27
Oct
09

Finished off yesterday well. 208 lbs

Yesterday started out well and it also ended well.  I stayed on program just as it is intended.  It felt good.  I feel good.  My confidence has increased a little bit more.  This morning I weighed in at 208.  God dang that made me feel bad.  I wanted to just give up again but that would just be counter-productive.  Giving up would only cause more gain.  So I move on.  I am still 2 lbs under my original doctors goal but I am not at my healthy weight right now.  I need to lose 20 lbs to be in my desirable range and I need to lose 10 lbs to be in my WW lifetime range.  This will be the first time that I have to pay since reaching life time a long time ago. 

I feel ashamed.

I feel embarrased.

I feel very much loss.

I feel defeated.

But I am returning.  When shopping for my food this Sunday, I had a harsh revelation of reality regarding my weight gain.  I realized that the 20-30 lbs that I would love to lose is actually going to take a long time to lose.  It is going to be a journey AGAIN.  Oh what the heck though.  I am human. Even though I have gained, I am still Jason, I am still and ultra-marathoner, I am still a runner, and I am going to make it just fine.  In the big picture of things, it really is no big deal.  This weight that I saw this morning is just feed back regarding my behaviour over the last 6 months.  There is no denying it.  There is no lying to myself about it.  I can’t trick myself into believing that it’s not real.  It is real and I must move on without guilt.  Without shame.  If I am to prove myself victorious once again.

Damn that was hard to put my weight into this post.  Good thing you people are nice. HAHAHA

Advertisements

24 Responses to “Finished off yesterday well. 208 lbs”


  1. 1 Lochans
    October 27, 2009 at 5:57 am

    Good luck Jason. I am sure you can do this.
    I have felt the same way when I have weighed in and gained, especially when I know I have not been on the plan.
    I feel ashamed that I have let myself down. I realize that I am about 8 lbs away from my goal and all my self sabotage is only taking me farther away from it.
    But then, the only choice I have is to come up again and strive to do the best. Any other choice I make is only going to drag me down.
    I feel it needs a lot of courage to accept who we are and try to overcome our short comings,and there is not a single reason to feel anything bad about it.
    You are awesome Jason, Good Luck!!

    Lochans

  2. October 27, 2009 at 6:08 am

    You look great at 208, Jason, but I know you want to be better. Hang in there. You can do it 🙂

  3. October 27, 2009 at 6:51 am

    Look at it this way, Jason. At least it’s not 50 pounds or even 30. You are still doing great and still so much healthier and stronger than you used to be. You are still an inspiration with your honesty and hope and encouragement. 🙂 And it is a “daily reprieve” from overeating, really, isn’t it? We have to keep up with this on a daily basis or it comes right back with a vengeance. I wish it would just magically go away and stay away, but then again, nothing worth having ever came easy, right?

    I have about the same amount to lose as you – maybe we’ll make it at the same (or close) time?

  4. 4 seanv2
    October 27, 2009 at 7:19 am

    Thanks for writing this, I find a lot of inspiration in the straight forward and honest manner with which you deal with this. I could stand to lose about fifteen pounds myself and your ability to refocus and get the job done is a real help in keeping me motivated.

  5. 5 Kathy
    October 27, 2009 at 7:23 am

    I have faith in you, Jason. Just get back up on that band wagon and keep going. You can do it. Hang in there.
    Kathy

    • 6 run4change
      October 27, 2009 at 7:26 am

      Thanks everyone for your wonderful support. It is not easy for me to deal with this but it is a must also. I will come out on top of this problem as it really isn’t that huge of a problem. I mean at least it is a correctable issue and not a hopeless cause.

  6. October 27, 2009 at 2:17 pm

    You seem to have the right mindset to do it. For me, when I have a bad week and go the wrong way, I just think about HOW UNHAPPY I was before WW and that often helps me snap back into reality. Did the food make me happy? Heck no. It was killing me. Dunno if this will help you, but regardless, I have confidence that you can do this. Know that we are all out here rooting you on, and we appreciate your honest struggles. We have all been there!

  7. October 27, 2009 at 2:34 pm

    You’re right, in the scheme of things it’s just a blip You’ll jump back on the wagon. Love your attitude. You are doing great things and you are very inspiring!

  8. October 27, 2009 at 3:59 pm

    It is good that you recognize what you need to do to get back there and aren’t trying to do it in an instant. But working at it is good.

  9. October 27, 2009 at 5:22 pm

    Jason, I have no doubt you can do this. I know it seems counter-productive, but you know, sometimes we have to face defeat before we can truly appreciate victory.

  10. October 27, 2009 at 7:44 pm

    Jason, THanks for putting the cold hard reality of your current weight in here. It gives me the courage to do the same. TOmorrow I will weigh in for the first time in a few weeks…I am scared poopless about it. I do not want to see the number. I am afraid it will be larger than a 10 lb gain and will relieved if it is less…Thanks for the courage…will let you know tomorrow how it goes!

    And yes, You are Jason, not 208. Always will be Jason, not 190 something or even 180 something. First and foremost and always most important you are Jason, an inspiration and encouragement to many as you live out the daily struggle of weight loss and maintenance and all the wonkiness that goes with it!

