Creating an atmosphere of confidence in your mind for your journey

image from studentbranding.com

I had a terrific week and a few days ago I wrote a lot about the confidence I had in running long distance training or race runs.  As I ran my 6 mile run today I thought and thought and thought about this but I didn’t know I was until I finished.  I said to myself mid-way that I should go for ten miles because I knew I could do it and it would increase my long run distance build-up faster.  I held back though.  I thought to myself that I am 100% sure that even right now I could push through and battle out a marathon finish.  I mean heck, when there is so much on the line (a finishers shirt!!!  🙂 ) you always finish.  I know I could.  Would it be really fun?  Would it be “relaxing” and benificial?  Would it foster good thoughts or bad ones?  Then it struck me about training for me personally.  My body responds well to pretty much any kind of training I think.  I recover well.  I can go a long ass ways.  But it REALLY struck my that a conservative build-up (like the one I did when I first started running) did more for creating an ATMOSPHERE OF CONFIDENCE within my own mind than it did for creating a super fit person.  Of course the super fit goes along with the running but the multiple ultras and marathons, the way I explained to myself in my writing how I thought and felt going into a race, the sense of almost scoffing at a distance (with respect though) because I had done the work in the trenches far before hand.  It struck me that the ATMOSPHERE OF CONFIDENCE in my own mind was what I need to foster more than anything.  THAT is what creates IN ME the ability to stick with it, the ability to enjoy it, the ability to endure much longer distances.  In other words, I held back.  I cherished the “small” 6 mile victory.  I saw in my minds eye the red line on my confidence meter bump up because I finished my 6 miles in complete comfort and with a sigh of satisfaction followed by a smile.  There is plenty of time to build-up to 20, 30, 40 mile long runs.  I was reminded of the times where I had a 30 mile long run and I felt this exact same way when I finished: in comfort and with a smile.  Not sore for days, happy I did it, confident I could do it again. 

 

It also then dawned on me that training (or even starting exercise for the non-exerciser) is  a work of creating that atmosphere of confidence in the mind.  Making sure to work it in a way to create small victories to maximize and ensure that the confidence builds.  The body will make the changes it needs to, but the mind almost needs to be tricked into believe in itself if that makes sense.  It may seem slow forcing delayed gratification but suddenly you end up doing 50 times more than you ever thought feeling like its easy just like that 6 mile run.  I am committed to this.  Developing that atmosphere of confidence, developing that consistency of victory.  Maybe not moving on too fast but making sure I have lots of victories along the way.  Building, building, building.

 

Hopefully that all made sense because I just rambled a lot. LOL.

A new dawn ahead: Weight Watchers, Running, and a Fresh start

A new year is ahead of us.  This year has been a very wild ride for me personally.  I have not been posting here at all for sometime for various reasons but have not stopped writing because writing is something that helps me learn about myself, my ways, and my weight loss journey.  I hope that I have not lost all my friends here.  I am going to start posting regularly again and I am pretty darn excited about it.  Please feel free to join in on my adventures for 2011. 

For starters, I have gained about 50 lbs.  Yeah that is a lot but what can I do about it now except move forward into a new and exciting dawn. 

This was during my run tonight.

Here I am just days ago during my family christmas

Running

Part of the weight gain came about because of a serious burn out on running that was largely due to personal life stuff that I described on the blog earlier this year.  I tried hard to hold on to all the running I was doing but I just couldn’t, not with the mental stress and life changes.  Plus, I was working really hard on balance. I think I went to far with it though………….LOL!  So I never stopped running but I cut way back and am currently on my way back to running more and getting fit.  Come along with me as I progress again in my fitness, endurance, and running.  I feel like I am practically starting all over with running but I am far from that I think.  Still, way out of shape in my opinion and the extra wait is not fun to run around with.

Weight Watchers

I am, as you may have guessed, doing weight watchers for the “healthy eating” portion of my journey.  I get lots of points on this new POINTS PLUS plan.  Seems pretty well.  At the current time I am not going to meetings but doing it online.  I am having good success with it so far and plan to continue that for sure.  With the exception of xmas day I am eating pretty good and counting EVERYTHING. I know what to do, I am not making excuses, and I will succeed. Soon enough I will look like this again. LOL

Stay tuned to the blog to follow my journey-a-fresh.  I am excited and I hope that my posts can help you on your own journey with real life inspiration.  IT’S GOOD TO BE BACK.  I AM COMING BACK TO MOVE FORWARD!!!

Running pics

I plan to be taking more pics of my runs.  I got a new camera for Christmas and want to put it to good use for the blog.  I am sure some will be good and some not so good.  At the moment I am doing walking, walk/jog’s, personal training three times a week, and of course building up my long run.  I feel pretty bad about not being able to run as long as I used to but I am not going to let that stop me.  I ran 18 miles six weeks ago but went on vacation to hawaii and did not exercise at all.  So 18 miles is out of the picture for now and I don’t really care much.  I am just going to start slow and move forward in small steps just like I did when I could only run one mile.  I will keep the blog updated on my running and especially with any marathons I do.  I have done about 26 or so marathons.  I plan to get to 30 in 2011.  Here are the pics from tonights run.  It was a cold and rainy time with flooded streets.  It was exhilarating really.  Went out for 30 minutes and burned around 290 calories.

Cool street lamp so I thought I would take a pic

The cold rainy night gave all the light around a golden glow that intrigued me

Main street still decorated in christmas lights

A life lesson from a “tuff” race!

 

photo by strangesports.com

So I have been thinking about this blog post for about two months now and this last race pushed me over the edge to finally be able to articulate in some form what I have wanted to say.  Most of you  know that I think ultra-running parallels life in many interesting ways.  One of the ways is the unexpected blow up.  Just reading what I just wrote possibly brought up your own sacred times in life where you experienced a “blow up”.  Not of temper, not of fire, but of life itself and the dreams that are contained within it.  Times in your life that forced a renegotiation of your goals or path.  We have all experienced this in some form or another.  But what we do with these times is what counts the most.  Avoiding times like these at all costs will not permit you to totally avoid them.  We can plan, we can hope, we can pray, but these times occur regardless.  It is possible to minimize the damage they can cause or possibly their frequency but one thing is for sure; they will happen.  And this is ok.  So I am going to write out one of these the best way I know how because I think you’ll like it and I just need to do it so here it goes.  Picture your own life as I describe the situation in running form.

Ahhhhhhh……….my goal is ahead and I have worked so long and hard and dreamed for so long about it.  I can taste it.  I can almost experience my dream in my mind just pondering on the attainment of the goal.  THAT place is so happy.  I know it will be amazing to get there and the sense of peace I will have knowing that I got my dream.  The journey has been long to get to the starting line but I am here.  I start my race with such joy and comfort knowing what my future hours hold for me.  Running in the breeze thinking how blessed I am to be able to be taking part in life like this.  I meet people along the way that improve my experience greatly.  I find out more about them as we run together.    I know that they are most likely just for a time but at this time it is great to get to know them.  As I am running I see the hills before me without fear because I know I can walk if needed or I can slow it down enough to conserve my energies.  There is no rush really, I have a long race ahead of me but the excitement must be contained so that I don’t burn out on a good thing.  I keep on just getting more excited that my dreams are ahead of my and they will become a reality.  Of course there are rough patches during the run.  My legs burn and I want to rest.  My back is tight and I want to stretch.  Many thoughts come during those rough patches that widdle my dream down to barely possible.  Then the sun shines in through the trees and my life returns as I eat some more carbs.  My mind awakens and I am in “the good” again believing all is possible.  Time moves on and on as I run.  I’m running, I’m running, I’m running.  After a long time of pursuing this dream something happens seemingly out of nowhere.  It’s the blow up.  The blow up is a devastating crushing blow to my mind and emotions.  The dream is shut down and the door feels closed.  Survival is my only thought during a blow up.  That and giving up completely.  I know the end is near enough but the short distance from the present darkness to the light at the end of my great achievement appears to be many more miles than it really is.  My thoughts change from delight in life and running to self questioning and sanity.  “Was I stupid for trying to achieve and experience great things.  Did I bite off more than I can chew.  Will I hurt myself doing this.  Am I in danger in this dark time” .  All the negative thoughts that I was able to conquer regarding my dreams before are now so consuming that I cannot shut them up.  Panic sets into me just as powerfully as the joy set in earlier in my journey.  Will I be able to get what I want so badly out of this now that attaining my original goal is impossible?????  This is where the magic happens in ultra-running AND life.  I know I can’t make it to my original goal.  I am already running longer than my goal finishing time and I have so far to go still.  What am I to do with all of this.  If I give up and quit I still have to walk to the finish because there is now way out of the race (life).  If I keep going through this blow up it’s going to hurt really bad and I don’t want to hurt that bad anymore.  If I just go slower I might as well quit!  But then the renegotiating happens.  At first I hate it because it feels weak like a cop-out but the courage begins to build again but for a new purpose.  The original goal is now very far gone but the endurance and capacity to conquer the blow up now takes precedence.  I find myself realizing that the journey could very possibly be more important than the attainment of the original goal.  The the experience of this hurt, this “failure”, this “shame” could be worth millions more than crossing the finish line without scars.  Although down and out, I forge ahead with a new but painfully real struggle.  I must not let the “blow up” finish me.  Then it hits me, “OMG………..the goal is not me.  I’m me and I don’t have to let the circumstance finish me and in fact I can let it refine me.”  My heart melts at the prospect of making it through this blow up as a better man, as a better more knowledgable runner.  I find great peace in this painful experience knowing that just making it through to the other side of it means so much to me.  And when I cross the finish line where my goal once sat waiting for me to take it, I am thankful for making it at all.  I am thankful for that pain and hurt that even though at the time seemed so intense was really only temporary as compared to the impact it will have on my future runs and life. 

