A new dawn ahead: Weight Watchers, Running, and a Fresh start

A new year is ahead of us.  This year has been a very wild ride for me personally.  I have not been posting here at all for sometime for various reasons but have not stopped writing because writing is something that helps me learn about myself, my ways, and my weight loss journey.  I hope that I have not lost all my friends here.  I am going to start posting regularly again and I am pretty darn excited about it.  Please feel free to join in on my adventures for 2011. 

For starters, I have gained about 50 lbs.  Yeah that is a lot but what can I do about it now except move forward into a new and exciting dawn. 

This was during my run tonight.

Here I am just days ago during my family christmas

Running

Part of the weight gain came about because of a serious burn out on running that was largely due to personal life stuff that I described on the blog earlier this year.  I tried hard to hold on to all the running I was doing but I just couldn’t, not with the mental stress and life changes.  Plus, I was working really hard on balance. I think I went to far with it though………….LOL!  So I never stopped running but I cut way back and am currently on my way back to running more and getting fit.  Come along with me as I progress again in my fitness, endurance, and running.  I feel like I am practically starting all over with running but I am far from that I think.  Still, way out of shape in my opinion and the extra wait is not fun to run around with.

Weight Watchers

I am, as you may have guessed, doing weight watchers for the “healthy eating” portion of my journey.  I get lots of points on this new POINTS PLUS plan.  Seems pretty well.  At the current time I am not going to meetings but doing it online.  I am having good success with it so far and plan to continue that for sure.  With the exception of xmas day I am eating pretty good and counting EVERYTHING. I know what to do, I am not making excuses, and I will succeed. Soon enough I will look like this again. LOL

Stay tuned to the blog to follow my journey-a-fresh.  I am excited and I hope that my posts can help you on your own journey with real life inspiration.  IT’S GOOD TO BE BACK.  I AM COMING BACK TO MOVE FORWARD!!!

Running through it

Over the last several months I have not done a whole lot of being consistant.  I have had a very hard time getting my life back together enough so that I can once again stick to a “normal” schedule of daily operations.  At least this is what I have thought……………………….but I have had a stroke of insight today.  I have not been doing ALL BAD!  So I will look on the bright side of things.  I have developed and implemented a new system at my work place that will change it forever and for the better.  I have followed my dreams of training for, and finally attempting to run 100 miles.  I have continued to eat ok enough not to gain ALL my weight back.  I have held it together in many ways but it still does not take away the fact that it has been really really hard.  And the hard stuff is not over yet either.  Sometimes I feel it is only getting harder.  But one thing I know for sure is that I have been running through it all.  It is the constant (other than God) that stands firmly in place.  Well, not always firmly but I have not let go of it.  I have cut back, gone hard, eased off, etc. etc.  But I have not turned my back on running.  I have pretty much stayed with at least two days a week of running.  My come back races were 32 and 41 miles. 

This tiny piece of consistancy, with which coach dean has helped tremendously, has helped me piece things together.  It has helped me have a foundation to build off of again.  I am back to exercising with cross-training.  I am excited once again about my running goals.  I am looking forward to doing more running in the very near future and Coach Dean will help me attain physically what I want to attain emotionally as a way for me to set a foundation for all that is to come.  I have to start somewhere.  Heck, I have already started long ago, but I have finally realized I cannot do this all at once.  I cannot go at this with an all or nothing approach like I normally can.  i just don’t have the mental nor emotional energy to do so.  So it will go step by step but I will keep on keeping on.  I will run, I will eat, I will workout, I will talk things out with people I trust, I will remember my blessings and……………………………………..things will become what I desire them to be.  I have learned a lot about being patient with myself and that has been hard.  But I am glad I have learned it.  VERY GLAD.

Two constant temptations coupled with two victories

I have fallen many times to the kind and gentle calling of the pepperoni. Even at 4:30 in the morning.

As you all know I love donuts and kept away from them for about 2 years. Now they have weasled their way back into my life. Here they are at my favorite morning coffe stop.

These pics show you my morning view of the two most tempting items in the entire Circle K store.  I have a deep deep love-hate relationship with these two things.  They are so tasty but really not that tasty.  They are filling but don’t satisfy.  Etc. Etc. Etc.  I think I just buy ’em, eat ’em, regret ’em in a mindless way.  Which is often the way I and others eat junk food.  We all know they don’t make us feel good emotionally or physically but we still think they will make us happy before we scarf them down.