  11. October 28, 2009 at 5:17 am

    Jason,
    My dear Jason, if only you realized how similar we are. To be honest, there are times when I can’t read your posts because I hate hearing how obsessively hard on yourself you are.(Which is exactly how I am, which is why it’s so hard to hear some one else doing it too.) You MUST get away from the numbers obsessing. Take it from someone who has obsessed her way back up 160lbs…and I’ve been fighting to get it back off for longer than I had it off!!! If I have learned any thing, it is this; be GRATEFUL for the health you have today. You are not where you once were, but you ARE accomplishing great things. Focus on what you have, not what you don’t.(Or soon, you will not have that to be grateful for either.) We have a disease of the mind Jason, that scale will never be where we find peace… Look for what’s going well in your journey, I promise you that I can see a lot of things from where I’m sitting. 😉 And YOU of all people should know that this is no race, it’s a marathon. The rest of your life will be filled with ups and downs, but one is not possible with out the other. I am sending good thoughts your way. Thank you for coninuuing to write through your struggle, I KNOW how hard that can be.
    Amy

  12. 19 Sam Carpenter
    October 28, 2009 at 5:37 am

    Jason,

    Hang in there buddy!!! I know I am trying to! I have a journey story of my own to tell, but the shortened version of it is basically, I’m 29 years old and have been overweight all of my life. On 3/30/08, I weighted in at my highest weight of 330 lbs. I saw picture of myself just a few weeks prior and decided that I was a disgusting mess and I need to make a change now. I had been a fan of the Biggest Loser since the end of the first season and I had been taking notes as I watched the show each season. I started my life change on 3/30/08. I cut back on the calories, and walked everyday for 1/2 hour. 1/2 hour became an hour which, by Sept 08, I was walking 4 miles everyday and even started jogging and running. In April 08, I started lifting weights. By Feb, 2009, I weighed 185 lbs! I had lost 145 lbs in just less than one year and I felt great! It was even more rewarding to know that I did this all on my own – I made up my own workout routines, set up my own diet, and lost this weight all on my own. However, I still had issues because I had so much extra skin left on my chest and stomach – something that I am still dealing with today. I wanted to have cosmetic surgery, but it’s just not possible financially right now. With the extra skin though, comes the feeling that I am still fat. That gets me a bit depressed and makes me want to start eating again. Well, in July of this year, it got the better of me and I went on my first binge. I ate the entire month of July – cheesecakes (I mean the entire cheesecake in one sitting!), donuts, cookies, and on and on. Slowly, I stopped exercising. By the beginning of August, I had gained back 10 lbs! I was shocked! That got me back in healthy gear but ever since then, it seems like it’s been a struggle to lose the weight and get to the weight I want to be. I am 6’1″ and want to get back to at least 185, but I would prefer 175. I would never go any lower than that. But today, for the most part, my eating and exercise routines are under control. Have been on a constant gain an few lbs lose a few lbs path which is driving me nuts. Today, I weigh 210 lbs. but just a few weeks ago, I was almost back down to 200. I know that I have gained some muscle weight, but it just seems like I am exercising so hard and watching my diet so much, but when I give myself a treat…I just want to go overboard…and I can’t seem to stop – and the scale slowing increases. Luckily, I haven’t stopped exercising this time, but it is frustrating that I just can’t seem to get the overeating completely under control. Saturday is what I now call my treat day and is the day that I decided to allow myself up to 500 extra calories as a treat. But, for the past several weeks, once I get that tasty “treat” in my mouth, I can’t stop. Just this past weekend, the cheesecake got to me again and I ate the entire 4000 calorie cheesecake in a little less than 8 hours.

    It’s definitely a battle, but I have to tell you that your stories have inspired me and the inspiration that I have given to people through my journey is what keeps us going. We all hit these bumps in the road…but we will overcome them because of the solid experiences we have faced. Don’t feel ashamed about letting yourself down…I’ve learned that all of these experiences only make us stronger and teach us what we need to know to be totally successful. Just look at what you have accomplished and be proud of that and be proud to know that if you were strong enough to tackle all of that weight then you are now most definitely strong enough to these few lbs. Weight loss and a healthy lifestyle has to be the toughest battle to fight in life…but we all have the power, strength, and determination to be victorious! Thanks for sharing your story and for being an inspiration and all the best to you!!!

    • 20 run4change
      October 28, 2009 at 6:10 am

      Sam, I loved reading your story. God did it make me feel better about my own story. I am not alone. Very very similar. Thanks a lot.

  13. 21 SAM
    October 28, 2009 at 8:20 am

    Howdy Jason, its long lost SAM…I still read your blog ~ but havent posted much lately. Wanted to send you a quick note to say KEEP UP THE FIGHT…you can do this. Live your life well, and enjoy the process. You are a wonderful creation of God, embrace that…smile. You are such an encouragement to many many people…I am still about 40 away from my goal, have 43 pounds gone forever ~ its taking longer than I have wanted, but “life” happens and I figure that the slow and steady will win the race for me…and I will have made life long changes that I can maintain ~ You are going to be able to lose what you have gained…no doubt. Hugs from TEXAS. SAM

  14. 22 Sheila
    October 28, 2009 at 11:32 am

    Just one sentence to applaud you for being so honest with yourself and with us!!!

  15. 23 Angela
    November 9, 2009 at 6:39 am

    You’re keepin it real, bro. And sometimes that’s the hardest part. You’re an excellent man with passion and goals, and I admire you so much I could burst.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: