Posts Tagged ‘body image


Point of inspiration and rememberance.

Had a horrible day the other day.  It was just killing me how I have been eating, how I see my body, how I see my running, how I see myself in general.  Basically, had a bad day because of my self talk and just feeling bad for myself and so unconfident.  But……..I got an email from a good friend.  My good friend did not know I was basically in the pit of self hatred that day, but he was sensitive to it.  I can’t even express the importance of that email to me.  The only way I can explain it’s impact on me is LIFE CHANGING.  The email did not have any information that I don’t already know.  It did not have any secret to success.  It was just a PERFECTLY timed picture of my story injected into my life.  Basically, the jist of it was that he was telling a group of people about my journey from the start of WW all the way to DNF’ing at 63 miles in the 100 and through to present.  You see, my friend knows my “situation” in my personal life.  He knows that what I have accomplished during these dark days is nothing small.  So his email was a reminder to me.

It is so easy to forget what I have done.  That I have really done amazing things even for a person who has not lost 130 lbs.  He described the faces, the emotions, and the tears of the listeners of the real life story.  And by reading this, I was completely filled with life again.  It was like I was encased in this bubble or dark room but when I read the email I was removed from that fog and put into reality again.  I was humbled by the achievements that I had done.  I was appreciative of all the people who have helped and supported me along the way.  I was thankful for just not giving up on my own dreams while others were giving up on me.  I have a hard time, REALLY HARD TIME, having confidence these last three or four months.  I have been broken and forgot the stength that I really do have.  The ability to overcome.  I still struggle so much with loving myself, and accepting my body, and taking myself for who I am.  But yesterday I started out a fresh.  I ate perfectly.  I exercised well.  I thought well of myself.  Maybe………….I can start my new life on good terms with myself and achieve what I want for myself.  I want to achieve a healthy self respect.


New Secret came in today. 73 secrets are now disclosed on the secret page

It has been a little while since the secret page has been used, but today we have the blessing of sharing the journey with a secret person.  They have confessed their emotions to get liberated.  Come and read the new secret HERE.


Why are we so scared too….

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fat-guy-on-the-beachI tell the truth here.  I am afraid to take my shirt off in public whether I am around guys or girls or kids or adults.  It does not matter where it is or what I am doing.  I avoiding swimming for years and hot tubs with my wife too, just because I was scared to take off my shirt and let the world see my round globe of a belly.  I honestly don't know what it is such a big deal to me. In fact, I hate the fact that it bothers me because why should I even care what other people think and they probably aren't even thinking about anythin most of the time.

I have lost my weight and it does not make a difference on this subject.  Now I don't want people seeing the loose skin and dang stretch marks.  I bet even if I got a tummy tuck I would feel the same way.  What is that?  What do you guys think?  Do you have a problem with public awarness of your body.  Bikini, bathing suit, tank tops, etc.  You know what I mean.  I want to hear from all of you whay your take is on this?


Skinny person says,”I need to lose weight”. Larger person says, “What the …………”

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I was absolutely blown away by a comment on one of my previous posts.  I mean I was totally shocked.  In fact, I can’t even express the shock/eye opening/revelation/amazingness.

I have not experienced an “Oh my God” moment like this for a long long time.  This was not a “hater” comment, nor was it even a negative comment.  It just simply opened my eyes to the truth in a very real way.  I love this about having my blog.  You all say some amazing things that stir up thought and emotions that help me and others grow. 
Basically, the comment touched on a situation that we are all very familar with.  Here is the situation as the commentator put it, “Speaking from my own experiences, you know how when you were fat and some skinny person would talk about how fat they were, or how they needed to lose weight? And you would think to yourself “oh, pul-leeze!”  So my commentator friend told me “Well that’s you now, dude.”
This was in no way meant to be offensive or mean and I did not take it that way.  It was like the first time that I realized that the skinny person in the story is me.  I have kept my weight off for over a year now and it took a wonderful person to say, “Well that’s you now, dude.” for me to actually see it.  Holy freakin A.  I sent shock waves through me.  I was sitting in bed at 4:30 in the morning reading this comment on my blackberry all tired and such but when I read that little part I was wide awake and in Awe. 
Part of me was happy that I was the skinny person but part of me was scared that I had been doing the skinny person part in the situation.  I hope that I have not been offending anyone because I am a skinny person hoping to lose 8 more lbs or so.  I don’t think I have.  I am pretty sure that everyone knows my heart and that I am just trying to be as healthy as an emotional eater can be.  I came from being really big to now being healthy but I guess I just never saw it that way.  I guess the fat mind is still in much more control than I had thought. HAHAHA.  Put yourself in my shoes for a minute.  Think of yourself at your goal weight, feeling super strong and healthy, and reading this comment.   I read that comment and for a split second think why would she say  that I am that person (Because that is what I first said because I never thought of myself as that person) and then BAM,  It hits me like a ton of bricks.
Thank you Maggieapril for leaving that comment.  You really helped open my eyes to the fact that I have accomplished a lot.  I know that I know this already and many people tell me all the time but your comment just revealed it in such a unique and real way to me.  I needed that.

A fast food secret was added to the run4change secret page today

We all get down in the dumps.  We who love our food tend to go to it for comfort.  I know I have a millions time over and I know many of you have to.  The secret page was updated today with a confession of using food for comfort, for medication of negative thoughts and feelings.  Come on in and be encouraged to know that you are not the only one.

And don’t forget to share your own weight loss journey secret confession too.  Go HERE to read the updated Secret Confessions Page

Make sure you don’t miss out on any new confessions that come in by subscribing HERE


The hurt involved in being a failure. Friendly big people.

It hurts to be fat.  It hurts to fail at losing.  It hurts to not get what I am seeking for when I binge on food to feel better.  It just plain hurts to see thin people and hate my own body. 

What is all of this about you ask?  It is about a simple little thing that I have learned that life can do to you if you let it.  It can mold you into a compassionate and loving person.  Yes, it can make you into a bitter evil minded person who everyone hates if you let it, but life doesn’t want to make you that way.  I have found it most interesting that sometimes big people are nicer than the “beautiful people”.  I was thinking on this subject for weeks.  Pondering why this would be and I have come to my own little conclusion:  It hurts to be fat!!! Continue reading ‘The hurt involved in being a failure. Friendly big people.’


My reply to a “fear” comment. Weight loss fears and my thinking!

thoughts-squiggles-2Today I got a fantastic comment on the first post in the “fear” series.  It brought to my mind my own fears and the reality of the way I think sometimes.  I wanted to share with you my reply to the comment.  Here it is.

Rob- This is a fantastic contribution man. It is so true. I am going to add to it if that is OK :)

Point #1-People have acted and are different to me now. No doubt about it. And like you said about your fear, I do have an attitude with them except I am very passive like and I don’t show them the attitude. I just keep it inside hidden in a place that when that person comes around I bring that thing out of hiding and tell myself,“Oh I remember you. You can’t be trusted. You are either fake or have an ethic about fat people that I don’t like or trust. Sure I’ll be nice to you right now but you’re not getting inside. I’ll keep you on the peripheral.  You are not trusted enough for me to let you inside (my heart, mind, etc)

Point #2-I am freaked out about this because I have done what you are saying. I am not doing it in a mean or negative way at all and I usually don’t speak it I just think it. I will see an over weight person who is not trying to lose weight at all and think to myself, “Oh man. look!! They just have no idea what is possible for them. They are so defeated about the weight. I know how that is because I have been there,  but they could get out if they wanted to. I wish they could believe..”

Then there are the times where I see someone who asks me how I did it and what they should do so that they can do it.  I tell them about WW and they join lets say.  They start the journey but all they want to do is make excuses as to why they don’t count their points or exercise.  They tell me why they should have to count or exercise also.  Again, I never say it out load but here is what I think, “Don’t you know that it won’t work if you keep acting that way. Quit lying to yourself and just do what you really want and know you should do.  It just won’t work if you are not committed to this. This is hard work and it takes attention to your efforts to succeed. Nobody loses weight by accident and I don’t know why you think you are any different. You just need to face the truth that you have to do this or that you are not ready/willing to do this.”

Now this is different from how I think when I see people trying hard and are battling with the emotional demons regarding food. The journey is not easy at all, but it is possible. These people tend to mess up but also seem to own up to the fact that it was them that did it and they move on for as long as they can until the next mess up. This is how everyone does it anyway right? We go as long as we can being good, mess up, get back on track, and over and over we go and the mess ups get further apart and our good times are better then the good times before.

I hope I made sense Rob. I am going to make this a post too.