Anyway, I figured I would take pics of them instead of eating them today so I got my “one step”, “one choice” victory today.  So far so good.  I will keep on keeping on with this.  Happy I did not do it.  Funny thing is, these are the two things I thought of first thing when I woke up today.  “MMMMMMMMMMMMM.  What can I get at circle K???”  It is sick I know but it is authentic.  You always get authentic with me.

Two temptations for the day conquered.

Click here if you want to subscribe to follow my progress.  AGAIN! 🙂

It can happen! Take a step back and reassess.

It can happen to anyone!  Falling into old habits even after losing and keeping 130 lbs off.  In fact, it is pretty easy to fall back into the old ways.  Why is this??  Well, the old ways are the old ways for a reason and they are old because I did them for so long.  Truth be told, the old ways work for what they are used for.  Oh yeah, you heard me.  THere is no denying that eating junk food makes me feel better at the moment I want to feel better.  There is no denying that it tastes wonderful like a party in my mouth.  I just want to shed the false belief that using food for comfort and security does not work.  It does work and if it did not work we would never use food to comfort ourselves.  However, there is a downside as there always is for self-medicating with potentially harmful stuff whether it be food, drugs, alcohol, sex, etc.  It brings guilt and shame and weight gain and bodily harm.

So at the practical and reality based advice of another great blogger on the journey, I took a step back to reassess my situation and take a reality check.  I took a step back to way the costs and rewards of my actions.  As  you know I have been on the wayward side of WW for a bit.  I am still right here at my WW goal weight but things have been getting increasingly unhealthy for me both mentally and physically.  Steve’s words yesterday hit me just how I needed it and brought about a major lifting of the veil over my eyes.  Now that he helped me see much more clearly, I am taking my reality check here on the blog.

What is my unhealthy eating doing for me?

Well, like I said, it is making me feel better about whatever I am feeling bad about for the moment.  This is true.  It is also making me feel worse in the long run and causing a great crop of negative thinking to sprout up.  Waying this cost is hard for me because I like the immediate benifit of feeling better and don’t particularly like the delayed gratification that denying myself the junk brings.  BUT, after long thought focused on Steve’s comment, the delayed gratification FAR OUT WEIGHS any other possible benifit that junk food can give.  So for today I feel strong and healthy and resolved with new passion for my health goals.

How is my fear of failure molding my situation?

I am scared to gain it all back.  Unfortunately, the way my little mind works is that when I fear failure I tend not to try as to make sure I don’t fail.  Now taking a step back on this one shows that this is crazy because it is self-fulfilling.  I am scared to fail so I fail on purpose and do the exact thing I am afraid of. HAHAHAHA  No more of this.  The reality in this is that I can’t fail if I just continue to do what I know how to do as far as healthy living goes.  It is a no-brainer really.  I know what to do and that is to keep my eyes on the prize, don’t let go of it, and then make nice little decisions throughout everyday to ensure a victory.  This is not easy at all because the fear is still there but the fear is not as powerful as the full life that can be lived in health.  Self-sabotage many call it.

My addictive side?????

My addictive side grabs hold of that which makes me feel better.  This side of me will barely let go of the medicine.  So when I eat two candy bars with wonderful peanut butter and sugar inside, I feel better for the moment, then my addictive side says, “Oh hell yeah that felt good.  What is wrong with wonderfulness.  Lets keep doing this.”  Contrary to much popular advice that I recieve here and away, small dabbles in such wonderfulness are not a livable scenario for me.  I am often told it is MORE of a lifestyle when I allow this stuff into my life as it is less rigid but I just can’t live that way.  I know myself and taking this reality check helps me to realize that abstinence is the best way to go for several foods in this world.

Negative thinking?

I can get seriously deep into some negative thinking about myself and my journey.  So negative in fact that I can completely forget a good thing that I just accomplished.  This is crazy but it is a reality so why should I deny myself the knowledge of the truth or the opportunity to talk about it.  I can pick out one negative thing out of a sea of positive.  It can be a beautiful day out but I will see a cloud the size of a man’s hand 100 miles away.  HAHAHAHA  I am going to work on this.  WW is not really that hard and it is certainly not impossible.  What is hard is staying on track while I am off track.  The contrary actions.  The lying to myself that I am doing it when I am not doing it.  What the hell!  If I am not doing it I am just going to say to myself I am not doing it and then get back on track.