So I think it is with life too.  We all have goals and aspirations and dreams.  Sometimes it is as though we are running through life so smoothly but we don’t see that huge cliff that drops off just ahead.  That cliff that swallows up so much of what we think we have in us to give.  That blow up that takes so much out of us that life seems terribly painful to keep at.  So much is possible for us.  So much is right there for us to become if we can renegotiate the path and the goals.  In a sense I feel like even though we might not get what we originally wanted, we will get the best that is attainable by moving on through the blow up.  Things get painful, and slow, and don’t work on our time line but keeping on develops in us such a tremendous power to achieve the most important thing.  That is to achieve the depth and reality of the person that we can be.

Very Tired but Happy Too!

Oh boy am I tired today.  I have been staying up pretty late but it has been well worth it.  So I am happy with it.  Lots of stuff has been happening of late and I really like it.  I hope to keep experiencing more and more of it.  On another note, I am totally seeing visible changes in my body when I look in the mirror.  Not huge ones but they are apparent so I feel good about it.  I am getting leaner and it seems to be working its way down from face to shoulders to arms but not to the stomach yet.HAHHAHAHA. That will come in time.  The resistance training is now cut back to two days a week becasue I just can’t do legs the way the trainer wants to and still keep my paces during my running since my legs are so tired.  Running is my first priority but I really like what the training is doing for me.  My eating is also doing well.  It’s not perfect and it probably never will be and I don’t even care if it is.  I have much more mercy on myself now.

Today I have a hard track workout.  It is supposed to be stormy, windy, and raining.  Fun huh!!!  I will be doing 20X400 meter repeats at my 5k pace.  I may not hit all the reps at that pace but will work my booty off to get it done.  These are always really hard workouts for me yet at the end I feel so good that I accomplished something hard.  Doesn’t it feel good when we accomplish something hard or difficult.  When I am done I will crumple into my truck seat and drive home feel exhausted yet exuberant about the achievement.  I will probably tell my friend and coach soon after that about the victory.  The cool this is, is that they will probably ask me how it went and to me that is special because someone cares enough to ask.  Knowing this, I also try to ask about what concerns the people I love and care for.  What they care about concerns me and what hurts them builds compassion in me.  Anyway, things are going well.  Keep on fighting the good fight of health guys.  It is so worth it.  So so worth it.  No need to give up, you CAN get to your place.

I’m hoping for the best!

Since I am working out using resistance training, I am hoping that it will make a difference in my journey to lose the weight I have gained.  So far I have not experienced much of a difference but I have not been eating that great either.  Eating is more than 60%+ of the battle if you ask me.  I mean heck, you can lose the weight without exercising if you have too.  I want to retain and even gain some muscle but also want to be as light as I can for the running.  I don’t really want the concentration camp look but I would like to make my running as easy and as effecient as possible.  So all in all I am hoping to shred the fat off my body, get down to a pretty low body fat %, and build up my running speed and endurance.  I think that this is all feasable but I am having a hard time being patient.  I think the fact that I know what it is like to be where I want to be makes it hard to except the fact that I am where I don’t want to be.  But I will make it to where I am going.  I will keep on keeping on.

Running through it

Over the last several months I have not done a whole lot of being consistant.  I have had a very hard time getting my life back together enough so that I can once again stick to a “normal” schedule of daily operations.  At least this is what I have thought……………………….but I have had a stroke of insight today.  I have not been doing ALL BAD!  So I will look on the bright side of things.  I have developed and implemented a new system at my work place that will change it forever and for the better.  I have followed my dreams of training for, and finally attempting to run 100 miles.  I have continued to eat ok enough not to gain ALL my weight back.  I have held it together in many ways but it still does not take away the fact that it has been really really hard.  And the hard stuff is not over yet either.  Sometimes I feel it is only getting harder.  But one thing I know for sure is that I have been running through it all.  It is the constant (other than God) that stands firmly in place.  Well, not always firmly but I have not let go of it.  I have cut back, gone hard, eased off, etc. etc.  But I have not turned my back on running.  I have pretty much stayed with at least two days a week of running.  My come back races were 32 and 41 miles. 

This tiny piece of consistancy, with which coach dean has helped tremendously, has helped me piece things together.  It has helped me have a foundation to build off of again.  I am back to exercising with cross-training.  I am excited once again about my running goals.  I am looking forward to doing more running in the very near future and Coach Dean will help me attain physically what I want to attain emotionally as a way for me to set a foundation for all that is to come.  I have to start somewhere.  Heck, I have already started long ago, but I have finally realized I cannot do this all at once.  I cannot go at this with an all or nothing approach like I normally can.  i just don’t have the mental nor emotional energy to do so.  So it will go step by step but I will keep on keeping on.  I will run, I will eat, I will workout, I will talk things out with people I trust, I will remember my blessings and……………………………………..things will become what I desire them to be.  I have learned a lot about being patient with myself and that has been hard.  But I am glad I have learned it.  VERY GLAD.

