How important is routine to your weight loss success???

As the tress in the picture border and frame out the pathway, routines can become one of the most important pillars that will hold you up until you achieve your weight loss goal.  And again like the picture, your routines can frame your path to success.  I believe to achieve weight loss without consistent routines is very difficult.  Think about it…………you have to exercise consistently, then you have to slowly ramp up the exercise consistently, you will have to have a pretty consistently healthy diet where you eat less than you burn, and you will have to weigh consistently.  Each of these things will have a routine with it.   For example, I weigh myself once per week on Monday’s and ONLY Mondays.  That is my routine and it has a purpose (weighing more often than once per week can breed trouble and discouragement due to normal fluctuations).  I also have exercise routines that I do on a consistent basis.  I am changing these routines up now but once I get the changes made I will have developed a new routine that I will perform on a consistent basis.

Another thing that a routine can do for you is give you something to look forward to, or measure, or beat.  It gives a person a good feeling when they do something that their routine calls for.  When you are supposed to work out after work on Wednesday and then you do it, it builds up confidence in you.  Confidence is often built upon what YOU DO. This is why I think the main focus, especially in the beginning, is to develop a routine that you can consistently follow.  One that if you do it, it will be impossible not to succeed as long as you have patience.  Routine, habit, consistency…………..I guess you can call it by many names.  Just KNOW that doing the right things over and over will get you to where you need to go.  It won’t always be at the speed you want and sometimes it may be faster, but having the endurance to keep on keeping on will get you a win.

HOW DO YOU DEVELOP A ROUTINE?

1. Write down you goal
2. Read that goal daily
3. Write a daily “to-do” list of things that you have to do to achieve that goal (stay within weight watchers points, calories, exercise today).
4. Be persistent and develop patience
5. Watch yourself achieve your goal
6. Be thankful

Staying on plan through all the feelings

It’s funny when I think of it, but bad eating doesn’t just happen when you are bummed out or pissed or some other negative emotion.  It happens when you are happy as heck too.  Food and eating it are closely connected to our emotions.  We use it for birthdays, holidays, and celebrations of all types.  We use it at funerals, work meetings, and vacations.  It is all around us during all our feelings good and bad.  It is possible to stay on your plan though during it all.  Sometimes its hard, sometimes its not, but it is ALWAYS possible.  Today I made it possible with some simple choices and the stuff I ate that was not optimal……………well…………..I just counted it.  Ended the day with one point left actually and that is good news.  LOL!  Even on a day where I felt the whole range of emotions and had lots of opportunites to not count or just blow it all, I hung on.  You can too.

I also got my run in tonight.  It was a dry and cold night.  I started the run just as the sun was setting so I took a pic through some awesome old oak trees.  Check it out and thanks for stopping by to read.

Food: First and foremost

I have learned a vast amount this year about my own weight loss journey and possibly about other people’s journey as well.  With all the running I did late 2009 and early 2010 you would think that gaining weight would be impossible.  This is far FAR from the truth.  For someone like me, who loves to eat and also tends to the emotional eating side of things, excise may not make up the difference.  For me, lots and lots of running may slow down the gaining but it will not prevent it.  What I have learned about how much food plays a part in the whole weight loss game is contrary to what I thought originally.  My gain occured steadily while running lots of miles as well as 30-40 mile long runs.  Yup, that’s right!!  I had months where I still steadily gained weight despite the fact that I was run 10 hours a week or so.  In fact, the many hours of running in a way decived me into thinking I did not have to watch what I ate as much, and then my eating remaining faulty even after I got burned out on running.  This just multiplied the weight gain effect.

So my conclusion is that no matter what exercise we do, what we put into our bodies via our mouth is the most important aspect of weight loss or gain.  I understand more now that it is possible to lose weight without exercising but eating VERY well but pretty much impossible to be really successful just leaning on burning calories through exercise.  In my WW meetings they always said that you could lose weight without the exercise even though it was not recommended and the loss would not be as rapid but I always kind of doubted it in the back of my mind.  I don’t doubt this anymore.  If my eating had stayed healthy, balanced, and monitored I never would have gained any weight back despite the amount I ran.  So I think food comes first.  It is the main-stay weapon in our arsenal in the weight loss battle.

A new dawn ahead: Weight Watchers, Running, and a Fresh start

A new year is ahead of us.  This year has been a very wild ride for me personally.  I have not been posting here at all for sometime for various reasons but have not stopped writing because writing is something that helps me learn about myself, my ways, and my weight loss journey.  I hope that I have not lost all my friends here.  I am going to start posting regularly again and I am pretty darn excited about it.  Please feel free to join in on my adventures for 2011. 