New Secret came in today. 73 secrets are now disclosed on the secret page

It has been a little while since the secret page has been used, but today we have the blessing of sharing the journey with a secret person.  They have confessed their emotions to get liberated.  Come and read the new secret HERE.

Running alone doesn’t keep the weight off!!

I know this might sound impossible but it is sooooo accurate.  Running/exercise will not keep you from gaining weight.  It can help you out a lot in the good fight for healthy but standing by itself it will not do it.  EATING! is the determining factor.  I mean you can gain, lose, or stay the same without exercise.  You might not be as healthy overall but your weight can be stablized or moved in the direction you desire.  Of course the best combination is using both exercise and proper eating to lose or maintain weight.  This is a hard lesson for me as a runner.  I dreamed of the possibility that running could offer me a carefree life regarding food and treats.  How far from reality my thinking was.

It is very easy to eat more than you burn while exercising.  Even after running 50 miles you can eat more calories than you burned even before you go to bed that night.  Here are some examples from real life calorie expenditures that I have experienced and what I could (and have) eat to still be able to gain.

• 6 miles @ 7:28 pace= 857 calories.  My normal is to eat 3 maple bars.  This adds up to 1,380 calories.  I actually do this too!!!
• Marathon @ 10:19 pace= 3,617 calories.  After this last marathon I ate: 32 oz of Mt. Dew @ 440 calories.  I then ate two sausages with buns: 1,100 calories.  I also had a two scoop ice cream cone at B&B: 565 calories.  So that is 2105 calories within about 2 hours of the marathon.  This does not include the 1,400 calories I ate during the marathon nor does it include my dinner and snacks later in the day.  So adding what I wrote up I have already consumed as many calories as I have burned just 2 hours after the race.

This are real life examples and it is here to prove to myself that eating is far more important in weight issues than is exercise for me.  I can do the exercise but I need to focus on proper eating again.  It is a myth that endurance  and vigorous exercise makes you hungry.  Good exercise actually supresses hunger.  It does not however supress the thoughts of entitlement to food though.  Hopefully you enjoyed a small journey into the depths of my life. HAHAHAHAHAHA

My weight watchers weigh-in results. Who would have known!

Here I am around the 20 mile mark of the Strolling Jim 40 Miler

I had my weigh-in last night.  I was figuring that I would gain 5 pounds and I was actually ok with that.  I skipped last week because I have always gained after a big race but I normally don’t keep the post race eating spree going for another week.  This time I kept it going my friends.  I kept my bad eating going from Sunday May 3rd to Tuesday May12th.  I am not proud of this but I wanted to tell you all the bare bones truth.  For this reason, I was expecting a gain but I was just going to take it for what it was.

How did I do you may be asking yourself.  WELL, I WEIGHED IN AT 183.4 LBS.  That means I stayed exactly the same weight.  I did not lose an ounce nor gain an ounce.  What an amazing thing this is.  I am so happy about it but I am not allowing this to proof that I can eat whatever and not gain weight.  My body is stabilizing at it’s happy weight but I know that I can make that weight go up in no time if I don’t care about what I eat.  So the eating spree is over for now.  I am back on WW track today and feel really good about that.

MY EATING SPREE’S.  NOW AND IN THE PAST.

One thing that I think might be the reason for why I did not gain is my perception of what an eating spree is.  Sure, these last two weeks have pretty much been off program but not in the same way as “off program” before WW.  Before WW, “off program” would have been a 3 foot log of summer sausage and half a pound of cheese each week.  It would have been a whole large pizza twice a week.  It would have been fried food after work but before dinner everyday.  It would have been a huge lunch out.  Now my “off program” is to eat pretty much on WW all day long and ate night I go off of program.  “Off program” now means that I might eat a small bag of chips on the way home from work before I work in the yard but I skip dinner because I am working.  It means that I go out to eat but don’t count my points but actually end up eating the salmon with veggies and might even have some of the bread.  It means that I snack on some crackers and eat several bites of my wife’s cake.  It means that I eat the more calorie packed subway sandwich instead of the loads of fried food.  I guess what I am trying to say but not justify, is that now when I go off program I am still eating a million times better as compared to when I was NEVER on program.