Strolling Jim 40 miler 2010 continued: 22 miles, chocolate cookie, heat, humidity, not good!!!!!!!!

Here I am out on the course. The man in front of me was 65 years old and very encouraging. He had lost 30 lbs and was going to lose 50 more. He said he was proud of me and "JASON!!!! Keep Going and NEVER stop running!!! GO GO GO!!!" That was at the tope of his lungs as I passed him. He also said I was a wise runner.

I really only had one rough patch during the race and that happened at mile 22.  A dear boy said, “Hey mister, do you want a chocolate cookie??”  Well I knew that this did not do well with my tummy but how could I say no.  I had three bites and threw it in the bushes when he couldn’t see.  I almost immediately got blood sugar roller coaster mania and felt sick.  This last for about 2 miles when it finally evened out.  No cookies for me.  Not that early at least.  HAHAHAHAHA.  Basically I ran all the flats and down hills at a nice relaxed pace.  It is a VERY hilly race so when I got to any hill I just walked and talked with other runners so that I could learn about them and meet people.  It was really nice not to push pace at all.  I was also heavier during this race than any other race I had ever done but I fared well I would say.  And my green shirt looked cool I think.

Just another pic of me running from afar

The guy behind me in the above pic was probably the only factor that added some “push” for me.  He was in front of my most of the time and we also leap frogged often.  But towards the end he was in front of me by a long ways and I was determined to beat him in.  I did beat him in by a long ways in the end.  I really picked up the pace for the last 5k.  I was happy about this. LOL.  I hit the marathon and 50k marks feeling very good.  I did not struggle in this race to keep on really with the exception of the cookie incident.  It is amazing how the beauty of the course takes you in and helps you to enjoy your time out there with friends.  Speaking of friends, my friend was an awesome handler.  She met me every 5 miles and because of this we met a fantastic family from the area.  The guys wife also met him every 5 miles or so and she had about three weeks worth of yummy food in the back of her suburban.  She was so kind to me and many other runs always stopping and asking if I needed anything to eat or drink.  Thankfully, she had REGULAR COKE in the back and I took a bottle of it around mile 30 and it FELT GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.   I took another one at 38 miles.  I love regular coke during an ultra marathon.  Because of the 100 year flooding that occurred during and after the race, I was blessed enough to be taken in by this family for about two days while I searched with my friend for a way back to the airport.  This woman, named Lisa and husband mike, made me biscuits and gravy.  I mentioned how much I loved them at the finish line and she invited us over to eat some that she especially made for me.  HAHAHAHA.  They are wonderful and I will never forget them for as long as I live.  They made the trip so much more memorable.

Adjusting my water bottles as I run in to meet my friend at a 5 mile marker.

I also have to say that having my friend meet me every 5 miles was such an encouragement.  Even though I did not need anything, it was nice to know that someone was going to be waiting for me just to look at me with encouragement and tell me to keep on.  I have never had this much support on this race before.  It was really cool.

At this point I am starting to move a bit faster. It is getting closer to the end.

During this race  I pondered on many things in my life.  What was to become of it, what had happened in it, what I was going to do with all of it……………and it was really good for me.  It was hard as I have a lot of memories with Audrey for this race.  She had gone with me the last two times I ran it.  This time, I had to work at making new memories, with new friends, with new strategies, and a new future.  I have to admit, it was not easy at all.  In fact, it was really hard, but I made it to the end with victory.  I feel good about that.

Still running.

I did 5 miles today.  My legs are having a hard time recovering from my last two long runs.  One was 63 that you all know about and the other was 25 last weekend.  My legs felt pretty good in the 25 miler but the runs this week were damn hard.  My legs felt like lead and they felt like that were straight all the time stiff like.  But I am still out there.  I am still going for it.  I am still in great shape.  It was a beautiful day this morning during my run.  The sun was in full effect, motorcycles were out enjoying the warmth, people were dressed in slightly warm weather clothes.   I saw each of them as I tromped on by them as I took one smooth step after the other.  The air was refreshing and crisp.  I listened to Mariachi music for the whole run which put a romantic touch to the time outside.  So although my legs are mourning the abuse for a bit, it was an extrememly great experience to have on this wonderful day

Point of inspiration and rememberance.

