What does running mean to YOU???

 

This was the sunset at my 24 hour race

This was my 30th marathon or ultra since I started running.  I have had one DNF during those 30 races.  Each race is always unique in it’s interpersonal experience.  Each time I learn something new and useful for my life even if I don’t hit my “number” goal. Which brings me to reason for this post………my most profound lessons of this Across The Years 24 Hour Race.

• I am finding as I get along in my running life, that the “number” (finish time, distance, etc) may not be the most important part of the race at all.  Sure it gives me a goal to work and train toward but is the number the thing that brings me the most lasting benefit?  For me, I don’t think so.  I am working toward a most powerful and awesome paradigm shift where the goal of the race is more for me to get what I needed from the race rather than achieving a certain finish time or distance.  I have decided I want running to be a tool FOR my life, not my ENTIRE life.  This is cool to me because I can never lose and I can always make sure that I improve MY LIFE instead of just my running.
• After seeing so many people at the race hobbling around at the start of the race as though they had just finished the race (you know what I am talking about if you run these), I have decided I NEVER want that for my life.  I like to run and run long but I don’t want to be older walking like I do when I am at 60 miles.  I realized that I want a more well rounded fitness and vibrancy and seeking the numbers of the ultra game are not of the most importance for me.  I want a vibrant peppy step, a good range of motion, and over all fluidity to my stride and self.
• I also learned that making these ultra’s or marathons a part of an overall family vacation and fun time makes them much more meaningful.  It also brings gladness and joy to the family seeing all the awesome runners out there doing their best which inadvertently seeps into the family’s hearts to inspire them.  It also brings me closer to them knowing how much they love me and prove it by sitting in the cold night of a 24 hour race not only encouraging me but the other runners as well.  How cool is that, that I can do something that mostly brings out the best in all of us DURING a vacation!!!!!!!!
• I realized that this is totally a fringe group of society, which is kinda cool but at the same time it is WAAAAAY smaller than us who do the events think it is.  Nobody cares about these races LOL.  Not one of the many MANY people I mentioned the race to had ever heard of it and many lived only miles from the world class event.  This put it all in perspective for me which really was a catalyst for much of my paradigm shift.  These events have to be done for me/you, of course there is praise from family and friends but mostly they think it’s insane.  Heck even my running coach thinks its crazy.  That is why I want to start focusing on my inner world and personal growth while using these races as a tool as apposed to an end.

Testing myself with these runs is amazing every time, and I think with my new perspective they will only become a more truly useful friend in my life rather than my life itself.

If you want a more “heady” exposition of the personal growth aspects of the race go to my personal growth blog.

Peace out!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

One aspect of mental toughness for runners

Mental toughness is REALLY important for runners of all types.  Being mentally tough makes us better athletes.  Some people have found a way to become more mentally tough even when they aren’t running.

Everyone knows that not running, when you are a runner, is tough…..but have you ever thought about how you can mental train yourself to be more tough by demonstrating mental toughness during an injury?  That’s right, you can continue to train even when you can’t train by enhancing your mental toughness during a time of despair.  Taking a break from running is not so easy sometimes, it takes it’s own type of endurance, and you can use this to your benefit.

Here’s how:

1. Think positively- Oh yes, easier said than done for sure.  During a hiatus, it’s important to practice substituting negative guilty feelings with positive grateful ones as fast as  you can when the negative thoughts hit you.  This practice will really help you when you are back on your feet in a race.
2. Train your mind by challenging yourself with exercise you don’t like as much.  This will help you when you reach that HUGE freaking hill that you don’t like in the race since you know you can do what you don’t like to do now.
3. Relax and think long term.  You know how at the beginning of a marathon or 50 miler you don’t just sprint your way to the end???????????????????????  You don’t do that because it’s not wise and won’t get you what you want.  Think like this when it comes to taking a break because of injury.  Long term health and vigor are the most important in the end, plus………relaxing is imperative to your success while running as well.
4. Use the spare time to FINALLY spend a Sunday with people you love since you can’t be out on the road for 5 hours.  This will help you be more joyful while you are running as well.
5. Stay mentally tough by making sure that you eat properly since you are not burning all those calories like you were when you were training hard.  This goes back to #4 and long term health.  You will also be feeling better if you kept at your current weight when you get back to running.