Does that make any sense.

I am starting to see a pattern here!

RUNNING = EATING. 

That is the pattern.  Since my 35 miler, I have not been doing well on weight watchers.  That would be two weeks of not doing good on weight watchers.  This is a dang pattern.  The more I run the worse I eat.  I truly don’t believe that my body “NEEDS” a lot of extra food and especially bad food, but I think it is me telling myself, “Oh I can have this because I bet the running will make up for it”.  I hate this pattern.  I am scared of this pattern.  It is true, the last two weeks have been very big running weeks for me but that does not mean it is time to just eat whatever.  I still think that I might be ok at my Tuesday night weigh-in but I am not sure nor am I confident about it.

Nights and weekends

I have really had to make a conscious effort to count my points at night and on weekends lately.  Sometimes I do ok and other times I don’t count at all and just end up “estimating”.  I don’t like this at all.  I don’t like feeling a little out of control with the food.

Groceries and Organization

One of the biggest reasons for the struggle lately is that fact that I have not taken care of myself in the area of preparation with groceries.  As you know I have been busy working in the yard and running so I have not been to the grocery store for a long time now.  I went yesterday and stocked up on lots of good healthy foods.  I also came home right away and prepared a good portion of my daily lunches for the week.  This should help me get back on track with my points and monitoring.

Do you make the excuse to eat more or badly because you had a big exercise day?

Do you have a hard time with counting points/calories at night and on weekends?

Does grocery shopping and planning help you succeed?

Bit of a struggle on WW.

I have been having a hard time with my eating since Saturday.  I know it is because in my mind I have given myself permission in a way because of the 35 mile long run that I did.  However, this is no excuse for not counting or eating healthy.  I count really good all day until I get home.  When I get home I jump right into working and don’t eat anything.  Then, around 8 o’clock I eat.  I have been eating my kind of regular dinner stuff but also snacking on junky stuff too.  I have my weigh-in tonight and am not thinking that it is going to go very well. 

I am also going to where jeans at my weigh-in for the first time since I started Weight Watchers.  This freaks me out but I figure it is about time I stop worrying about what clothes I wear to my meeting.  Anyways, chocolate coverd peanuts have been the evil predetor to my healthy efforts these last couple of days.

Weigh-in results and Biggest loser talk. Biggest loser top pics.

Bwaaaaa hahahahaha!!  OOOHh oh hohoh heheheheh!  I can’t believe it.  I stayed exactly the same.  184.4 pounds on the WW scale.  What a freakin relief.  Although I was ready for any type of result, I was so happy to see that no gain had occurred over this last two weeks of weight watchers mania.  Since last Tuesday, I have been very very naughty.  I did great for 4 days and did horribly for 3 days.  That usually does not add up to a good weigh-in. 

Last Tuesday my fat mind went on auto-pilot and I ate 4 donuts, 3 peperoni’s, and a bag of chips before dinner.  I skipped my meeting on that day.  Bad idea I guess.  So I got back on track but had to go to Sunriver, Oregon for my mom’s B-day over the weekend.  My stupid WW points calculator broke down and went kuput!!  I just gave up on counting points for the rest of the weekend.  I went skiing.  At the lodge I ate the “NACHOS GRANDE” and it probably weighed like 3 pounds.  It was huuuuuge.  I almost finished it all.  I got home from skiing and ran my booty off with a full stomach for 7.5 miles or so.  Then I ate dinner and topped it off with large amounts of chips, cookies and strawberry shortcake.  Now you can see why I feel that this is a miracle of God to stay the same.  I did good on Monday and Tuesday without my points calculator.  I just did core for those two days.  Not proud of my giving up.  I guess my running save me by the skin of my chinny chin chin.  At my meetings I bought a new points calculator and a points clicker.  I am back running smooth on program now.  Feels good to be home because on program now feels like home to me. 