Had a horrible day the other day.  It was just killing me how I have been eating, how I see my body, how I see my running, how I see myself in general.  Basically, had a bad day because of my self talk and just feeling bad for myself and so unconfident.  But……..I got an email from a good friend.  My good friend did not know I was basically in the pit of self hatred that day, but he was sensitive to it.  I can’t even express the importance of that email to me.  The only way I can explain it’s impact on me is LIFE CHANGING.  The email did not have any information that I don’t already know.  It did not have any secret to success.  It was just a PERFECTLY timed picture of my story injected into my life.  Basically, the jist of it was that he was telling a group of people about my journey from the start of WW all the way to DNF’ing at 63 miles in the 100 and through to present.  You see, my friend knows my “situation” in my personal life.  He knows that what I have accomplished during these dark days is nothing small.  So his email was a reminder to me.

It is so easy to forget what I have done.  That I have really done amazing things even for a person who has not lost 130 lbs.  He described the faces, the emotions, and the tears of the listeners of the real life story.  And by reading this, I was completely filled with life again.  It was like I was encased in this bubble or dark room but when I read the email I was removed from that fog and put into reality again.  I was humbled by the achievements that I had done.  I was appreciative of all the people who have helped and supported me along the way.  I was thankful for just not giving up on my own dreams while others were giving up on me.  I have a hard time, REALLY HARD TIME, having confidence these last three or four months.  I have been broken and forgot the stength that I really do have.  The ability to overcome.  I still struggle so much with loving myself, and accepting my body, and taking myself for who I am.  But yesterday I started out a fresh.  I ate perfectly.  I exercised well.  I thought well of myself.  Maybe………….I can start my new life on good terms with myself and achieve what I want for myself.  I want to achieve a healthy self respect.

Feet Before and After: Warning, not very attractive.

As you have already read, I DNF’d at 63 miles because my blisters on the balls of my feet was just to much for me.  I took pics before and after of my feet just to see.  The pics don’t do justice as far as the pain goes.  They really don’t look to bad in the pics.  I had deep blisters from my big toe to my little toe that completely covered the pad or ball of me foot.  On my left foot, the blistering was so bad that it was pushing my last three toes up.  I also had a bad blister underneath on of my toe nails so that my nail is actually still just sitting on the blister and not even attached to my foot really.  It will fall off soon and is just about to today.  Take a look if you want.

So you can see that my toe nails are already black from the training. They are just about to fall off even before the race.

Just another pre-race view of the feet

This is a pic of my feet at 40 miles. I was not having to many problems at that point. But the fine sandy dirt made its way into my shoes to cause a lot of irritation. i was cleaning my feet here and changing socks.

Just a little foot massage before I went to the medical tent for the blisters. You can see the bad ones under my last three toes as well as the one under my toe nail. This is at 60 miles

In the room after my DNF departure

You can see the medical tents handy work in this pic. They used second skin and duct tape. Much of the blister was deep so you can't really see it.

Totally bummed but keeping on.

Shooting very sharp pain stabbed me right in the mid-left back last night during my run.  I was kicking butt on my 6 mile speed work run but at the 3.5 mile mark I was stopped dead in my tracks.   I had to walk home.  I think it was a cramp or something.  Not an injury I don’t think.  I felt so out of shape and fat and discouraged after that.  I normally don’t have two runs that I cannot complete in the same week time frame but this week I did.   Me long run of 35 miles last Sunday was not completed nor was my full 6 miler.  This is ok in the long run of my journey but it still stings the esteem a bit.

I also had this horrible dream about the 100 miler that I will be doing.  I scared the heck out of my.  I think a nice dream about the end of the world or some evil thing chasing me would have been better.  In my dream I started out at an 8 min. pace for the first ten miles.  Got totally exhausted, fell asleep in some thatch roofed hut, got up to finish the race and collapsed at the 30 mile mark.  Woke up feeling like poooo after that.

I move on from all of this though.  Keeping things in perspective helps.  I can run 20 miles without any soreness or hardship.  Even 40 miles is not so bad anymore.  I am actually in good shape even if my feable mind can’t see it for the time being.  My eating is improving a lot.  I also discovered AGAIN that eating in my truck is VERY VERY EVIL.  HAHAHAHA  Can’t do it and be successful.  “Auto” eating is not good for me.

Marathon #20. Portland Marathon

Well, well, well……….  This marathon was a totally different experience.  It was not even slightly the same as other marathons that I have run, even other Portland Marathons.

It was a mighty good challenge to say the least and I am very happy to say that I got a new PR and actually finished in like the top 10% of all runners.  That was something very pleasing and new to me.  I ended up with a time of 3:33 for the marathon.  This is an improvement of 25 minutes compared to my former personal record marathon time.  For that day, on that course, using the strategy I used; I COULD NOT HAVE GONE FASTER.  That was it.  I gave it my all.  I have had to fight off the disappointment of not finishing the marathon with my goal pace range of 7:30-7:50 miles but I am trying to focus on the positive.  In the last 10 months I have went from a 4:14 (9:41 miles) to a 3:33 (8:06 miles).  This is a vast improvement and my hard work paid off very well.