For starters, I have gained about 50 lbs.  Yeah that is a lot but what can I do about it now except move forward into a new and exciting dawn. 

This was during my run tonight.

Here I am just days ago during my family christmas

Running

Part of the weight gain came about because of a serious burn out on running that was largely due to personal life stuff that I described on the blog earlier this year.  I tried hard to hold on to all the running I was doing but I just couldn’t, not with the mental stress and life changes.  Plus, I was working really hard on balance. I think I went to far with it though………….LOL!  So I never stopped running but I cut way back and am currently on my way back to running more and getting fit.  Come along with me as I progress again in my fitness, endurance, and running.  I feel like I am practically starting all over with running but I am far from that I think.  Still, way out of shape in my opinion and the extra wait is not fun to run around with.

Weight Watchers

I am, as you may have guessed, doing weight watchers for the “healthy eating” portion of my journey.  I get lots of points on this new POINTS PLUS plan.  Seems pretty well.  At the current time I am not going to meetings but doing it online.  I am having good success with it so far and plan to continue that for sure.  With the exception of xmas day I am eating pretty good and counting EVERYTHING. I know what to do, I am not making excuses, and I will succeed. Soon enough I will look like this again. LOL

Stay tuned to the blog to follow my journey-a-fresh.  I am excited and I hope that my posts can help you on your own journey with real life inspiration.  IT’S GOOD TO BE BACK.  I AM COMING BACK TO MOVE FORWARD!!!

My food until dinner time today

Here is my lunch for the day.  This is pretty much everything that I am going to eat from morning to evening.  I have already eaten my breakfast which was a protien shake with oatmeal in it.  It’s about 5 points on WW.  So I just threw this lunch together kind of because I woke up late and had no time to really make sure it was well balanced.  Here is what I got:

• Two string cheeses-2 points
• One nectarine- 1 point
• One apple- 1 point
• One yogurt- 2 points
• One cup of spaghetti noodles- 4 points
• 3 ounces of chicken in spaghetti sauce- 3 points
• 3 ounces of potatoes with veggies- 1 point
• Half a cup of lean ground beef- 4 points
• Half a cup of rice-4 points
• 100 calorie popcorn

That is 22 points total for my food I eat at work.  Counting my shake it would be 28 points.

I’m trying to get more organized with my food and exercise.  I hope to be able to be posting more now……………I have not been motivated to post much at all for a long time now.  It’s good for me to post as it helps me stay on track and give me motivation.

Very Tired but Happy Too!

Oh boy am I tired today.  I have been staying up pretty late but it has been well worth it.  So I am happy with it.  Lots of stuff has been happening of late and I really like it.  I hope to keep experiencing more and more of it.  On another note, I am totally seeing visible changes in my body when I look in the mirror.  Not huge ones but they are apparent so I feel good about it.  I am getting leaner and it seems to be working its way down from face to shoulders to arms but not to the stomach yet.HAHHAHAHA. That will come in time.  The resistance training is now cut back to two days a week becasue I just can’t do legs the way the trainer wants to and still keep my paces during my running since my legs are so tired.  Running is my first priority but I really like what the training is doing for me.  My eating is also doing well.  It’s not perfect and it probably never will be and I don’t even care if it is.  I have much more mercy on myself now.

Today I have a hard track workout.  It is supposed to be stormy, windy, and raining.  Fun huh!!!  I will be doing 20X400 meter repeats at my 5k pace.  I may not hit all the reps at that pace but will work my booty off to get it done.  These are always really hard workouts for me yet at the end I feel so good that I accomplished something hard.  Doesn’t it feel good when we accomplish something hard or difficult.  When I am done I will crumple into my truck seat and drive home feel exhausted yet exuberant about the achievement.  I will probably tell my friend and coach soon after that about the victory.  The cool this is, is that they will probably ask me how it went and to me that is special because someone cares enough to ask.  Knowing this, I also try to ask about what concerns the people I love and care for.  What they care about concerns me and what hurts them builds compassion in me.  Anyway, things are going well.  Keep on fighting the good fight of health guys.  It is so worth it.  So so worth it.  No need to give up, you CAN get to your place.

A special gift, a fast run, and losing 4 lbs.

Yesterday I was inspired by a VERY special person to keep on posting on the blog.  She reminded me that my journey was special and that I was special too.  I work a lot of hours and don’t spend a whole lot of time at home anymore.  After work yesterday when I got home, there was a special gift sitting on my front door step.  It was my favorite dessert in the world from Elephants Delicatessen: The infamous ding dong cake.  I could not find a picture of it and it would probably make the strongest of  you fall of the wagon anyway. LOL.  It was just sitting there and enclosed within the bag was a magnificent letter of encouragement.  It made my day and it offered my up a fabulous post run meal.  🙂  Thanks special person!

