded me of the depth, breadth, and relevance of the REAL race and the REAL strength.

So last night I ate like crap.  Bacon and macaroni and cheese.  That is gone now.  My shirt doesn’t fit like I want it too.  That is leaving now.  My belt doesn’t latch at the previous and glorious indention.  This will change.  I can no longer see the tiny bit of abs that I could see before.  Nevertheless I have hope.  I believe in that which is not yet seen .  I will not give up.  I will never despair.  I can change once again both physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  He has not given up and neither will I.

So much to be thankful for.  So much to remember.  So much ground that has been gained.  Miracles that have happened to me and my body.  It is all real and today I chose to remember.  Below are some very potent and special lyrics.   Read them and ponder them.  They actually mean something.  If you can guess the author that would be cool too.  I put a picture of him at the top. HAHAHAHA  That is not me up there.

Sometimes I lay under the moon and thank God that I’m breathing. Then I pray dont’ take me soon ’cause I am hear for a reason.  Sometimes in my tears I drown but I never let it get me down, so when negativity surrounds; I know someday it’ll all turn around.

It’s not about win or lose because we all lose when they feed on the souls of the innocent. Blood drenched pavement.  Keep on movin’ though the waters stay ragin’.  In this maze you can lose your way it might drive you crazy but don’t let it faze you no way.  Sometimes in my tears I drown but I never let it get me down, so when negativity surrounds; I know someday it’ll all turn around.

7 Responses to “Inspiration and hardship!”

  1. 1 DouloScott
    August 19, 2009 at 8:52 am

    Congratulations on your realizations as well as your persistence. I too like Matisyahu.

    Romans 7 definitely describes your/our situation, but I find that Hebrews 12:1-2 is my GoTo scripture for this journey to health…it is so true for us metaphorically as well as literally!!!

    “12:1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2 looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” (ESV)

    I personally have found that the issue is not eating but spiritual. Our eating (I am including myself because I struggle with similar issues) is idolatry. We are looking to food for the comfort in difficult situations instead of turning to Christ who is there for us. I know this sound esoteric and hard to practice, but as you have said yourself, the food does not help, it just makes you feel worse. The same goes for me.

    What we need to do is to focus on Romans 8:1 and not Romans 7. Romans 8:1 “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” (ESV) Galations 5:1 “For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.” So let us not yoke our selves with treating food as an idol, but instead let us walk in freedom knowing that we are on a lifelong JOURNEY to becoming like Christ. We will not attain the goal this side of heaven, but we can do our best to try.

    I have found that your candor and your willingness to share your struggles is truly encouraging and I am glad that you are continuing on in this journey.

    Blessings brother!!!

    • 2 run4change
      August 19, 2009 at 8:56 am

      What you speak is very true. It is possible to practice but the practice of remembering the truth that we are actually in is quite difficult to say the least. These are all go to scriptures for me as well. Eating most certainly is that idol that I try to recieve comfort from when the yoke is heavy. That is cool that you like matisyahu too. I love the dudes music and it always gives me a brighter perspective on gloomy issues

  2. 3 the Ringmaster
    August 19, 2009 at 9:55 am

    Ah, shucks! 🙂

    My eating’s been atrocious too. I’m going to look at it as a race I didn’t do my best at–and starting now, I’m going to toe a new line, with a fresh opportunity to do better.

    One of the reasons I’m glad you’re still writing is that your blog underscores how those of us who lose a significant amount of weight still think a lot about food and exercise. It’s not something, for many of us, that goes away once the weight does. Though my friends assume that because I’m a size 0 I never have to think about what I eat, the reality is quite the opposite. It’s actually something I feel I have to surrender to God quite frequently–my concern over my weight and my near-compulsion to run. I don’t want to trade one addiction for another! Jehovah, God of the Ages, is my Master, not running. But it takes a conscious decision every day to put Him first.

    But, as I trust my training in running to make it easier, I expect my good Lord will also use spiritual discipline and training to make surrender come easier as time goes by. All to His glory!

    • 4 run4change
      August 19, 2009 at 10:26 am

      Thanks ringmaster. It does take a conscious decision and it seems as though the unconscious decisions are the ones that get me in trouble. I too keep the running compulsion in check especially for my wife. I have been accused of being “addicted” to running by many but this is certainly not true. I actually did a second thesis on this topic. “The psychological addiction of running” even before I became a runner. HAHAHAHA

      The way I know that it is in check mostly is by comparing my milage/amount of running. I actually have a very balanced running program especially for an ultra runner/marathoner. 4-5 days of running per week giving me about an average of maybe 1 hr of cardio per day. This average is the average for a person who is in shape and keeps their weight off according to a few studies I have read. Anyway, I don’t know why I just went off on that topic.

      The Lord will make it easier to submit and surrender. Thanks for the comment.

  3. 5 lynn
    February 11, 2010 at 10:15 am

    MATISYAHU. I love that man, he is so wise, and he has this way with his music that keeps me positive.

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