Those are some simple tips that will help you increase your mental toughness when you can’t increase it by running!

Last big one done, on the road to the race……

50 miles!  I did it!  I got my last long run in this weekend before my big 24 hour push on December 28th.  I was so excited to have gotten fit enough to do this long of a run and I feel once again that I am an Ultra-Runner.  That feels good and it took a lot of patience, training, wisdom, and passion.  I didn’t get through it unscathed though.  I hurt my knee a bit in the areas you see in that picture.  I don’t believe it’s an injury but it is talking to me and I always listen to my body to ensure the long term goal of fitness and health.  I mean who cares how far I can run if when I am done I can’t run anymore for 5 months or ever again potentially.

The run was pretty dramatic also.  It rained/snow/hailed three different times during the run and it was very cold, I lost my head band that kept my ears warm somehow (you’d be amazed at how hazy your brain works after so many hours), and my ipod died early so I couldn’t listen to my recordings for MKMMA.  Nonetheless, I finished this puppy and it took me about 10 months to get to this point again after a long vacation from running and being health conscious.  I feel back more than ever and am on my way to keeping on keeping on one step at a time.

Things for the readers to remember:

• Stuff takes time.  I have been doing this stuff for years even though I took a big break in the middle of it all.  When I started this journey at my all time high weight years ago, I couldn’t even barely walk 2 miles.  I kept at it and it is worth it all the way.  Be patient with yourself, love yourself, and listen to yourself.
• It’s painful at times.  It hurts to run 50 miles.  There is no getting around it.  And if you have never run or exercised, it is gonna hurt to walk 2 miles just like it did for me.  It hurts a bit to get on the scale to see you are bigger than ever, or see that after a year on the weight loss journey you gained 3 pounds one week. Take all of this pain and be objective about it.  Don’t judge yourself, just take it as info that can help you succeed down the road.
• You can do it too.  I truly and honestly believe that just about anybody can run 50 miles, but most people would never want to and I get that.  Here’s the thing though, you can do FAR more than what you currently believe that you can do.  Begin to believe THAT and things will start to change.
• Starting is the biggest challenge.  Getting to the starting line is the biggest thing you can do.  No reason to wait until xmas is over, or the holiday temptations are done.  “Do it now”.

Faster, Rainy’r, longish run!

This weekend I had a half-marathon to run on my own out on the curvy hilly roads of my hood.  The task was to keep a faster pace.  Often when training for really long races and runs, I do shorter runs at harder paces to keep myself in shape for shorter distances and this ultimately creates faster longer distances. It rained like crazy.  For about 3/4 of the run.  I took this pic because this little river developed in a matter of only about 20 minutes.  The cool thing is that instead of dread the rain or hate it, I turned my mind to loving it by realizing it was a cleansing run that was refreshing!  Awesome huh??? Did you realize that you can DECIDE how to think about something…….even rain during your run.  And that if you do this in a positive way it will help you in the rest of your life.  I think that that’s pretty darn cool. So next week I have a long run weekend again.  I will post about it then but I have to go about 50 miles in a 24 hour period and that will be my last long run before I hit the road for the Across the years race in Arizona. Wish me luck!

Better than the runners HIGH!

Today was a fantastic run.  I am currently in this totally awesome course called MKMMA and this is part of why this run was so awesome today.  If you have never put your voice to music so you can listen to your vision in life while you run I highly recommend it.  So I was out there on the normal beaten path of the sidewalk I hit most days of the week, when all of a sudden my ipod just came to life.  I even shed a tear about this.