Once I got over the intense pleasure of receiving a wonderful gift I started to prepare for my run.  Well, after some thank you’s and a 5 minute nap.  I woke up refreshed and looking forward to a good run.  I had 7 miles a goal marathon pace which is about 7:30 minute miles.  I knew it was going to be hard but I was not afraid of that.  I was not afraid of failing in this run.  I took a step out the front door to experience what ever the run would lead me too.  I reached into my running jacket pocket to commence Breaking Benjamin on my Ipod.  As the song Anthem of Angels flooded my ears I began my run halfway down my driveway.  My neighborhood road is exactly .5 mile to the main road I venture out on.  There is a hill just before the main road and I was tired already.  I did not hesitate to walk about 50 feet because I knew I had to run a fast run and walking that short distance would not hurt me.  I was already breathing hard but kept at it.  I got to the main road and settled into my pace.  I ran and ran and ran and listened and listened.  Much emotion was built into this run and it carried me a good distance.  After 3 miles I finally got into my zone and the running felt easier which is odd because usually it takes me a good hour to kick into smooth running.  Step by step, minute after minute, mile after mile………..I made my way back home averaging a pace of 7:29 just like the clock in the pic.  It was a hard run and it was a succesful run.  I am just getting back into running goal paced runs more regularly since the 100 mile attempt last February.  It feels good and I am looking forward to growing in running again. 

I also lost 4 lbs last week.  My workouts with the trainer are going well and I can see changes in my body already.  I will have to lay off the legs though so I will probably be cutting the training down to twice a week really hard without the third day for legs.  I’m STILL keeping on keeping on.

A word for my fellow journy-people:

Sometimes life is smooth sailing.  The trail you are running is clear without obstruction.  You feel good, you are succeeding, you are winning the good fight.  Then comes a steep steep hill.  This hill comes out of nowhere and it scares the crap out of you.  You have no idea how you can make it up such a steep climb and you don’t understand how such a huge obstacle could just appear right in the middle of your smooth sailing  journey.  ITS OK!!!  You will keep at it.  Taking one step at a time climbing higher and higher until you reach the top but it will be hard and that’s ok too.  There may be plateaus mid-hill.  You maybe be able to rest for a moment only realizing you are not at the top and that the weight you carry is just too much to carry on.  There is hope in this hill.  You will learn yourself, you will change, you will become the person you dream of.  You’ll be able to start again up this hill.  And the higher you climb the more the hope that was lost will be begin to build up again.  There is hope, there is victory!

I’m hoping for the best!

Since I am working out using resistance training, I am hoping that it will make a difference in my journey to lose the weight I have gained.  So far I have not experienced much of a difference but I have not been eating that great either.  Eating is more than 60%+ of the battle if you ask me.  I mean heck, you can lose the weight without exercising if you have too.  I want to retain and even gain some muscle but also want to be as light as I can for the running.  I don’t really want the concentration camp look but I would like to make my running as easy and as effecient as possible.  So all in all I am hoping to shred the fat off my body, get down to a pretty low body fat %, and build up my running speed and endurance.  I think that this is all feasable but I am having a hard time being patient.  I think the fact that I know what it is like to be where I want to be makes it hard to except the fact that I am where I don’t want to be.  But I will make it to where I am going.  I will keep on keeping on.

Eating, running, and weight watchers???

Like the homing pigeons above, I need to come home.  I AM GOING TO GO HOME.  I am headed back to weight watchers again tomorrow.  I will admit, I have a sense of shame about going back.  Not because of the weight I have gained or anything like that.  I feel “worthy” of going back but what I feel bad about is stopping my meetings in the first place.  I love them you know.  I care about the people there and they care about me.  There is no reason but full on self-deception that has caused me to stay away.  So today I will make a grand entrance at my “home” once again.  I will go there head high and weigh in.  To be honest, even as I write this I am telling myself that I should not go back.  That I should just stay away and forget about it.  But that is my unhealthy side talking.  I know what works for me.  I know what I like to do for my body.  I have listened and listened and listened to my body for so long now there is really no arguing with what works for me and WW works.  And in fact, it works for an endurance athlete as well.  I have made WW work for ultras and marathons.  It will do the job.  I say “it” but really it is just eating healthy and eating the correct amount of calories.  “It” is like any other normal eating program.  The only difference from what I am doing now is that IT IS NORMAL. LOL. 