One mistake that I made was to try and do the marathon using the strategy of the Pace Groups.  They use an effort based model where each mile is run in a different time in order to create the same “feeling” or “effort”.  This is not how I have practiced.  I always run mile goal paced miles strictly within my 7:30-7:50 range.  Using the pace group strategy I was doing some miles in the 6’s and that just was to fast for me even if it was only for one mile at a time.  I normally stick to my plan, go slower on the uphill and make up for it going down the hill.  This has always worked out well.  I should have been more confident in my own plan.  I may not have finished with a 3:20 (the pace group I ran with) but I would have probably finished better than I did.  But like I said, I did the best I could with how things were in reality and I exploded my previous PR.

Running a marathon faster like this is totally different than what I am used to.  It is not as enjoyable to run like this but it has it’s own special appeal and allure.   It is very satisfying in it own way.  For one, you run along side some very focused people and you are just going, going, going, very focused like.  There are also WAY MORE SPECTATORS.  This was shocking to me.  Usually by the time I go by most of the spectators are gone because there person has already passed through.  Being in the top 10% made it that 90% of the people had not yet passed through so 90% of the spectators were still waiting.  And that was a lot of family and friends.  It is fun though, they call out your name (it is on the bib) and it is motivating.

Overall I am pleased with how things went.  I am also sore as hell today.  Much more than normal. 

Here I am waiting for race walker champion Tammi. Fellow blogger who won the race walk division. I am also getting teared up by watching everyone push through and finisher their own marathon

Progress in running and marathon #20

I have been waiting for this moment now for a long time To be exact, I have been waiting and running now for 2 years and 7 months.  For some reason 20 marathons is a major milestone in my head.  It is a big deal to me.  Not only is it a big deal to have 20 marathons under my belt, but this will be the first marathon that I really go for it.  It is also neat that for my first goal paced marathon and for my 20th marathon, I will be doing my 3rd Portland Marathon.  It is kind of an anniversary marathon I guess since it was my first marathon ever back in October 2007.  My time in that first marathon was 5:45 or so.  I can’t exactly remember now but I am pretty sure it was in the 5:40’s.

There are many areas of running that a person can see improvement and I am going to share some of the growth in running that I have experience.  My goal is to inspire hope that sooooo much more is possible for us than we think when we are first starting out.  I remember that when I first started out with a long run of two miles that I wanted so bad to someday be able to run a mile in the 7 minute range.  Now I will be trying to run a marathon with 26 consecutive miles in that range.  I hoped to be able to run a marathon in about 6 hours, now I will be running one in hopefully half that time.

My goal was to run injury free and still love running after a long time.  I have done this.  I have not sustained an injury nor have I given up the most basic of exercises.  Despite my general sense of low self-esteem, I have been proud of what I have accomplished with running and weight loss.   This is possible you guys.  It is possible to be transformed from an overweight person who hates exercise to an athlete with many accomplishments.  Here is a little bullet list of what is possible.  At least this is how it worked for me.

• All out mile: 9+ min., 7:52, 7:07, 6:56, 6:41, 613, 5:41 is now my new PR.
• Half-marathon: 2 hrs, 56 min, now it is 1:32 (7:02 pace)
• Marathon: 5:45, and my new PR is 3:58.
• 50K:  5:35 to a new sub 5hr
• 41.2 miles: 7:51 to a new 6:56
• I breathe about as hard running 8:30 minute miles as I did running 13:45 minute miles in 2007.
• My legs heal faster and my soreness is gone on the third day compared to being sore for almost 6 days after my first marathon.
• I increased my long run from 2 miles to 50 miles.  That two miles seemed just about as hard as 50 at the time, at least mentally.

I am a new man.  I hope that this little changes that I have made can inspire you to believe that you can make sure strides yourself.  Thanks for listening.

What is running? What does it mean to you?

I was thinking this morning about running.  While thinking on the subject, a grand vision appeared in my mind.  A wonderful and true landscape of beautiful running.  As I sat there in thought regarding why us adults hate exercise so much, I was reminded by the vision of a wonderful time in my/our lives. 

When I was young and in grade school, we had recess time.  I think we all must have had it.  In my little vision I recalled a most common phenomenon about recess.  IT IS THE SPRINT!  When we got out of class for recess, practically every kid big and small sprinted as fast as they could the short distance to get to the playground of the school.  It was only maybe 20-100 yards depending on what classroom you were in.  But we all ran together, we all ran hard, we all ran with complete and utter joy.  I remember running with everyone else.  I remember laughing histerically inside about all of us running.  I loved it but what was the point.  I even thought that as a kid.  Why were we in such a hurry to get to a place that was so close.  Walking could have gotten us there probably only one minute slower.  In fact, the teachers were probably yelling at us not to run until we got there.  But we did.  We ran because it felt good.  We ran because it invigorated us for more play and exercise.  We ran for the increased joy that it brought us for our short time at recess.  We ran because it gave us the most bang for our buck time wise.