It was a super cold brisk sunny day and I was intently listening to myself with some awesome background music tell myself how awesome my life was and how much I am and am going to accomplish.  The exertion of running, the cold air going into my lungs, the sound of my voice and the sun all came together and everything seemed so certain, so ok, so RIGHT! Now that is an awesome feeling that beats any runners high hands down.  My body felt great, my mind felt great, my heart felt great, and my emotions felt great.  Wish all of my runs felt this way but I have a hunch that more of them will be like this in the future.

The basics of todays run was 4 miles slower and easy with the last two miles headed home at a hard pushing pace.  Nothing was stopping me today.  So while I am on top of the mountain for now, I wanted to share with you that so much is possible for you, so much is in you, SO MUCH.  Even if you can’t see it or feel it, it is there.  Ask yourself the simple question: What do I really want my life to be? Then just sit there and think about it……when it comes to you……WRITE IT DOWN.  Then put it to some music if you can. Ask me how in the comments if your curious.  Peace out!

Long runs teach you about life!

The is a picture from the last mile of my weekends long run

One of the things that I love about my weekend long runs is that I always learn something about life.  I have said it so many times……running, especially longer runs that really push you mentally, mimic life.  Each long run is unique and each one tests you in a new and different way.  There are ups, and downs, and ups, and downs.  So this weekend while putting in my 46 miles of training, I learned/remembered these two secrets.

•  There comes a time where you eventually have to give up all hope that your negative thinking is going to get you to where you are going faster, get you home easier, and  that thinking like this will make it better. (That’s a link to better thinking!) 
• During these long runs AND life, you finally get to a place where you humbly bow down to the fact that everything you want in life (and getting home from a run) is gained one step at a time.
• Ultrarunning ain’t no microwave and neither is life.  It doesn’t happen easily or fast!

Can you do this?

I had a 10 mile variable speed run the other day.  Four minutes at 9 minute pace, 1 minute at FASTER pace, then two minutes walking.  When you are training for your big race it is ALWAYS important to read your body.  Some people cant’ do it and some can I guess.  That’s what I have heard but I am pretty good at it.  I think the ONLY reason I am good at it other than being an introspective person is that I keep the long term perspective in mind.

Back to that hard run.  It was pretty long and had a lot of hills.  By five miles my legs had a “pump” like when you are lifting weights, they were burning, and my Achilles were a bit painful.  I could have keep on, I could have overpowered my body with my mind, but instead I went the wise route.  I READ MY BODY.  WHY????  Because I know not getting injured and keeping on the road is far better for my progress than making it 10 miles with an injury that potential could put me out for awhile.  It is so easy to get impatient with ourselves or our progress.  Just remember, if you lose 20 pounds this year it is really like 30 because you would’ve gained 10 if you didn’t do anything.  Long term baby, long term.

Do you feel you are good at reading your body???

Time For Recess, Glee in Life

I had a most wonderful experience while running today.  That’s not so normal for a speed work day hahaha.  At the five mile or so mark I was round a corner, I was listening to Les Brown on my IPOD at the time when all of a sudden I heard GLEE!!!!!  I head chitter chatter, laughing, joy, contentment, and LIFE.  Keep in mine I heard this over my IPOD.  That is amazing in and of itself.  I looked to my right and there it was, a school playground full of kids kicking balls, swinging, running, talking, and all manner of lively things we all used to do.  It brought so much joy to my run today.  I even stopped to walk slowly so I could take the sound in and even took a pic for the blog.

DO YOU REMEMBER YOU, WHEN YOU HAD THAT GLEE AND VIBRANCY?

DO YOU REMEMBER YOU, WHEN YOU HAD FANTASTICAL DREAMS AND SMILED A LOT?

I do, but I normally don’t, so my best advice is to be observant…….even during a speed work out LOL.  Because something this simple can turn the page in your life if you take it seriously and ask yourself some good questions!  Peace out!

Today’s run was a refreshing success!