I am going to start training hard again with my running and on top of that I will be doing three days a week of resistance training.  I long for this.  I am in recovery from the Strolling Jim at the moment but I will be back hard at it soon enough.  I yearn for the self exploration that it all brings, and the self revelation that I experience.  I can’t wait for the sense of accomplishment DAILY knowing that I am doing the RIGHT thing for my body.  The right thing for my life.  I never would have guessed that running would have become such a part of my life.  I never would have dreamed that I would write a post about my third year of long distance running and that I completed my 22nd long race.  I don’t say this stuff to be arrogant and I hope you don’t see it that way.  As I write I am even humbled by the process.  The process of step by step growth.  The process of learning what and what not to do while running.  I am humbled that I can even call myself a runner and to be honest at this point in my running life I still sometimes don’t think I am a REAL runner.  Now that is crazy because a REAL runner is just a normal person who runs, jogs, walk/jogs, etc.  There is no distance that makes you a runner.  There is no magic number of races that changes your identity to be someone else so that you can finally be a REAL runner.  There is no days per week that you must run to be REAL.  All you have to do is get out there and do it.  Fast or slow, smooth or uncordinated, natural or unnatural.  So I am going to get out there and do some more running becasue I want to.  I don’t have to.  I am the same person with the same worth and the same integrity if I do or don’t.  But I want to run, and I want to experience all that it has to offer me in this short life.

Running through it

Over the last several months I have not done a whole lot of being consistant.  I have had a very hard time getting my life back together enough so that I can once again stick to a “normal” schedule of daily operations.  At least this is what I have thought……………………….but I have had a stroke of insight today.  I have not been doing ALL BAD!  So I will look on the bright side of things.  I have developed and implemented a new system at my work place that will change it forever and for the better.  I have followed my dreams of training for, and finally attempting to run 100 miles.  I have continued to eat ok enough not to gain ALL my weight back.  I have held it together in many ways but it still does not take away the fact that it has been really really hard.  And the hard stuff is not over yet either.  Sometimes I feel it is only getting harder.  But one thing I know for sure is that I have been running through it all.  It is the constant (other than God) that stands firmly in place.  Well, not always firmly but I have not let go of it.  I have cut back, gone hard, eased off, etc. etc.  But I have not turned my back on running.  I have pretty much stayed with at least two days a week of running.  My come back races were 32 and 41 miles. 

This tiny piece of consistancy, with which coach dean has helped tremendously, has helped me piece things together.  It has helped me have a foundation to build off of again.  I am back to exercising with cross-training.  I am excited once again about my running goals.  I am looking forward to doing more running in the very near future and Coach Dean will help me attain physically what I want to attain emotionally as a way for me to set a foundation for all that is to come.  I have to start somewhere.  Heck, I have already started long ago, but I have finally realized I cannot do this all at once.  I cannot go at this with an all or nothing approach like I normally can.  i just don’t have the mental nor emotional energy to do so.  So it will go step by step but I will keep on keeping on.  I will run, I will eat, I will workout, I will talk things out with people I trust, I will remember my blessings and……………………………………..things will become what I desire them to be.  I have learned a lot about being patient with myself and that has been hard.  But I am glad I have learned it.  VERY GLAD.

Do you remember???????????????

This is my journal which contains every step of my journey over the last 6 months. It's got pictures, song lyrics, in-depth reviews of my own emotions, and lots and lots of processing. The small book on top is my newest WW book without any stickers.

Today I am choosing to REMEMBER!  On my way to work I stopped to get my morning coffee (which I am going to hopefully stop soon) and the powerful urge to get a donut or a pepperoni hit me.  I have developed some bad habits in hermitville.  But today I remembered why I started this health journey.  I remembered how it makes me feel to eat donuts on the way to work in my car all by myself so nobody sees.  I remembered how proud I was of myself when I was eating better, not perfect, but better.  So today’s motto is REMEMBER WHY!

Here is why I first started and continue on my journey.

• I was starting to breathe hard just getting out of bed.
• I had a very hard time to get my shoes on.
• I felt like shit about myself because I was not living according to the way I really wanted to.
• Being overweight was like being in an emotional tumble drying, my mind constant knocked me around about it.
• I lived more secretively because I was afraid to be honest about my eating.
• I was more afraid of rejection and that caused a lot of the secretiveness which in turned only caused weight gain.
• I wanted to feel good about the way I was living.
• I wanted to run a marathon someday.
• I wanted to be fit and healthy so that normal activities would be WAY easier.