BIGGEST LOSER TALK TIME

Last night’s show was somewhat unemotional for me.  Just was not moved by it like I normally am.  I think it is Tara.  Although she is a fighter and a woman of strength, I just can’t stand her attitude sometimes.  She is so competitive that she tends to talk bad about other contestants and she has no respect for her teammate.  This disappoints me and I was upset that she won the challenge.  I just didn’t want the mean person to win and she is the mean person on the show right now in my opinion.  Everyone on the show is really starting to show results now.  It is funny how at some point in the show they just tend to have a vastly different physical appearance.  It all happens at once it seems like.

As far as who got voted off, I think I would have voted Philpe off.  I love that dude too but he is more of a threat but it appears that he has some “issues” at home that we don’t know about considering what his cousin said while he was begging to keep him on the ranch.  Aubrey has her work cut out for her to be sure but she will make it to her goal regardless.

Who do I want to win the show?

I have two favorites on the show.  I would love either of them to win.  They are Kristen (the girl who has now lost 105 lbs) and Mike.  These two display the utmost courage and compassion.  They seem to have their hearts in the right place and that is why I want them to win.

Who do you guys want to see win?

Can I climb out of the pit of bad feelings and food?

image credit: http://www.homeschoolblogger.com

So I am feeling like poooo today.  I was thinking that I usually don’t post about feeling like this but maybe I am always doing it but don’t realize it.  I did not really even do WW over the weekend.  I made the excuse that since my WW calculator broke and is not repairable that I just didn’t have to count.  Well, I could have done great without counting anyway but I chose to eat junk food quite a bit.  That had nothing to do with counting.  I did get my two longer runs in this weekend and feel that my marathon recovery is now over.  I am ready for a new week in training.  I am also ready for a new week in eating too.  I will buy a new calculator at my Tuesday WW meeting.

I am just feeling depressed.  Although my weekend was supposed to be fun and relaxing, it stressed me out a lot.  I do not do well at all when I am feeling torn in many directions while at the present I am limited on time to get it all done.  I tend to just give up.  There are several things I WON’T GIVE UP THOUGH!!  That is time with my wife, eating right, exercising, and keeping my house nice.  All other things must be side issues except this weekend those things were creeping into the forefront of my mind, time, life…..  I wonder if I will be able to crawl back out of the big sink hole of being torn.  This same thing happened when I was training for the 100 miler.  The great thing is that my wife backs me up all the way this time since our goals are much more aligned with each other.

Do you every feel torn between things that are not really that important and the things that you feel are most important?  Maybe the non-important things are being pressured on you by others, do you ever feel this way?

Weight loss blunder again!! Went hog wild.

Last night as you know I skipped my WW meeting to get some work done at home with my landscape plan.  I planted 8 trees actually which is pretty good since they are huge and my ground is spongy clay. HAHA  Anyway, without even thinking about it, I went hog wild on the way home from work.  

As I left the building, I walked right up to the red van that sells homemade donuts out of the back.  I bought 4 regular but very sugar coats donuts.  2 bucks.  As I was driving to my next stop about 8 miles away I chowed those down without hesitation.  Next, I stopped at circle K to buy some more food.  I got 3 sticks of pepperoni and a bag of chips.  Well, that should last me a while right?  bwa ha ha ha ha!!!

On my way home from there, about 5 miles, I ate all of the new snacks.  I finished off the last bite of chips and pep. just as I opened my truck door to get out at home.  Then I walk inside, took a big drink of water, and finished off half of a tube thing of Ritz Crackers.  How about that!!  Freakin crazy.  And I am serious that I did it without hesitating.  It was like it was automatic for me.  The old self took over and my car went on auto-pilot.  What to do now?

I am holding up ok for now though.  I am not letting the guilt kill me although I do feel ashamed about it.  That is why I am telling you all right now.  Might happen tomorrow if I don’t but since I did it won’t for sure.  My WW week starts over tomorrow also.  That is one thing I was thinking about while I was eating.  I will admit that much.

So my life goes on.  Hopefully I burnt off some of the 1000″s of calories I ate while planting trees.  We’ll see how weigh in goes next week I guess.

UPDATE:

I also ate three south beach bars and two pieces of toast with massive amounts of honey and butter.  This topped my night off around 9 pm.  Dang it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Another odd thing that is happening with this little episode is that I have no desire to keep on eating bad.  It is weird.  Normally I would still be tempted to keep eating like this but I am not this time.  It is like I took a short break.  I resting period.  And now I am up and walking again heading towards my goal not looking back.  HAHAHA  Now that is something kind of new for me.