Here I am waiting for race walker champion Tammi. Fellow blogger who won the race walk division. I am also getting teared up by watching everyone push through and finisher their own marathons

I had a 6 mile run today where I took it easy for the first 4 miles then kicked it into high gear for the last 2 miles.  It was raining the whole time but after reading Og Mandino’s Scroll 2 I loved the rain as a cleansing of my spirit.  An my spirit was soaring after this run.  My body felt great during and after the run, my mind was in full force positive, and my hope for the future was engaged in the now.  I guess I am saying that I am very thankful that my run went well today.  These days are a gift to be cherish.  These days are the days that make keeping on easier.  These are the types of runs that you remember when you are sucking wind wondering why you are running at all.  We all have hard days……….and that’s ok.  Just do your best and know that you are headed in the direction you yearn to be heading in.  Peace

Two months until Across the Years 24 hour race

This is the story of the original Strolling Jim Horse

Well I have been running, doing weight watchers, and really striving towards new heights this past month.  So far this month I have been able to train my mind and body pretty well with two runs in the 35-40 mile range over the weekend.  Man these runs are tough but so satisfying at the same time especially when I KNOW that they are preparing me for a much more challenging race………..Across The Years.  This is a 24 hour race and my goal is to break my previous distance record of 63 miles.  I did that in 16 hours I think so I don’t think I will be there at the moment with my conditioning but the funny thing is, this isn’t the BIG goal race for me.  This race is going to really prepare my mind and body for my favorite race of all time which is the Strolling Jim 40 miler held in Wartrace, Tennessee.  This race holds a special place in my heart.  Oh, getting off track lol.

I have a few months to prepare for the 24 hour race.  Just in case you are interested in knowing what preparing for a race like this means here is a little bullet point outline

• Visualize the race in a quiet place AND while running
• Losing more weight and eating healthier
• Doing some resistance training as these long ultras take their toll on many different parts of your body especially your back and shoulders
• Running 4-5 times per week
• Super long run every 2 or 3 week that is from 10 hours to maybe 15 once I get closer
• Staying positive and not letting the naysayers make me believe I am crazy for striving to be my best
• Talking it all over with a coach once per week

And finally, just keeping on keeping on with the good habits that always create a new us!

Week of recovery and the blues

About Wednesday I was feeling out of sorts, blue, and a bit overwhelmed.  Thankfully a friend reminded me that I had just run a marathon only three days prior.  Now I normally don’t forget about something like that but since I have been really focusing on a new journey I had forgotten.  It is often common when you complete a marathon or a big goal that some “bummers” set in.  Just relax…….everything is going to be ok.  Tell someone about it so that you can have an awesome friend remind you of what is really going on.

Keep on keeping on!

Back in action so it seems

I feel like I am back in action after finishing the Portland Marathon.  I am a bit heavier than normal but who cares.  I’m growing, I’m reaching, and I am becoming.  And that my friends is super exciting.  I have taken two days off completely from exercising but I am feeling good so I will get back to it tomorrow and start striving towards my next goal which is the Across The Years race in December.  That one will be a bit tougher and a little longer though, yet I still look forward to it.

Weight Watchers is still in effect too.  I have not done all I can do the last few weeks so my weight hasn’t changed much and that is about to change LOL.

Here is a great quote to remember today as you go through your activities: “SOMETIMES THE ONLY GOOD THINGS YOU WILL HEAR ABOUT YOU ARE THE THINGS YOU SO TO YOU!”  It comes from this video regarding fear by Les Brown.

When you see a “big” person out there exercising think twice

Today while I was out for my 6 hour jaunt to train for my 24 hour race coming up in December, I had to chuckle to myself.  One thing that I do now when I talk about my running is I usually only give the amount of time or the distance but not both.  It automatically causes a person to judge me or themselves.  Really it is all irrelevant.  The important part is that YOU or ME is out there.  That’s what counts. Anyway, so sometimes I will get passed by a “faster” runner, orrrrrrrrr……….I will pass a “slower” runner.  I have learned over time is that things are not always as they appear.  That fast person might be running a mile as fast as they can and I am on my 5th hour out there and feeling grumpy.  Or, that person I pass might be getting past the longest they have ever gone and I am on my faster weekly run.  My point is that it’s important to remember that everyone is in their own place on the fitness journey and us looking from the outside have no idea where that is.

