15 miles @ 7:34 pace. My goal pace long run.

Goal paced runs are no mean to be easy.  In fact, they are in the running schedule to train the body to run at a particular pace and intensity.  They are “race specific” workouts that help your muscles, mind, and mechanics find that rythm.  I enjoy these runs yet I find them very challenging at the same time.  Yesterday was no different than normal, it was a tough workout.  I finished the run very well and felt pretty good for most of the miles.   The miles in the first hour seem to alway be my hardest and once I break the one hour mark it is as though things ease up and get better.  I fall into a state of being like a machine and it is more automatic rather than forced.

It amazes me that I can even run this fast for this many miles.  It is still foriegn to me that it is possible.  I feel like I am sprinting.  I learn that I can keep going regardless of breathing and body sensations.  It is amazing to me.  I am always so proud when I accomplish one of these runs.  It is funny that even the the first hour is harder, I tend to think that I can do a marathon at this pace no problem.  Then, as I near the end of the run, I start to think a little differently and that a marathon at this pace would be a big challenge.

Anyway, 15 miles at a 7:34 pace put me at a finishing time of less than 2 hours and I burned 2100 calories.  Pretty good for the days activity and it didn’t take me all day to do it so that is nice

A new and deep secret shared today.

Morning everyone.  A new secret has been posted on the secret page.  It is a deep secret not at all easy to share.  Everyone has their troubles, everyone has their pains.  In that sense we are all in the same boat.  Have a good day.

A new Secret Eating Secret confession just got let out of the closet.

All to common for me!  Yup, that is right.  Secret eating is a common one so this secret confessor is certainly not alone on this one.  Check out the new secret #77  here.  You may just find some comfort in the fact that you are not the only one.

A new secret came in today. 73 secret confessions are now on the secret page.

It has been a little while since the secret page has been used, but today we have the blessing of sharing the journey with a secret person.  They have confessed their emotions to get liberated.  Come and read the new secret HERE.

New Secret came in today. 73 secrets are now disclosed on the secret page

It has been a little while since the secret page has been used, but today we have the blessing of sharing the journey with a secret person.  They have confessed their emotions to get liberated.  Come and read the new secret HERE.

Abuse, freedom, life………….

Hello my fellow bloggers.  Many of us have had difficult times in our lives.  Some of these times have really broken us.  In many cases, we like to hold onto these difficult times.  We like to make a secret place in our hearts that contains this “thing”.  This helps protect us for the short term.  It helps us hide from the death that these things bring about in our souls. But like waking up in the dawn, we get out of our slumbering sleep to open the shades on the window.  The sun peaks through, the warmth rests on our skin, new life and a new day arises.  This is what happens when we open our secret compartment.  We don’t want to.  We are scared to.  We feel that life as we know it will end.  AND IT WILL!!!!  The darkness of the secret spaces recieves light when we open up.  One more weight in our lives is lifted off.  The healing can start.  We blossom in a new dimension and begin to live stronger.  It is not easy, but it allows the journey to begin………………..

My friend Angela has done such a thing.  She has “opened up the secret compartment”.  She has opened the window and let the light in.  She is moving on in the journey.  She is awesome.  She, like many of us, experienced a hurt.  She, like many of us, has held onto this hurt.  She, like many of us, is COMING OUT!  I am proud of her, I accept her, I admire her.

Please check out her post.  It’s real.  It’s moving.  It’s life.

ANGELA OPENS THE SECRET COMPARTMENT!!

Imagery for escapism.

image credit: homeyra.files.wordpress

In talking with a friend the other day about my own former and present desire to escape using food, drugs, etc., I shared an imaginative word picture to describe the reality of trying to escape. 

I may have shared this before but I can’t really remember.  I hate rejection.  I hate knowing or feeling like the people I love are mad at me.  It hurts me and I don’t deal with it good and when I feel like they are mad at me I sometimes eat to escape the feeling.  I used to drink to escape it, then I ate to escape it, maybe now I run to escape it.  Not sure but the point is that you really can’t escape the feelings and emotions and the situations of life.  We can try as hard as we want to but life goes on and so will the chaos around us.  We must walk on and fight our way through it.  I can’t escape, so maybe I should stop trying too.