So those are the things I am rememering today.  What is it that brought you to the starting line of your own journey?  Are they all physical things like skinny jeans, small shirts, flat stomach, etc?  Or were some of them emotional and mental things that brought you to toe the line for the first time or possibly again?

There is no shame at trying again.  There is honor in it though.  EVERYBODY who succeeds has had to try again.  Mess ups happen, it might be a little easier to get back on track if you remember why you wanted to start this journey in the first place.

All set with my food

I finally went grocery shopping.  I have not been but once or twice in two or three months.  I have just been having a heck of a time in life but I finally went.  I got what I needed to stay on track until the race and plan to keep on track after the race.  I am looking forward with much anticipation for being more healthy and being more kind to myself in the future.  I will lose the weight I gained, regain some of the confidence that has been destroyed, and build myself back up.  The world has so much to offer and I will take it in.  All that life has to offer both good and bad.

I feel pretty ok today.  So proud of “starting over”.  I have developed a lot of bad habits again but they can be broken just like they were before.  It is an emergency and at the same time not an emergency.  No reason to panic.  No reason to give up.  Just a bump on the road that brings about the need to reconsider and adjust goals.  All is well.

getting close but feeling fat

Ok, I have been eating off of WW and kind of out of control for a while now.  My situation has proved to be more powerful than I thought as far as emotional eating goes.  I have really been doing bad in this area and I have realized that my feelings about myself really good down hill when I am not being good to myself by being healthy in general.  This sucks.  BUT…………..I am getting my goals reorganzied, writing them down, and starting to get more focus again.  It is sooooo hard.  It is one thing to be focused on healthy when you are doing well but when you are feeling bad about yourself it is not so easy you know.  But I shall start up again.  What else can I do.

The race is very close now.  I will leave in less than a week and toe the line in exactly 8 days.  I am nervous much because of my weight gain since my situation broke out and my life turned upside down.  However, I won’t give up.  Sure, my life is upside down and all around, but it is time to regain some momentum for health and being good to myself.  I will need to lose some significant weight.  And I will need to be patient with this.  I am hoping that participating in this 100 mile race will reignite my fire for life and health and weight management.

Weight Watchers Weigh-In. A life of persistence.

Wow!!  That is all I have to say sometimes.  The journey of life, let alone weight loss and maintenance, can be an eventful one for sure.   So I have not been to WW for two months now.  Basically, since my situation has been going on I have felt soooo bad about going to my WW meeting for some reason.  Just didn’t want to face my leader or my fellow souls on the journey.  But……..I finally did.  I went to my damn WW meeting despite my feelings, hurt, weight gain, fear, etc.  That is what I have to do right.  I discovered tonight that a journey, which could be more important than the result, take much persistence.  I will talk more about that in a sec.

So I went to my WW meeting even though I had fear but I was warmly welcomed by all.  My wonderful leader hugged me happily, talked with me and comforted me greatly regarding what I am going through.  I talked with people.  Shared my journey again from 12 minutes of exercise three times a week to becoming an ultra-marathoner.  I admit that the praise and love and kindness felt soooooooooooooooooo good.  It was so nice to be with like minded people who feel the way I do on so many different levels.  Although they don’t know my deep inside stuff, I knew that they had  theirs inside themselves, and that was quite possible the reason they and I were there.  To be with others who love and hate food.  With others who want something better out of life, something more enjoyable.  I was a wonderfully refreshing time for me and that alone will keep me going back.  I had forgotten how good those people were over my two months leave of absence.  So what was the result of my two month journey of depression, binge eating, emotional eating, and crying.  HAHAHAHA  Despite loads of pepperoni, donuts, candy, and other junk; I only gained about .5 lbs.  The great thing is that I am still lifetime member there at WW.  I am still within my range.  WOW!  Never would have guessed that that would happen.  I was relieved be there again.

Now to the lesson learned.  I can get real down on myself, life, work, and everything really.  AND I MEAN REALLY DOWN.  But, I never gave up.  If I binged on AM/PM hamburgers and candy at night, well gosh dang it I tried like a son-of-a-gun to do good the next morning.  Then at lunch.  Then at break time.  Etc. Etc Etc.  Even though I was soooo freaking tired emotionally I still kept at my running.  I still kept at my goals.  I never let them out of my sight even for a day.  I say day because I let them out of my sight for many moments. HAHAHA  But not all day.  I still got out of bed and went to work to be a productive human being.  I still took out the garbage, talked with my mom and sisters, I have been talking more with others being more social, and never gave up.  Even when I was hating my body and feeling like crap, I kept telling myself it is not over.  It is not even a big deal.  It is just part of all of this journey that I am on in life.  Just part of it.  I didn’t have to feel guilt about it, or worthless, I just needed to remember that it was all just part of life.  Life happens you know.  You can’t control it all.  So to my word of the night: PERSISTENCE.  That is right.  Just persisting the best I could at the things that I CAN do.  I could do perfect.  I was to damn tired and hurt and feeling low.  But kept at the things that I could do for that time in my life.  I didn’t just give up because I couldn’t be perfect at WW or whatever.  So my lesson is that even though life happens, we mess up, things go wrong, and it all seems impossible to get back on track; just keep doing what I CAN do.

Strong 6……8……..?………?

Since my last post I have had two good runs.  They were solid easy runs where I did not push the pace at all.  This week is very much about time on my feet.  This week as all about endurance really.  My entire weekend will be eaten up with running and work.  No time for fun this weekend.  Just run, eat, sleep………………..

So on Thursday I did 6 miles slow.  That run went pretty well and I felt good about completing a run.  Then on Friday I did an 8 miler.  This run also went very well but noticed some stiffness in my knee.  It was not really alarming but I will keep and eye on it.  It was kind of a bummer because it was like 38 degrees and pouring down rain for the whole run.  No optimal weather for running but certainly far easier for me than running in Hawaii.  So what is coming up today and tomorrow.  Today I am at work so will have to freaking do my long run aftwards which I have found to be very taxing to my ming and body.  I will be running 20 miles today after work.  Then, I will be getting home pretty late from that run to basically just go to sleep.  Early the next morning I will procedd to embark on another 40 mile long run.  This is really the main goal run for the week.  It is the most important single run to do but the entire 60 miles in the 30 hour period is the training effect I think I am going for.

I am going to change things up on this run.  I am going to try and eat more during the run.  I normally eat around 300 calories per hour while running and I am burning around 800 per hour.  This 40 miler I am going to try and eat some other types of food and more of my liquid drink.  I hope to crank it up so that I can see if I can handle eating more than 300 calories per hour.  This will help a lot during the 100 miler.

As far as my feelings are going, I think that my situation has changed.  I feel a bit more secure with my decisions to live healthy within my emotional and mental world.  I have decided not to let my situation hurt me anymore.  I have made my decision as to what I am going to do in it and it will most certainly be for the better without any doubt in my mind.  So I am happy for this new direction.  Very relieved.

On the weight watchers front, my sister has kindly invited me to get back on track and take me shopping for my weeks of groceries.  I have not felt up to this for at least a month and probably longer.  I haven’t even been to WW for at least one month.  Maybe like 5 weeks.  I just could not muster up the strength to go because this shit that is going on just takes to much out of me.  So on Sunday I will go shopping with my wonderful sister and she is going to make some chicken and tilapia while I am running that I will eat throughout the week.  I hope that this little kick start will help me get on track.

Two constant temptations coupled with two victories

I have fallen many times to the kind and gentle calling of the pepperoni. Even at 4:30 in the morning.

As you all know I love donuts and kept away from them for about 2 years. Now they have weasled their way back into my life. Here they are at my favorite morning coffe stop.

These pics show you my morning view of the two most tempting items in the entire Circle K store.  I have a deep deep love-hate relationship with these two things.  They are so tasty but really not that tasty.  They are filling but don’t satisfy.  Etc. Etc. Etc.  I think I just buy ’em, eat ’em, regret ’em in a mindless way.  Which is often the way I and others eat junk food.  We all know they don’t make us feel good emotionally or physically but we still think they will make us happy before we scarf them down.

Anyway, I figured I would take pics of them instead of eating them today so I got my “one step”, “one choice” victory today.  So far so good.  I will keep on keeping on with this.  Happy I did not do it.  Funny thing is, these are the two things I thought of first thing when I woke up today.  “MMMMMMMMMMMMM.  What can I get at circle K???”  It is sick I know but it is authentic.  You always get authentic with me.

Two temptations for the day conquered.

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More record setting: Running and eating

World Record holder for the mile: 3:43.13

To the left is the current world record holder for the one mile distance.  Pretty amazing to go a mile in 3:43.  That is running about 16 miles per hour.  That is very fast. (This link will show you the progression of men’s and woman’s mile world records.)

Today I set my own record for the mile.  I ran a mile in 5:36.83 besting my previous record of 5:41 from only months ago.  Prior to that my PR was 6 something.  My legs turned to rubber after I finished and I still had the rest of my workout to do.  I ran 1.25 miles to the track, did my mile time trial, and then finished it off with 8X400 meters at my 5K pace (6:08).  It was a hard workout and my mental toughness was not where it normally is.  I really had to fight to keep on keeping today.  I have been going through a lot lately so mentally I am pretty damn tired.  I still did it though and I am proud of not giving up even when my lungs felt like they were on fire.  HAHAHAHAHA

Unfortunately, I had three pepperoni’s afterward.  I have been having the worst of times with my eating.  I want to do good so bad but I keep on eating junk.  I tried to draw a line in the sand like Steve said but I just haven’t been able to stay on the right side of the line.  Life is not over, the journey isn’t ending, but I have a lot of guilt and negative feelings about how I have been eating the the weight that I have gained.  I don’t like this as it is exactly the stinking thinking that I don’t want to be doing.  I don’t like.

On another note, I have been going through an intensive audit for three weeks now.  This audit is the intense scrutiny of every tiny little aspect of my job and my responsibilities there.  For 8 hours a day I am questioned, I am quizzed, I am doubted.  During the audit, I must provide scientific justification for every decision I make regarding my job.  My job is important, my job is essential, but so much of what these audit put you through is based on everything except common sense.  It is all based on the auditor covering their ass and I am trying to do the same thing while they audit me.  I argue with the auditor regarding my decisions.  Anyway, no matter what those suckers throw at me, I have the answer for them.  I have what they want.  In fact, even though the stress level is high, I am conquering.  I think today was the last day and I came out on top.  I won the battle.  Luckily, I had a nice auditor.  🙂

It is time to go to bed.  I get depressed if I don’t get at least 6 hours of sleep.  So thanks for listening.  Thanks for commenting.  Thanks for caring.  You guys are great.  Each comment I read is an uplifting event that helps me maintain.

Emotions got the best of me

Yesterday I let my emotions get the best of me as far as eating goes.  I did not really eat a bunch of junk food like pepperoni or candy but I did eat a lot of stuff high in points.  My wife even mentioned it and that kind of made me want to eat more actually.  Mainly I ate croissants.  Four of them actually.  With ham and cheese. 

That was yesterday though and today is a different day.  Can’t do much about yesterday can I.  Can’t change a darn thing.  However, today will become yesterday pretty soon so I better make the changes now so that I won’t have to want to make changes to my yesterday again.    Sounds funny and circular, but it is true. 

My legs are a bit sore today but not to bad at all.  I will do an easy run on Wednesday to start out this weeks exercise.  Not particularly looking forward to it at the  moment.  Feels good to rest for a bit.  I bet though, that by tomorrow I will be ready to role again.

Food, run, and fun. Yesterday

I had a pretty full day yesterday.  My work was very busy and I went golfing aftward.  I got home around 8:30 which is getting very late for me as this should be my bedtime.  Over all though it was a good day.  My mental and emotional side was pretty good, WW went good, and I did great golfing too.

FOOD

My food was right on yesterday.  I did good and that felt good.  I was relieved to be able to have a great day of healthy eating.  Although I know how to do it I was afraid that I wouldn’t do it.  My resolve and appreciation for the health/weight loss journey was pretty strong.  Another big victory is that I did not eat junk even though I went golfing.  I tend to eat junk when I go golfing because afterward I am alone and in my car (my secret eating place) while at the same time soooooo hungry because of not eating for many hours.  This time, on the way to the golf course I bought two bananas that were not totally ripe which for some reason makes me feel more full than the totally ripe ones.  I ate one at the start of my round and I ate another right when I got done.  This held me over until I got home for dinner where I had an 8 point meal.

RUN

Yesterday my running schedule called for an easy 6 miler.  I knew work was going to be busy so I split the run up into two 3 mile runs.  I did three miles at lunch and three miles just at the end of the day before work was over.  I have a one hour period where the main production is finished but I am just waiting for people to finish up.  This is when I did my second run.  I did this easy run at about 8:30-40 minute miles.  My left hamstring was tender still from the speedwork on Wednesday but it faired well for the 6 miles.  The two runs were actually very nice.  During the run the highschool cross-country team in my workplace town was also running my same route so I got to run in their midst.  That was kind of neat I thouth.

FUN

My fun for the day was golf.  Of course fun is a very subjective determination.  I could have told you that I hated it at least two times during my 18 hole round.  Overall I did pretty good with a score of 86.  I was pleased with this score and with most of my shots.  It is such a difficult game to be good at.

Also on the menu for fun is a mini-vacation this weekend for me and my wife.  I will have Saturday, Sunday, and Monday off which will feel like a one month vacation.  I am sure some of you can relate.  During the three days I have planned several things for Audrey and I to do together.  Saturday we will both get massages in the morning and then head off to the town we are staying in for shopping and exploring.  That evening Audrey will take a golf clinic as a complete first time golfer.  I am excited about this and hope she likes it.  If she doesn’t that is ok too though.  After the clinic we might hit some balls together and then have some kind of special dinner.  On Sunday I have 18 holes of golf first thing in the morning to give my wife some relaxing alone time for reading or whatever.  Then I scheduled a pedicure and manicure for her back-to-back so she will be getting done about when I get done.  She will be able to spend time at the spa in the hot-tub, steam room, etc. if she wants to.  Then at that evening I have golf planned as the last group of the day so we will not have any pressure from groups behind us.  This should make it more enjoyable for my beautiful wife and hopefully introduce the game in a more pleasant way.  Monday is totally open for sleeping in, talking, and relaxing.

It can happen! Take a step back and reassess.

It can happen to anyone!  Falling into old habits even after losing and keeping 130 lbs off.  In fact, it is pretty easy to fall back into the old ways.  Why is this??  Well, the old ways are the old ways for a reason and they are old because I did them for so long.  Truth be told, the old ways work for what they are used for.  Oh yeah, you heard me.  THere is no denying that eating junk food makes me feel better at the moment I want to feel better.  There is no denying that it tastes wonderful like a party in my mouth.  I just want to shed the false belief that using food for comfort and security does not work.  It does work and if it did not work we would never use food to comfort ourselves.  However, there is a downside as there always is for self-medicating with potentially harmful stuff whether it be food, drugs, alcohol, sex, etc.  It brings guilt and shame and weight gain and bodily harm.

So at the practical and reality based advice of another great blogger on the journey, I took a step back to reassess my situation and take a reality check.  I took a step back to way the costs and rewards of my actions.  As  you know I have been on the wayward side of WW for a bit.  I am still right here at my WW goal weight but things have been getting increasingly unhealthy for me both mentally and physically.  Steve’s words yesterday hit me just how I needed it and brought about a major lifting of the veil over my eyes.  Now that he helped me see much more clearly, I am taking my reality check here on the blog.

What is my unhealthy eating doing for me?

Well, like I said, it is making me feel better about whatever I am feeling bad about for the moment.  This is true.  It is also making me feel worse in the long run and causing a great crop of negative thinking to sprout up.  Waying this cost is hard for me because I like the immediate benifit of feeling better and don’t particularly like the delayed gratification that denying myself the junk brings.  BUT, after long thought focused on Steve’s comment, the delayed gratification FAR OUT WEIGHS any other possible benifit that junk food can give.  So for today I feel strong and healthy and resolved with new passion for my health goals.

How is my fear of failure molding my situation?

I am scared to gain it all back.  Unfortunately, the way my little mind works is that when I fear failure I tend not to try as to make sure I don’t fail.  Now taking a step back on this one shows that this is crazy because it is self-fulfilling.  I am scared to fail so I fail on purpose and do the exact thing I am afraid of. HAHAHAHA  No more of this.  The reality in this is that I can’t fail if I just continue to do what I know how to do as far as healthy living goes.  It is a no-brainer really.  I know what to do and that is to keep my eyes on the prize, don’t let go of it, and then make nice little decisions throughout everyday to ensure a victory.  This is not easy at all because the fear is still there but the fear is not as powerful as the full life that can be lived in health.  Self-sabotage many call it.

My addictive side?????

My addictive side grabs hold of that which makes me feel better.  This side of me will barely let go of the medicine.  So when I eat two candy bars with wonderful peanut butter and sugar inside, I feel better for the moment, then my addictive side says, “Oh hell yeah that felt good.  What is wrong with wonderfulness.  Lets keep doing this.”  Contrary to much popular advice that I recieve here and away, small dabbles in such wonderfulness are not a livable scenario for me.  I am often told it is MORE of a lifestyle when I allow this stuff into my life as it is less rigid but I just can’t live that way.  I know myself and taking this reality check helps me to realize that abstinence is the best way to go for several foods in this world.

Negative thinking?

I can get seriously deep into some negative thinking about myself and my journey.  So negative in fact that I can completely forget a good thing that I just accomplished.  This is crazy but it is a reality so why should I deny myself the knowledge of the truth or the opportunity to talk about it.  I can pick out one negative thing out of a sea of positive.  It can be a beautiful day out but I will see a cloud the size of a man’s hand 100 miles away.  HAHAHAHA  I am going to work on this.  WW is not really that hard and it is certainly not impossible.  What is hard is staying on track while I am off track.  The contrary actions.  The lying to myself that I am doing it when I am not doing it.  What the hell!  If I am not doing it I am just going to say to myself I am not doing it and then get back on track.