Step by step the weight comes off

Losing weight is a son-of-a-gun!  It takes time.  It takes effort.  It takes pain.  It takes deprivation LOL.  Well you don’t have to actually deprive yourself but there really shouldn’t be anymore “eat the whole large pizza” nights. HAHAHA.  I lost weight this week and feel pretty darn good about it so I tried to celebrate the victory and reflect.  I remembered that losing weight is both a mental and physical journey.  In both aspects all it takes is one step after another.  I remembered that it takes time and patience is essential to our success.  I realized that just doing the small things right, day after day, as boring as it can get will give you the results that you want.  Sometimes the pathway to success is not so exciting and that is ok because it is not excitement that gets the job done.  IT’S ACTION.

Sometimes……rest and reflection

There are times, especially when you have been striving to reach a goal, that a good restful reflection is in order. This weekend I didn’t run. Rather I chose to reflect on the past 6 months efforts that I put forth to achieve some big time goals. I achieved some goals and now have to set new ones, but before I completely got out the pen and paper to set my sail towards a new direction I rested. I took time to be with my loved ones, think about the past and the future, and set apart some time to have fun. This is a big win for me to take time out to have fun and not be so driven. I highly recommend it.

A life lesson from a “tuff” race!

 

photo by strangesports.com

So I have been thinking about this blog post for about two months now and this last race pushed me over the edge to finally be able to articulate in some form what I have wanted to say.  Most of you  know that I think ultra-running parallels life in many interesting ways.  One of the ways is the unexpected blow up.  Just reading what I just wrote possibly brought up your own sacred times in life where you experienced a “blow up”.  Not of temper, not of fire, but of life itself and the dreams that are contained within it.  Times in your life that forced a renegotiation of your goals or path.  We have all experienced this in some form or another.  But what we do with these times is what counts the most.  Avoiding times like these at all costs will not permit you to totally avoid them.  We can plan, we can hope, we can pray, but these times occur regardless.  It is possible to minimize the damage they can cause or possibly their frequency but one thing is for sure; they will happen.  And this is ok.  So I am going to write out one of these the best way I know how because I think you’ll like it and I just need to do it so here it goes.  Picture your own life as I describe the situation in running form.

Ahhhhhhh……….my goal is ahead and I have worked so long and hard and dreamed for so long about it.  I can taste it.  I can almost experience my dream in my mind just pondering on the attainment of the goal.  THAT place is so happy.  I know it will be amazing to get there and the sense of peace I will have knowing that I got my dream.  The journey has been long to get to the starting line but I am here.  I start my race with such joy and comfort knowing what my future hours hold for me.  Running in the breeze thinking how blessed I am to be able to be taking part in life like this.  I meet people along the way that improve my experience greatly.  I find out more about them as we run together.    I know that they are most likely just for a time but at this time it is great to get to know them.  As I am running I see the hills before me without fear because I know I can walk if needed or I can slow it down enough to conserve my energies.  There is no rush really, I have a long race ahead of me but the excitement must be contained so that I don’t burn out on a good thing.  I keep on just getting more excited that my dreams are ahead of my and they will become a reality.  Of course there are rough patches during the run.  My legs burn and I want to rest.  My back is tight and I want to stretch.  Many thoughts come during those rough patches that widdle my dream down to barely possible.  Then the sun shines in through the trees and my life returns as I eat some more carbs.  My mind awakens and I am in “the good” again believing all is possible.  Time moves on and on as I run.  I’m running, I’m running, I’m running.  After a long time of pursuing this dream something happens seemingly out of nowhere.  It’s the blow up.  The blow up is a devastating crushing blow to my mind and emotions.  The dream is shut down and the door feels closed.  Survival is my only thought during a blow up.  That and giving up completely.  I know the end is near enough but the short distance from the present darkness to the light at the end of my great achievement appears to be many more miles than it really is.  My thoughts change from delight in life and running to self questioning and sanity.  “Was I stupid for trying to achieve and experience great things.  Did I bite off more than I can chew.  Will I hurt myself doing this.  Am I in danger in this dark time” .  All the negative thoughts that I was able to conquer regarding my dreams before are now so consuming that I cannot shut them up.  Panic sets into me just as powerfully as the joy set in earlier in my journey.  Will I be able to get what I want so badly out of this now that attaining my original goal is impossible?????  This is where the magic happens in ultra-running AND life.  I know I can’t make it to my original goal.  I am already running longer than my goal finishing time and I have so far to go still.  What am I to do with all of this.  If I give up and quit I still have to walk to the finish because there is now way out of the race (life).  If I keep going through this blow up it’s going to hurt really bad and I don’t want to hurt that bad anymore.  If I just go slower I might as well quit!  But then the renegotiating happens.  At first I hate it because it feels weak like a cop-out but the courage begins to build again but for a new purpose.  The original goal is now very far gone but the endurance and capacity to conquer the blow up now takes precedence.  I find myself realizing that the journey could very possibly be more important than the attainment of the original goal.  The the experience of this hurt, this “failure”, this “shame” could be worth millions more than crossing the finish line without scars.  Although down and out, I forge ahead with a new but painfully real struggle.  I must not let the “blow up” finish me.  Then it hits me, “OMG………..the goal is not me.  I’m me and I don’t have to let the circumstance finish me and in fact I can let it refine me.”  My heart melts at the prospect of making it through this blow up as a better man, as a better more knowledgable runner.  I find great peace in this painful experience knowing that just making it through to the other side of it means so much to me.  And when I cross the finish line where my goal once sat waiting for me to take it, I am thankful for making it at all.  I am thankful for that pain and hurt that even though at the time seemed so intense was really only temporary as compared to the impact it will have on my future runs and life. 

So I think it is with life too.  We all have goals and aspirations and dreams.  Sometimes it is as though we are running through life so smoothly but we don’t see that huge cliff that drops off just ahead.  That cliff that swallows up so much of what we think we have in us to give.  That blow up that takes so much out of us that life seems terribly painful to keep at.  So much is possible for us.  So much is right there for us to become if we can renegotiate the path and the goals.  In a sense I feel like even though we might not get what we originally wanted, we will get the best that is attainable by moving on through the blow up.  Things get painful, and slow, and don’t work on our time line but keeping on develops in us such a tremendous power to achieve the most important thing.  That is to achieve the depth and reality of the person that we can be.

Mole man!

This is my new running name.  Special friend gave it to me.  I think it is pretty dang cool. 

Jason

Running through it

Over the last several months I have not done a whole lot of being consistant.  I have had a very hard time getting my life back together enough so that I can once again stick to a “normal” schedule of daily operations.  At least this is what I have thought……………………….but I have had a stroke of insight today.  I have not been doing ALL BAD!  So I will look on the bright side of things.  I have developed and implemented a new system at my work place that will change it forever and for the better.  I have followed my dreams of training for, and finally attempting to run 100 miles.  I have continued to eat ok enough not to gain ALL my weight back.  I have held it together in many ways but it still does not take away the fact that it has been really really hard.  And the hard stuff is not over yet either.  Sometimes I feel it is only getting harder.  But one thing I know for sure is that I have been running through it all.  It is the constant (other than God) that stands firmly in place.  Well, not always firmly but I have not let go of it.  I have cut back, gone hard, eased off, etc. etc.  But I have not turned my back on running.  I have pretty much stayed with at least two days a week of running.  My come back races were 32 and 41 miles. 