Here is my word picture.  Sit back and relax.  Try and really picture this little imagery story in your mind as you read it.  Try to “see” it.  It impacted me greatly years ago and I find it to be true to this day.

As you get high or drunk or sugar drunk, you slowly yet peacefully start to rise up and float away from your chaotic surroundings.  All the craziness and hurt disappears as it gets smaller and smaller while you move towards the clouds.  You look down with a sigh of relief that all the crap is going bye bye.  It is becoming smaller to you even second.  Now you are in the clouds.  You have forgotten the chaos.  Enjoying yourself.  The peace, the quiet, the relief.  Of but wait a minute.  You start to float back downward.  You body leaves the clouds then your head.  You can begin to see the remnants of the chaos below as it grows in size.  Closer.  Cloooser.  Even closer now.  You abruptly touch down exactly in the same spot from which you left.  Nothing has changed.  Nothing is better.  You landed safe and sound but everything you were trying to accomplish by going up into the clouds is frivolous now.  You are in the same spot as you were before and the chaos is the same or it may have even grown in magnitude.  Then you try to go up again…….

Now think about if you spend years trying to escape only to find that you have lost that many years.  You keep trying to get away but life keeps on going by and when escaping doesn’t work you end up back where you started only further behind.  Food can’t do it.  Alcohol and drugs can’t do it.  Sex can’t do it.  Love can’t do it.  Nothing will work when you are trying to escape.  We can do this.  We can learn and grow and change so that we don’t have to try to escape and avoid anymore.  We can move on from the hurts.

Marathon #13 Race Report. Bad weather, Secret #71, and Personal Record.

Race Headquaters

What a marathon experience this was.  To me, it was like the beast that brought the runners together.  With the weather being so horrible, it seemed to bring the runners to a place where we understood, “We are a unique bunch of crazy people”  Twelve of us toed the starting line for the early start as we laughed about the 2-3 inches of snow on the ground and the pouring down snow/rain mix.  Despite the weather we were an energetic group ready to take part in the rare adversity of this marathon.  At 9:33 a.m. we took off together not knowing how things would end up.

The Leprechaun Marathon was filled with what seemed like a lifetime of weather.  For the first ten miles the snow/mix was coming down hard.  Since the course was not closed to traffic, every car that passed was spraying me with slush that was on the road.  Now that was cold and dirty stuff.  After awhile I tried to jump over the spraying slush so instead of hitting me from the waist down is was just soaking my feet.  Took three potty breaks in the first ten miles. HAHA 

From the half marathon point to mile 18 it just plain rained.  The snow had pretty much melted away so no more car splashing.  My clothes were so heavy from the wetness that they we rubbing me raw in many places.  Just part of the fun I guess.  Nothing I could do about it so I ended up just laughing at the adversity.  I could not change anything so I just had to do my best and try and keep my pace in line.  I was also alone for the entire race.  I never for even one minute ran with someone.  Since there was so few people, we were all spread out.  Then the most amazing thing happened………..

A hard confession has been made. It is real life stuff right here today. #71

Well, everyone, a secret confession #71 came in today.  The secret person says that they gained some weight and now they are giving up.  I sure hope they don’t.  Life is to short to not try.  Life is worth more than giving up in frustration is.

Check it out on the Secret Confessions!  Get Liberated!

Stay up to date with the confessions by subscribing to Run4change.

Secret #70 just in. Girl scout cookies are a pain in the a…!! Time for some liberation

We all know the delicious taste of our favorite Girl Scout cookie.  Some of us can keep them around without issue yet some of us cannot.  Today’s secret confessions is a vent about eating the infamous cookies.  Check it out.

Also, don’t forget to share your own confession.  Not only will it help you to let out the pressure of holding the secret, but it will help other know that they are not alone on this journey that at times seems impossible.

Here is the 70th secret on the run4change Secret Confessions Page

A fast food secret was added to the run4change secret page today

We all get down in the dumps.  We who love our food tend to go to it for comfort.  I know I have a millions time over and I know many of you have to.  The secret page was updated today with a confession of using food for comfort, for medication of negative thoughts and feelings.  Come on in and be encouraged to know that you are not the only one.

And don’t forget to share your own weight loss journey secret confession too.  Go HERE to read the updated Secret Confessions Page

Make sure you don’t miss out on any new confessions that come in by subscribing HERE

My reply to a “fear” comment. Weight loss fears and my thinking!

