It can happen to anyone! Falling into old habits even after losing and keeping 130 lbs off. In fact, it is pretty easy to fall back into the old ways. Why is this?? Well, the old ways are the old ways for a reason and they are old because I did them for so long. Truth be told, the old ways work for what they are used for. Oh yeah, you heard me. THere is no denying that eating junk food makes me feel better at the moment I want to feel better. There is no denying that it tastes wonderful like a party in my mouth. I just want to shed the false belief that using food for comfort and security does not work. It does work and if it did not work we would never use food to comfort ourselves. However, there is a downside as there always is for self-medicating with potentially harmful stuff whether it be food, drugs, alcohol, sex, etc. It brings guilt and shame and weight gain and bodily harm.
So at the practical and reality based advice of another great blogger on the journey, I took a step back to reassess my situation and take a reality check. I took a step back to way the costs and rewards of my actions. As you know I have been on the wayward side of WW for a bit. I am still right here at my WW goal weight but things have been getting increasingly unhealthy for me both mentally and physically. Steve’s words yesterday hit me just how I needed it and brought about a major lifting of the veil over my eyes. Now that he helped me see much more clearly, I am taking my reality check here on the blog.
What is my unhealthy eating doing for me?
Well, like I said, it is making me feel better about whatever I am feeling bad about for the moment. This is true. It is also making me feel worse in the long run and causing a great crop of negative thinking to sprout up. Waying this cost is hard for me because I like the immediate benifit of feeling better and don’t particularly like the delayed gratification that denying myself the junk brings. BUT, after long thought focused on Steve’s comment, the delayed gratification FAR OUT WEIGHS any other possible benifit that junk food can give. So for today I feel strong and healthy and resolved with new passion for my health goals.
How is my fear of failure molding my situation?
I am scared to gain it all back. Unfortunately, the way my little mind works is that when I fear failure I tend not to try as to make sure I don’t fail. Now taking a step back on this one shows that this is crazy because it is self-fulfilling. I am scared to fail so I fail on purpose and do the exact thing I am afraid of. HAHAHAHA No more of this. The reality in this is that I can’t fail if I just continue to do what I know how to do as far as healthy living goes. It is a no-brainer really. I know what to do and that is to keep my eyes on the prize, don’t let go of it, and then make nice little decisions throughout everyday to ensure a victory. This is not easy at all because the fear is still there but the fear is not as powerful as the full life that can be lived in health. Self-sabotage many call it.
My addictive side?????
My addictive side grabs hold of that which makes me feel better. This side of me will barely let go of the medicine. So when I eat two candy bars with wonderful peanut butter and sugar inside, I feel better for the moment, then my addictive side says, “Oh hell yeah that felt good. What is wrong with wonderfulness. Lets keep doing this.” Contrary to much popular advice that I recieve here and away, small dabbles in such wonderfulness are not a livable scenario for me. I am often told it is MORE of a lifestyle when I allow this stuff into my life as it is less rigid but I just can’t live that way. I know myself and taking this reality check helps me to realize that abstinence is the best way to go for several foods in this world.
I can get seriously deep into some negative thinking about myself and my journey. So negative in fact that I can completely forget a good thing that I just accomplished. This is crazy but it is a reality so why should I deny myself the knowledge of the truth or the opportunity to talk about it. I can pick out one negative thing out of a sea of positive. It can be a beautiful day out but I will see a cloud the size of a man’s hand 100 miles away. HAHAHAHA I am going to work on this. WW is not really that hard and it is certainly not impossible. What is hard is staying on track while I am off track. The contrary actions. The lying to myself that I am doing it when I am not doing it. What the hell! If I am not doing it I am just going to say to myself I am not doing it and then get back on track.