This tiny piece of consistancy, with which coach dean has helped tremendously, has helped me piece things together.  It has helped me have a foundation to build off of again.  I am back to exercising with cross-training.  I am excited once again about my running goals.  I am looking forward to doing more running in the very near future and Coach Dean will help me attain physically what I want to attain emotionally as a way for me to set a foundation for all that is to come.  I have to start somewhere.  Heck, I have already started long ago, but I have finally realized I cannot do this all at once.  I cannot go at this with an all or nothing approach like I normally can.  i just don’t have the mental nor emotional energy to do so.  So it will go step by step but I will keep on keeping on.  I will run, I will eat, I will workout, I will talk things out with people I trust, I will remember my blessings and……………………………………..things will become what I desire them to be.  I have learned a lot about being patient with myself and that has been hard.  But I am glad I have learned it.  VERY GLAD.

The Tennesse Floods of 2010 kept me stranded in heaven

I was going to post some pics of the flood but this video gives you a much better idea of what happened while I was there.   I was trapped there with my friend and the wonderful family I mentioned earlier.  There was no way we could get to the airport because EVERY road there was flooded and closed.  Luckily we got to hang out with Mike and Lisa who took such good care of us it was unbelievable.  It literally was like heaven for me.  Biscuits and gravy, pizza, relaxation, more pizza, snacks galore, and the warm welcome of a loving christina family who knew how to give and love like Jesus.  Thanks guys.  You were so good to us. 

Check out this video everyone.  I really shows well what happened and is still happening there.

I got to sleep in one of the coolest rooms ever in the whole wide world. I only got one pic of it but it is a cool pic at that. It was at the family’s home that I stayed at. It was one of the daughters rooms. There was the greatest paintings on the walls and I took a pic of this cool mouse.

This mouse was on the wall only three inches from my face while I was in bed. I had to take a pic of it cuz i loved it

Out of hermitville…………New life Check Up

Hello everyone.  I have decided, for the benefit of my own health to come out from being a blog hermit.  I have experienced a lot since the last time I wrote to you all.  My life has changed drastically, my heart is soft again, I have opened up myself to other around me, and I HAVE EATEN A VAST AMOUNT OF FOOD. HAHAHAHA.  I am not complaining though.  For today I show myself mercy and I don’t do that too often.  At this time it is needed however, so I will give myself a break.

• I am current 8 lbs over my WW lifetime goal.  Yup, that is right, I actually had to pay the last time I went and that was the first time in around 2 years. 
• I am having a hard time with recovery in my running lately.
• I have stood up for myself and been authentic more in the last three months than I ever was in my previous 33 years of life.
• My heart has changed drastically and I am excited to move on in my life to experience even more love and growth than ever before.
• I am back to WW and starting out on a new path.  I will do well for sure.

I have received so many emails from all of you who care.  I appreciate it more than you would ever dream.  I did not return any of them for the most part but I did take each and every word that you spoke into my life and used it for good.  I have slowly (some would tell me VERY quickly) but surely emerged from a lot of crappy darkness.  I will never be the same but I will be better instead of worse. 

I will tell you all, that I have learned so much about myself and about people.  I have experienced and learned so much mercy and understanding.  When I think of it all I kind of melt into a lump of thankfulness.  I get filled with emotion at the realization that people (yeah, all of us) have the capacity to endure and grow more than even I ever imagined.  And I saw that Love and Compassion for others is a major factor in my ability to endure such things that I have.  I saw that my running is more of a picture of my life than I thought, and that it has taught me good lessons that will stick with me for a lifetime

A LITTLE MESSAGE TO YOU ALL

You know what guys, sometimes things just get hard don’t they.  Sometimes they add up over time, and other times they rush in to overwhelm.  I wanted to tell you that no matter what happens or has happened, just about anything is possible for you.  Now is not the time to give up on what you want in life.  Now is not the time to think of yourself as a throw away.  Now is not the time to let others talk you out of your dreams.  I know you can do what it is you want to do.  Just take one step, just one.  And in time, you will one day be where you want to be.  And during those many steps you will fall down.  This is ok.  This is nothing to panic over.  This is the normal human experience and it is highly desirable albeit not enjoyable.  Because when we do fall, we learn how to stand once again.