Today I got a fantastic comment on the first post in the “fear” series.  It brought to my mind my own fears and the reality of the way I think sometimes.  I wanted to share with you my reply to the comment.  Here it is.

Rob- This is a fantastic contribution man. It is so true. I am going to add to it if that is OK

Point #1-People have acted and are different to me now. No doubt about it. And like you said about your fear, I do have an attitude with them except I am very passive like and I don’t show them the attitude. I just keep it inside hidden in a place that when that person comes around I bring that thing out of hiding and tell myself,“Oh I remember you. You can’t be trusted. You are either fake or have an ethic about fat people that I don’t like or trust. Sure I’ll be nice to you right now but you’re not getting inside. I’ll keep you on the peripheral.  You are not trusted enough for me to let you inside (my heart, mind, etc)”

Point #2-I am freaked out about this because I have done what you are saying. I am not doing it in a mean or negative way at all and I usually don’t speak it I just think it. I will see an over weight person who is not trying to lose weight at all and think to myself, “Oh man. look!! They just have no idea what is possible for them. They are so defeated about the weight. I know how that is because I have been there,  but they could get out if they wanted to. I wish they could believe..”

Then there are the times where I see someone who asks me how I did it and what they should do so that they can do it.  I tell them about WW and they join lets say.  They start the journey but all they want to do is make excuses as to why they don’t count their points or exercise.  They tell me why they should have to count or exercise also.  Again, I never say it out load but here is what I think, “Don’t you know that it won’t work if you keep acting that way. Quit lying to yourself and just do what you really want and know you should do.  It just won’t work if you are not committed to this. This is hard work and it takes attention to your efforts to succeed. Nobody loses weight by accident and I don’t know why you think you are any different. You just need to face the truth that you have to do this or that you are not ready/willing to do this.”

Now this is different from how I think when I see people trying hard and are battling with the emotional demons regarding food. The journey is not easy at all, but it is possible. These people tend to mess up but also seem to own up to the fact that it was them that did it and they move on for as long as they can until the next mess up. This is how everyone does it anyway right? We go as long as we can being good, mess up, get back on track, and over and over we go and the mess ups get further apart and our good times are better then the good times before.

I hope I made sense Rob. I am going to make this a post too.

Secret # 68 just in. The secret page is ready for your weight loss secret confession!!

image credit: media.arstechnica.com

This is great.  The secret page has now been updated again with the latest secret.  Secret # 68 is about lying to a friend.

Make sure you check out the secret page here and make your own contribution.

You can subscribe here to get updates every time the secret page has a new secret submitted to it.

More secret weight loss journey confessions added this morning. Come on come all!!

image credit: media.arstechnica.com

 

 

UPDATED ON 2/21/2009:  THERE ARE NOW 67  LIBERATING SECRETS ON THE PAGE

Subscribe HERE for your own special secret updates!

Ok everyone.  The liberating page called Secret Confessions: Get Liberated!  is working out very well.  This is a special place to get those secrets about our journey that are sitting in the dark into the light so that we can  move towards health.  I really encourage you to use this page because it will help tremendously in difficult times.  There are specific instructions on how to leave an anonymous comment on the secret page itself.  Check it out

Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakens.

Carl Jung

Two more liberating secrets were confessed today. The fear of being unlovable and chocaholics.

image credit: media.arstechnica.com

UPDATED ON 2/17/2009:  THERE ARE NOW 66  LIBERATING SECRETS ON THE PAGE

Subscribe HERE for your own special secret updates!

Ok everyone.  The liberating page called Secret Confessions: Get Liberated!  is working out very well.  This is a special place to get those secrets about our journey that are sitting in the dark into the light so that we can  move towards health.  I really encourage you to use this page because it will help tremendously in difficult times.  There are specific instructions on how to leave an anonymous comment on the secret page itself.  Check it out

Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakens.

Carl Jung

 

 

The secret page was updated today. #59’s victory and one new secret. Don’t miss out!

UPDATED ON 2/15/2009:  THERE ARE NOW 64  LIBERATING SECRETS ON THE PAGE

Also, #59 has sent in the big final victory for us to rejoice about.

