Posts Tagged ‘bad habits

27
Dec
10

A new dawn ahead: Weight Watchers, Running, and a Fresh start

A new year is ahead of us.  This year has been a very wild ride for me personally.  I have not been posting here at all for sometime for various reasons but have not stopped writing because writing is something that helps me learn about myself, my ways, and my weight loss journey.  I hope that I have not lost all my friends here.  I am going to start posting regularly again and I am pretty darn excited about it.  Please feel free to join in on my adventures for 2011. 

For starters, I have gained about 50 lbs.  Yeah that is a lot but what can I do about it now except move forward into a new and exciting dawn. 

This was during my run tonight.

Here I am just days ago during my family christmas

Running

Part of the weight gain came about because of a serious burn out on running that was largely due to personal life stuff that I described on the blog earlier this year.  I tried hard to hold on to all the running I was doing but I just couldn’t, not with the mental stress and life changes.  Plus, I was working really hard on balance. I think I went to far with it though………….LOL!  So I never stopped running but I cut way back and am currently on my way back to running more and getting fit.  Come along with me as I progress again in my fitness, endurance, and running.  I feel like I am practically starting all over with running but I am far from that I think.  Still, way out of shape in my opinion and the extra wait is not fun to run around with.

Weight Watchers

I am, as you may have guessed, doing weight watchers for the “healthy eating” portion of my journey.  I get lots of points on this new POINTS PLUS plan.  Seems pretty well.  At the current time I am not going to meetings but doing it online.  I am having good success with it so far and plan to continue that for sure.  With the exception of xmas day I am eating pretty good and counting EVERYTHING. I know what to do, I am not making excuses, and I will succeed. Soon enough I will look like this again. LOL

Stay tuned to the blog to follow my journey-a-fresh.  I am excited and I hope that my posts can help you on your own journey with real life inspiration.  IT’S GOOD TO BE BACK.  I AM COMING BACK TO MOVE FORWARD!!!

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05
May
10

Running through it

Over the last several months I have not done a whole lot of being consistant.  I have had a very hard time getting my life back together enough so that I can once again stick to a “normal” schedule of daily operations.  At least this is what I have thought……………………….but I have had a stroke of insight today.  I have not been doing ALL BAD!  So I will look on the bright side of things.  I have developed and implemented a new system at my work place that will change it forever and for the better.  I have followed my dreams of training for, and finally attempting to run 100 miles.  I have continued to eat ok enough not to gain ALL my weight back.  I have held it together in many ways but it still does not take away the fact that it has been really really hard.  And the hard stuff is not over yet either.  Sometimes I feel it is only getting harder.  But one thing I know for sure is that I have been running through it all.  It is the constant (other than God) that stands firmly in place.  Well, not always firmly but I have not let go of it.  I have cut back, gone hard, eased off, etc. etc.  But I have not turned my back on running.  I have pretty much stayed with at least two days a week of running.  My come back races were 32 and 41 miles. 

This tiny piece of consistancy, with which coach dean has helped tremendously, has helped me piece things together.  It has helped me have a foundation to build off of again.  I am back to exercising with cross-training.  I am excited once again about my running goals.  I am looking forward to doing more running in the very near future and Coach Dean will help me attain physically what I want to attain emotionally as a way for me to set a foundation for all that is to come.  I have to start somewhere.  Heck, I have already started long ago, but I have finally realized I cannot do this all at once.  I cannot go at this with an all or nothing approach like I normally can.  i just don’t have the mental nor emotional energy to do so.  So it will go step by step but I will keep on keeping on.  I will run, I will eat, I will workout, I will talk things out with people I trust, I will remember my blessings and……………………………………..things will become what I desire them to be.  I have learned a lot about being patient with myself and that has been hard.  But I am glad I have learned it.  VERY GLAD.

06
Jan
10

Two constant temptations coupled with two victories

I have fallen many times to the kind and gentle calling of the pepperoni. Even at 4:30 in the morning.

As you all know I love donuts and kept away from them for about 2 years. Now they have weasled their way back into my life. Here they are at my favorite morning coffe stop.

These pics show you my morning view of the two most tempting items in the entire Circle K store.  I have a deep deep love-hate relationship with these two things.  They are so tasty but really not that tasty.  They are filling but don’t satisfy.  Etc. Etc. Etc.  I think I just buy ’em, eat ’em, regret ’em in a mindless way.  Which is often the way I and others eat junk food.  We all know they don’t make us feel good emotionally or physically but we still think they will make us happy before we scarf them down.

Anyway, I figured I would take pics of them instead of eating them today so I got my “one step”, “one choice” victory today.  So far so good.  I will keep on keeping on with this.  Happy I did not do it.  Funny thing is, these are the two things I thought of first thing when I woke up today.  “MMMMMMMMMMMMM.  What can I get at circle K???”  It is sick I know but it is authentic.  You always get authentic with me.

Two temptations for the day conquered.

Click here if you want to subscribe to follow my progress.  AGAIN! 🙂

03
Sep
09

It can happen! Take a step back and reassess.

reality-check-ahead-signIt can happen to anyone!  Falling into old habits even after losing and keeping 130 lbs off.  In fact, it is pretty easy to fall back into the old ways.  Why is this??  Well, the old ways are the old ways for a reason and they are old because I did them for so long.  Truth be told, the old ways work for what they are used for.  Oh yeah, you heard me.  THere is no denying that eating junk food makes me feel better at the moment I want to feel better.  There is no denying that it tastes wonderful like a party in my mouth.  I just want to shed the false belief that using food for comfort and security does not work.  It does work and if it did not work we would never use food to comfort ourselves.  However, there is a downside as there always is for self-medicating with potentially harmful stuff whether it be food, drugs, alcohol, sex, etc.  It brings guilt and shame and weight gain and bodily harm.

So at the practical and reality based advice of another great blogger on the journey, I took a step back to reassess my situation and take a reality check.  I took a step back to way the costs and rewards of my actions.  As  you know I have been on the wayward side of WW for a bit.  I am still right here at my WW goal weight but things have been getting increasingly unhealthy for me both mentally and physically.  Steve’s words yesterday hit me just how I needed it and brought about a major lifting of the veil over my eyes.  Now that he helped me see much more clearly, I am taking my reality check here on the blog.

What is my unhealthy eating doing for me?

Well, like I said, it is making me feel better about whatever I am feeling bad about for the moment.  This is true.  It is also making me feel worse in the long run and causing a great crop of negative thinking to sprout up.  Waying this cost is hard for me because I like the immediate benifit of feeling better and don’t particularly like the delayed gratification that denying myself the junk brings.  BUT, after long thought focused on Steve’s comment, the delayed gratification FAR OUT WEIGHS any other possible benifit that junk food can give.  So for today I feel strong and healthy and resolved with new passion for my health goals.

How is my fear of failure molding my situation?

I am scared to gain it all back.  Unfortunately, the way my little mind works is that when I fear failure I tend not to try as to make sure I don’t fail.  Now taking a step back on this one shows that this is crazy because it is self-fulfilling.  I am scared to fail so I fail on purpose and do the exact thing I am afraid of. HAHAHAHA  No more of this.  The reality in this is that I can’t fail if I just continue to do what I know how to do as far as healthy living goes.  It is a no-brainer really.  I know what to do and that is to keep my eyes on the prize, don’t let go of it, and then make nice little decisions throughout everyday to ensure a victory.  This is not easy at all because the fear is still there but the fear is not as powerful as the full life that can be lived in health.  Self-sabotage many call it.

My addictive side?????

My addictive side grabs hold of that which makes me feel better.  This side of me will barely let go of the medicine.  So when I eat two candy bars with wonderful peanut butter and sugar inside, I feel better for the moment, then my addictive side says, “Oh hell yeah that felt good.  What is wrong with wonderfulness.  Lets keep doing this.”  Contrary to much popular advice that I recieve here and away, small dabbles in such wonderfulness are not a livable scenario for me.  I am often told it is MORE of a lifestyle when I allow this stuff into my life as it is less rigid but I just can’t live that way.  I know myself and taking this reality check helps me to realize that abstinence is the best way to go for several foods in this world.

Negative thinking?

I can get seriously deep into some negative thinking about myself and my journey.  So negative in fact that I can completely forget a good thing that I just accomplished.  This is crazy but it is a reality so why should I deny myself the knowledge of the truth or the opportunity to talk about it.  I can pick out one negative thing out of a sea of positive.  It can be a beautiful day out but I will see a cloud the size of a man’s hand 100 miles away.  HAHAHAHA  I am going to work on this.  WW is not really that hard and it is certainly not impossible.  What is hard is staying on track while I am off track.  The contrary actions.  The lying to myself that I am doing it when I am not doing it.  What the hell!  If I am not doing it I am just going to say to myself I am not doing it and then get back on track.

28
Jul
09

New Secret came in today. 73 secrets are now disclosed on the secret page

It has been a little while since the secret page has been used, but today we have the blessing of sharing the journey with a secret person.  They have confessed their emotions to get liberated.  Come and read the new secret HERE.

09
Jul
09

Running alone doesn’t keep the weight off!!

lisa_english_bulldog_running_123rfI know this might sound impossible but it is sooooo accurate.  Running/exercise will not keep you from gaining weight.  It can help you out a lot in the good fight for healthy but standing by itself it will not do it.  EATING! is the determining factor.  I mean you can gain, lose, or stay the same without exercise.  You might not be as healthy overall but your weight can be stablized or moved in the direction you desire.  Of course the best combination is using both exercise and proper eating to lose or maintain weight.  This is a hard lesson for me as a runner.  I dreamed of the possibility that running could offer me a carefree life regarding food and treats.  How far from reality my thinking was.

It is very easy to eat more than you burn while exercising.  Even after running 50 miles you can eat more calories than you burned even before you go to bed that night.  Here are some examples from real life calorie expenditures that I have experienced and what I could (and have) eat to still be able to gain.

  • 6 miles @ 7:28 pace= 857 calories.  My normal is to eat 3 maple bars.  This adds up to 1,380 calories.  I actually do this too!!!
  • Marathon @ 10:19 pace= 3,617 calories.  After this last marathon I ate: 32 oz of Mt. Dew @ 440 calories.  I then ate two sausages with buns: 1,100 calories.  I also had a two scoop ice cream cone at B&B: 565 calories.  So that is 2105 calories within about 2 hours of the marathon.  This does not include the 1,400 calories I ate during the marathon nor does it include my dinner and snacks later in the day.  So adding what I wrote up I have already consumed as many calories as I have burned just 2 hours after the race.

This are real life examples and it is here to prove to myself that eating is far more important in weight issues than is exercise for me.  I can do the exercise but I need to focus on proper eating again.  It is a myth that endurance  and vigorous exercise makes you hungry.  Good exercise actually supresses hunger.  It does not however supress the thoughts of entitlement to food though.  Hopefully you enjoyed a small journey into the depths of my life. HAHAHAHAHAHA

13
May
09

My weight watchers weigh-in results. Who would have known!

SJ40 me running

Here I am around the 20 mile mark of the Strolling Jim 40 Miler

I had my weigh-in last night.  I was figuring that I would gain 5 pounds and I was actually ok with that.  I skipped last week because I have always gained after a big race but I normally don’t keep the post race eating spree going for another week.  This time I kept it going my friends.  I kept my bad eating going from Sunday May 3rd to Tuesday May12th.  I am not proud of this but I wanted to tell you all the bare bones truth.  For this reason, I was expecting a gain but I was just going to take it for what it was.

How did I do you may be asking yourself.  WELL, I WEIGHED IN AT 183.4 LBS.  That means I stayed exactly the same weight.  I did not lose an ounce nor gain an ounce.  What an amazing thing this is.  I am so happy about it but I am not allowing this to proof that I can eat whatever and not gain weight.  My body is stabilizing at it’s happy weight but I know that I can make that weight go up in no time if I don’t care about what I eat.  So the eating spree is over for now.  I am back on WW track today and feel really good about that.

MY EATING SPREE’S.  NOW AND IN THE PAST.

One thing that I think might be the reason for why I did not gain is my perception of what an eating spree is.  Sure, these last two weeks have pretty much been off program but not in the same way as “off program” before WW.  Before WW, “off program” would have been a 3 foot log of summer sausage and half a pound of cheese each week.  It would have been a whole large pizza twice a week.  It would have been fried food after work but before dinner everyday.  It would have been a huge lunch out.  Now my “off program” is to eat pretty much on WW all day long and ate night I go off of program.  “Off program” now means that I might eat a small bag of chips on the way home from work before I work in the yard but I skip dinner because I am working.  It means that I go out to eat but don’t count my points but actually end up eating the salmon with veggies and might even have some of the bread.  It means that I snack on some crackers and eat several bites of my wife’s cake.  It means that I eat the more calorie packed subway sandwich instead of the loads of fried food.  I guess what I am trying to say but not justify, is that now when I go off program I am still eating a million times better as compared to when I was NEVER on program.

Does that make any sense.