Sometime later, as I/we got older and started going to highschool, all of a sudden this joyful activity seemed stupid.  It seemd uncool to run as fast as you could to go do more exercise.  But still, even at that older age, running was easier and not such an evil to trudge through.  And still as time passed us by even more, running became something of a long lost memory where I could only remember coming in last in the one mile trial with all my friends in P.E.  It became something you did as torture for football and basketball practice.  IT BECOME BORING AND TIDIOUS.  IT WAS NOT FUN ANYMORE.

What happened to the meaning and joy of running?  What happened to us is the real question.  Running has not changed really.  It is the same as when humans first started doing it to get food and what-not. 

Here is what running is to me when I can remember it’s novelty.

• Running is the great escape.  It was the release from the pressure of the classroom to start a fun filled 30 minutes.  It is still the wonderful release from a pressure filled adult workday.  It leads me into fulfilling thoughts and feelings.  It helps me, even if only for 30 minutes, to forget the junk and remember the basic joy of movement and life.
• Running is the opportunity to live right now.  When I am running, I am living right then.  Right at that moment I am alive.  I am not weighed down.  I am flying high.  Nothing else matters.  Just the pitter-patter of my feet taking me away.
• Running is fun and joyfull.  When the weather is nice and the spring times flowering is exploding, I glide along the country roads of my home town with a grateful heart.  I take in the beauty of it all.  In a sense, I become part of the big explosion of life.  I take part in the growth and the life.
• Running means “I CAN” more than “I CAN’T”.  No matter what the pace, running is an opportunity to know that I can and I did.  I got out there and did it.  Not because I had to, not because I am obligated, but only because I CAN.  Just like recess and the playground only being 100 yards away.  As kids, we ran because we could.  We ran because it enhance the whole thing of recess.  We ran because we wanted to.  When running to recess, we all went as fast as we could but there was not first or last, we all just got there and kept having fun.

My running workout today!

Speedwork is tough.  It is a great character builder if you ask me.  I have only had a couple of speedwork sessions that were kind of easy.  The rest are just plain hard.  Today I had 6×1000 meter reps with one minute breaks in between.  The laps are done as part of a 6 mile total for the run.  Here are my stats for today’s workout.

1st 1000 meters= 5:55 pace

2nd 1000 meters= 5:55 pace

3rd 1000 meters = 6:03 pace except I almost puked and had to stop at 600 meters and take a 4 minute break. HAHAHAHA

4th 1000 meters= 10k pace @ 6:28  minute miles

5th 1000 meters= 6:30 pace

6th 1000 meters= 6:30 pace

Overall pace counting running to the track and taking my one minutes walking breaks was about 8:04 average pace.

I was supposed to do the laps at 5k pace which is about 6:08 for me.  I went out to fast and this hurt me especially on these longer reps.  Usually I do 400 meters at this pace.  Needless to say, I could not keep that aggressive pace for all those reps.  Also needless to say though is that I built up mental strength (physical too I guess) because I did not quit and I just adjusted my paces so that I could finish.  My coach says that paces between 5k-10k are considered high quality paces for high quality workouts.  In two weeks,  have my last easy/slow marathon prior to my PR attempt at the Portland Marathon.  Hoping all will go well.

More on food, WW, life, etc. in the morning.  See you later.

Marathon #18 and more golf

I had a good but slightly lonely marathon weekend.  I went to bend/sunriver, Oregon on Friday night so that I would be able to pick up my race packet on Saturday morning.  I went to bed as soon as I got there because I had to get up at 4 a.m. to do a 10 miler before I went golfing at a really special golf course in Bend.  My 10 miler went very smoothly with no hiccups.

Saturday I played two rounds of golf so I got in a lot of activity even after my 10 mile easy run.  I didn’t play well but I had a good time.  I got done golfing around 8 p.m. and again went to bed right away so that I could get up around 3 a.m. to do 10 miles before the marathon start.

Sunday came in a hurry as I struggled to get out of my warm bed.  I was able to fit in 8 miles and finished this run about 5 minute before the marathon start.  At 7 a.m. the race started and all 112 marathoners took off up the 14 mile hill.  At first the hill was not very bad at all and I was able to run most of it with no problem.  I did a 4:1 run/walk ratio for the entire marathon except from miles 11-14 where the hill was just to steep and I walked.  Once we got to the top is was smooth and fun sailing down to about mile 20 (my mile 28) where the course flattened out.  Over-all the marathon was not really hard and it was enjoyable too.  I finished in 4:50.  This pace has allowed me to have post-race days without much soreness at all.  That has been VERY nice.