Subscribe HERE for your own special secret updates!

Ok everyone.  The liberating page called Secret Confessions: Get Liberated!  is working out very well.  This is a special place to get those secrets about our journey that are sitting in the dark into the light so that we can  move towards health.  I really encourage you to use this page because it will help tremendously in difficult times.  There are specific instructions on how to leave an anonymous comment on the secret page itself.  Check it out

Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakens.

Carl Jung

The secret page was updated today! Come and share your own secret!

UPDATED ON 2/13/2009:  THERE ARE NOW 63  LIBERATING SECRETS ON THE PAGE

Subscribe HERE for your own special secret updates!

Ok everyone.  The liberating page called Secret Confessions: Get Liberated!  is working out very well.  This is a special place to get those secrets about our journey that are sitting in the dark into the light so that we can  move towards health.  I really encourage you to use this page because it will help tremendously in difficult times.  Here is an example from Secret Poster #59’s victory:

Secret Poster #59 reporting in.
I just wanted to let everyone know that I just told the other person we cannot talk anymore. They understood and respected me, and my wishes. For those of you that pray, please pray for me. I’m crying and didn’t realize just how hard this would be, but I know it is the right thing. I think that part of it being hard is that fact that you have to face that there is something wrong in your marriage. That’s the hardest part of all. This has been a long stressful day for me and I must tell you all I wanted to do was eat. I chewed on a big wad of gum all day and wanted to pig out at McDonald’s, but didn’t. I ended up at SUBWAY getting a foot long, only eating 6 inches and putting the other half away for work tomorrow, so in the midst of all this pain I still made healthy decisions. At least there’s a silver lining somewhere in all this. Anyway, good night. Thanks again for all the love and support. It really got me through this MAJOR temptation in my life.  I just wanted to thank everyone again for their support.  I was able to get to sleep right away and probably have the best night sleep in a long time.  I feel like a new person and like a ton of bricks has been lifted off my back.  Again, I appreciate everyone here and Jason I really appreciate all you do to help, encourage, and inspire us.  you are a true friend.

When you leave your secret comment, only the secret confession will show up on the page.  There are additional instructions if you want to leave a comment so that not even I know who you are.  I figured that this would help a lot of people realize that they are not alone.   Each day the Secret page is updated, I will change the information above and put this post at the top of the front page.  This will let everyone know that the page is being used.  Feel free to check it out.

Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakens.

Carl Jung

Don’t throw the towel in yet. Response to a secret!

28 🙂 1/24/2009– I’m throwing in the towel! I am giving up! I don’t deserve to be here! I am just sick of failing and letting myself down. …….

Dear Secret Person,

I am so very sorry that you are having a hard time right now. You are right. This journey, as well as other journey’s, are not easy. Many people throw the towel in. Damn, I have thrown the towel in. Many, many times. You are also right that sometimes things don’t go the way we dreamed in marriages and relationships. We hit a road block and don’t know what to do or how to feel. One thing I know for sure is that IT IS OK TO FEEL! You know and I know that you are hurting right now. Hurting a lot. Hopelessness, helplessness, fatigue, worry, fear, depression! I have been in the deep dark place of disillusionment. It hurts and the sight that I had in that place was very dull. It was difficult if not impossible to see any light. I am sorry my friend. I feel for you. When I got your comment, I was on my way to skiing for the night. I prayed inside for you as I drove. I hurt for you, I cared for you, I hoped for you.

I don’t want to tell you not to feel this way. It is very difficult to stop feeling and you shouldn’t stop feeling. All I can tell you is the truth. The truth IS visible from outside that darkness. If only I could grab your hand to pull you out only for a moment. It would only take a moment of clarity. You don’t have to throw in the towel. It is you choice, but you don’t have to. You are not helpless nor are you hopeless. There is hope. God has a plan to give you a good future and not to harm you, regardless of what has happened. You can overcome these hard times and recover even stronger than ever……..

Once again, I am sorry that you are hurting so much. Other people also have that same reality. You are not the only one. People all around have hurts, that stay inside, that aren’t visible to the people around them. I am glad you shared your story, your feelings. Please, don’t throw in the towel yet. One more step, one more hour, one more day. I know you can make it. I am human, we are human, it can be done. Be blessed. 😦