Point of inspiration and rememberance.

Had a horrible day the other day.  It was just killing me how I have been eating, how I see my body, how I see my running, how I see myself in general.  Basically, had a bad day because of my self talk and just feeling bad for myself and so unconfident.  But……..I got an email from a good friend.  My good friend did not know I was basically in the pit of self hatred that day, but he was sensitive to it.  I can’t even express the importance of that email to me.  The only way I can explain it’s impact on me is LIFE CHANGING.  The email did not have any information that I don’t already know.  It did not have any secret to success.  It was just a PERFECTLY timed picture of my story injected into my life.  Basically, the jist of it was that he was telling a group of people about my journey from the start of WW all the way to DNF’ing at 63 miles in the 100 and through to present.  You see, my friend knows my “situation” in my personal life.  He knows that what I have accomplished during these dark days is nothing small.  So his email was a reminder to me.

It is so easy to forget what I have done.  That I have really done amazing things even for a person who has not lost 130 lbs.  He described the faces, the emotions, and the tears of the listeners of the real life story.  And by reading this, I was completely filled with life again.  It was like I was encased in this bubble or dark room but when I read the email I was removed from that fog and put into reality again.  I was humbled by the achievements that I had done.  I was appreciative of all the people who have helped and supported me along the way.  I was thankful for just not giving up on my own dreams while others were giving up on me.  I have a hard time, REALLY HARD TIME, having confidence these last three or four months.  I have been broken and forgot the stength that I really do have.  The ability to overcome.  I still struggle so much with loving myself, and accepting my body, and taking myself for who I am.  But yesterday I started out a fresh.  I ate perfectly.  I exercised well.  I thought well of myself.  Maybe………….I can start my new life on good terms with myself and achieve what I want for myself.  I want to achieve a healthy self respect.

10 Responses to “Point of inspiration and rememberance.”

  1. February 19, 2010 at 6:38 am

    Fresh starts are good for the soul. Keep your chin up!

  2. 2 mac
    February 19, 2010 at 9:52 am

    Keep slogging Jason! Sooner or later the mud will harden and your travels will get easier!

  3. February 19, 2010 at 12:24 pm

    Indeed, each we start anew. Kinda nice in ways. Because we get another chance to go at it and do it better than the day before. You know, I was thinking, when we get too close to the everyday grind though… we sometimes don’t step back to just observe…. observe all we’ve done, how far we’ve come… the differences we make… like you said, it’s not that we don’t know it; it’s that we don’t take the time to let it sink in.. become a part of us… and take it WITH us in that daily grind.

    So here’s to staying in the moment… and enjoying the process…

    Coach Dean

  4. February 20, 2010 at 12:03 pm

    Hearing how other people perceive us can be a very powerful thing. It’s funny how we hold onto the negative and have a hard time believing the positive. BELIEVE all the good things. It hurts my heart when I hear about all of your self doubt. It’s like your a diamond but you believe that you are just a cubic zirconia! Kind of corny analogy but that’s how I see it. 🙂 Shine baby shine!!!!

  5. February 20, 2010 at 3:13 pm

    I’m glad to know that you have been able to pull out of of the rut you have been describing lately. It is always interesting to me how one event (the email in your case) can be all it takes to “flick the switch” and get back on track. I agree with you that it is easy to forget our acomplishments. We are our own worst critics. Hang in there!

  6. 6 Angela
    February 23, 2010 at 9:37 am

    I love when you write from the heart of the struggle. I think you are one of the best dudes ever! Probably because we are so much alike, and you know I love myself. hahahahahahaha….thanks for this.

  7. 7 Val
    February 23, 2010 at 4:21 pm

    Ohhhh, thank you for sharing this. I’ve gained back 20-30 pounds of the 55 that I had lost, so every day lately finds me saying “Okay, starting over. Again. Today.” And sometimes “Starting over. Again. This Meal.” *Sigh.* It gets old, but this is the way it is, and the important thing is to keep on keepin’ on. I’ll only be a failure when I give up, and I’ll never give up. Anyway, I hear you. And good for you. 🙂

  8. 8 Shannon
    February 24, 2010 at 2:37 pm

    Hey Jason it has been a while since I have left a comment. I understand the frustrations of eating and staying on track. I tore my ACL and Meniscus and had surgery in January..just when I felt I was really on track with my running and eating. Now I am on crutches and eating small amounts for fear I will gain back my 80 pounds I have lost! When you feel you are the only one down, look on the bright side you are still running!!! You are an inspiration to me and will continue to be. We are only human and will always make mistakes..we learn from them and then move on! Hope to be back out running and who knows passing by you on the trail!! Great job on the 100 miler…very inspiring!!

  9. February 25, 2010 at 10:56 am

    Wow you lose 130 pounds, amazing in itself. That alone could bring a smile to my face. I am just starting my weight loss journey and decided to write about it. I love to write so why not share with others my struggle. It is also nice to know when we are having a bad day there is always something to remind us of why we are here and why we are special. Keep up on your journey and I will try my hardest to keep up with mines.

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