Secret #70 just in. Girl scout cookies are a pain in the a…!! Time for some liberation

We all know the delicious taste of our favorite Girl Scout cookie.  Some of us can keep them around without issue yet some of us cannot.  Today’s secret confessions is a vent about eating the infamous cookies.  Check it out.

Also, don’t forget to share your own confession.  Not only will it help you to let out the pressure of holding the secret, but it will help other know that they are not alone on this journey that at times seems impossible.

Here is the 70th secret on the run4change Secret Confessions Page

A fast food secret was added to the run4change secret page today

We all get down in the dumps.  We who love our food tend to go to it for comfort.  I know I have a millions time over and I know many of you have to.  The secret page was updated today with a confession of using food for comfort, for medication of negative thoughts and feelings.  Come on in and be encouraged to know that you are not the only one.

And don’t forget to share your own weight loss journey secret confession too.  Go HERE to read the updated Secret Confessions Page

Make sure you don’t miss out on any new confessions that come in by subscribing HERE

My reply to a “fear” comment. Weight loss fears and my thinking!

Today I got a fantastic comment on the first post in the “fear” series.  It brought to my mind my own fears and the reality of the way I think sometimes.  I wanted to share with you my reply to the comment.  Here it is.

Rob- This is a fantastic contribution man. It is so true. I am going to add to it if that is OK

Point #1-People have acted and are different to me now. No doubt about it. And like you said about your fear, I do have an attitude with them except I am very passive like and I don’t show them the attitude. I just keep it inside hidden in a place that when that person comes around I bring that thing out of hiding and tell myself,“Oh I remember you. You can’t be trusted. You are either fake or have an ethic about fat people that I don’t like or trust. Sure I’ll be nice to you right now but you’re not getting inside. I’ll keep you on the peripheral.  You are not trusted enough for me to let you inside (my heart, mind, etc)”

Point #2-I am freaked out about this because I have done what you are saying. I am not doing it in a mean or negative way at all and I usually don’t speak it I just think it. I will see an over weight person who is not trying to lose weight at all and think to myself, “Oh man. look!! They just have no idea what is possible for them. They are so defeated about the weight. I know how that is because I have been there,  but they could get out if they wanted to. I wish they could believe..”

Then there are the times where I see someone who asks me how I did it and what they should do so that they can do it.  I tell them about WW and they join lets say.  They start the journey but all they want to do is make excuses as to why they don’t count their points or exercise.  They tell me why they should have to count or exercise also.  Again, I never say it out load but here is what I think, “Don’t you know that it won’t work if you keep acting that way. Quit lying to yourself and just do what you really want and know you should do.  It just won’t work if you are not committed to this. This is hard work and it takes attention to your efforts to succeed. Nobody loses weight by accident and I don’t know why you think you are any different. You just need to face the truth that you have to do this or that you are not ready/willing to do this.”

Now this is different from how I think when I see people trying hard and are battling with the emotional demons regarding food. The journey is not easy at all, but it is possible. These people tend to mess up but also seem to own up to the fact that it was them that did it and they move on for as long as they can until the next mess up. This is how everyone does it anyway right? We go as long as we can being good, mess up, get back on track, and over and over we go and the mess ups get further apart and our good times are better then the good times before.

I hope I made sense Rob. I am going to make this a post too.

Moving on from the bad weigh-in

I have moved on and I am settled in to my healthy routines again.  Last night I ate my daily points plus 5 of my weekly extra’s.  I realize that this is a lot of food actually especially if I eat healthy stuff.  I also got a chance to make my wife dinner before she got home from work.  Now I am no chef but I can put something together pretty good.  I like to get home in time to be able to do that for her.  So I stayed on weight watchers really well yesterday.  I entered all my points and activity into my online WW tracker.

I also did a 7 mile run at my race pace.  The run went well and it did not seem to be extrememly hard or anything.  I made it through but my hamstrings got a tiny bit tired by 6 miles.  I am so  proud that I am able to run faster than I had ever thought I would be able to.  I have never cared about my pace so it is a nice change of routine for me.

THE CHEW!!.  This is such a tremendous battle for me and I can’t believe I went back again to that junk.  I went to the doctors a couple of years ago with some problem spots on my gums and she told me that if I did not stop that I have a 100% chance of getting cancer.  Even still, I have kept going back to this bad habit.  So I might be posting a little more about this special journey of mine. 

Here are my stats for alcohol and tobacco.

I have not drank alcohol for :

• 1486 days, 11 hours, 54 minutes and 128433265 heart beats

I have not used chewing tobacco for:

• 3 days. 11 hours, 55 minutes, and 302173 heart beats.

I had a baaaaad weight loss, exercise, and health weekend!

image credit: files.blog-city.com

I did not have a good weekend.  Make sure to take note of the progression from not so bad to ultra bad all because of my stinkin thinkin.  Sure, the good thing was that I was happy and had a wonderful time with my wife, but my food was baaaaaad!  My food adventure started out on Friday night.  On Friday night I went out to eat with my dad which was great but for the day I ate 73 WW points.   I counted all of these points up so I was doing pretty good at that point but I was on the verge of giving up on counting because I had to estimate a lot and I felt that I wasn’t perfect enough in my counting.

Saturday came along and I was excited because it was supposed to be my Saturday off.  I get most of every other Saturday off.  I just go into work to make sure all is well and then leave.  Well, this Saturday all was not well and three people were missing.  I had to stay at work.  I brought no lunch, no water, no nothin.  I was so pissed off about having to be at work I made excuses to be unhealthy.  I went and bought some chew and I ate off the lunch wagon at my lunch time.  Not only that, but I was a total grumpy face to everyone around me.  My lunch cost my 15 points so I decided I was just going to eat and chew all weekend and not care anymore.  Read on to discover the even darker side of the weekend.

Step-by-step temptation pictorial

I thought of this idea the other day when I was going to the break room to get a “POP”. I think you guys will find some fun and joy in this post. Most likely you will identify with it really well too. I will have a picture and then a little blurb narrating my thoughts at that point.

“Boy am I thirsty for a good ‘ol Diet Coke.  Ya, I’m gonna go get a Diet Coke”

“OH MY!!  What are those things on top of that person’s lunchbox.  I know they are not mine, but maybe I should take a closer look.  It looks like maybe they are cookies.”

“Ewh yeah!!  They are cookies.  Is anybody watching I wonder.  Should I just have one.  They will probably think it was just someone else who stold their cookie.  I wonder what kind they are????”

“Should I or shouldn’t I.  They look like maybe they are vanilla or maybe possibly lemon.  I like those kind good enough.  Nobody’s around either.”

“The fatty goodness is just glaring out at me.  I think I can smell the sugar.  I wonder what kind they are.  Only taste will tell.  I think I will go for it!!  But they aren’t mine.” 

Laughing nervously. 

“Maybe I should just move on to the “POP” machine.”

I watch the cookies carefully as I pass by them saying, “I guess I should leave them alone.  They aren’t mine anyway.  Maybe I’ll grab one on the way out of the breakroom.”

Almost at the “POP” machine I finally say, “OK, I am not going to do it.  I’m gonna leave them alone.  That is that!”

I made it to the “POP” machine and get my Diet Coke.  I proceeded to my office without stealing some persons lonely cookies.  HAHAHAHA  I thought you guys might find this funny.

Do you ever have those moments where you pass by the yummies in slow motion and talk to yourself?   HAHAHAHA

More secret weight loss journey confessions added this morning. Come on come all!!

image credit: media.arstechnica.com

 

 

UPDATED ON 2/21/2009:  THERE ARE NOW 67  LIBERATING SECRETS ON THE PAGE

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Ok everyone.  The liberating page called Secret Confessions: Get Liberated!  is working out very well.  This is a special place to get those secrets about our journey that are sitting in the dark into the light so that we can  move towards health.  I really encourage you to use this page because it will help tremendously in difficult times.  There are specific instructions on how to leave an anonymous comment on the secret page itself.  Check it out

Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakens.

Carl Jung

I know what to do but…….. Rebelling against health

Last week I had a full blown rebellion going on behind the scenes.  I pulled through with the help of a friend, but it was a close one.  I thought I would post the email I sent my friend so that you could experience my rebellion against health and weight watchers.  So here is the email.