It was a good weekend and although I played golf and ran with many great people, I was really lonely without my wife.  I love her so much and she is my best friend.  I don’t like going to bed at night without her.  I don’t like not being able to see her in the evenings.  The good things is that she was able to have fun with her visiting family while I was gone.  I was happy for her in this respect.  She loves her family and that is a great thing.

Bye bye now!

White River 50 Miler Race Report! Long post with pics.

This was by far the most difficult event that I have ever experienced!!  I did this same race last year but this year was much harder.  Many ups and downs.  Many calm and chaotic moments.  In fact, it seemed as though I experienced just about everything during this race.  It was an intensely humbling and cleansing 11 hours and 48 minutes.  I have several pictures and stories of the race so keep reading.

Here I am at the start of the race at 5:30 a.m.  I have my three drop bags in my right hand and my water bottles in the other.  At this point I am a bit nervous about the journey but also very excited.  The early starters took off in into the mountains with a calm spirit.  Two miles into the race my watch beeped to let me know that the signal from my foot pod (the thing that tells me my pace) was lost.  I stopped for about 10 minutes to look for it and finally found it.  Then I looked at my shoe to find the clip that holds the pod onto the shoe and it also was gone. I got mad and threw the foot pod out into the forest.  About a mile later I realized I was looking at the wrong shoe and the clip was still there. DAMN IT!!  I thew a $100 foot pod away for nothing.  This was mentally discouraging because from that point on I never knew how far nor how fast I was running.

Here is a nice shot of what much of the 50 mile trail looked like.  Lots of roots, lots of elevation change, and lots of dust.  My legs were almost black at the finish line.  The fact that it was a trail run is also a major factor in what and how sore I get.  My ankles are very sore now because of the different terrain.  There is also a lot of leaping and jumping involved.

Miles 1-8:  After losing the foot pod my mental side of things kind of pooped out.  Around mile 6 my legs were burning on the up-hills.  This was also alarming but I knew I had to press on.

Miles 9-17:  This was basically the first climb up the first major hill.  It is a very steep and long hill that occasionally had ladders/stairs to get you up to other parts of the trails.  I was still in pretty good spirits though and I usually pass a lot of people going up because my walk is pretty fast.  The down hill sections are the ones were I usually get passed by others.  Once I got to the top of the first hill it was a relief but I knew that it was still only the beginning.

Here I am at the 27.2 mile aid station.  It took me 5 hours and 23 minutes to get there.  My wonderful wife met me with some water and socks.   I washed off my feet and changed socks.  What a refreshing feeling it was just to change my socks.  I had a blister developing on the ball of each foot at this point.  These blisters were not show stoppers by any means but they were still there.  At this point I told my wife that I was having a tough time with the run and that it was harder than last year.  It did feel good to be half-way finished but the long down-hill tromp took a tool on my legs.  The turns at the switch backs were really hard because you have to come to almost a stop to make the turn and that takes a lot of leg power when going down hill.

After a 3 or 4 minute rest, I am off again to tackle the second major climb of 8 miles.  The second climb is a bit shorter but also a bit steeper.  By the time I got to the top I was stumbling around a little. HAHAHAHA  Feeling a little fresher from my rest felt good mentally but I knew that the next 8 miles was going to hurt.  This section is also mostly exposed to the direct heat of the sun.  This complicated matters for my attitude.

Miles 27-37:  This was gruesome.  I inched my way up that gigantic hill running any flat or down hill portions.  This hill also contain lots of rocks which frustrated my ankles and hips.  When I got to the top one of the aid station volunteers was worried about me because I was stumbling and maybe swaying a little.  I told her that I was stumbling and that I planned to sit down for about 10 minutes to rejuvenate.  So I did just that.  At the top of the mountain I sat down and the aid station people when to work on me.  They sponge bathed my head, arms and legs.  Got my water bottles filled up with my calorie drink.  Got me some Mt. Dew to drink to get me pepped up right away.  They asked me questions to make certain that I was coherent and ready to run again.  After that I was off to tackle the most difficult section of the race in my opinion.  It is a steep 7 mile down hill on a gravel road.

Here are two photos of the view from climb #2.  That is Mt. Rainier with the snow on it.  Keep in mind that the trail that I was running on was basically a ski resort without the snow so that gives you a small glimpse of the steepness of the trails.  And believe me, running down the trails IS NOT EASIER than running up the trail.

This is just another view of the majestic wilderness of the Mt. Ranier National Forest.

My beautiful wife came to the race with me.  Boy she makes it so much more fun.  I love my wife so much and her presence at this race made so much difference to me.  You know when you are a kid and you hurt yourself out of the presence of your mom. You don’t cry at all but the moment that you see your mom you start to cry.  Well, that is exactly what I did.  After I finished the race my wife asked me how it was and I told her it was the hardest thing I had ever gone through and started to cry.  I held it in because so many people were around but if they weren’t I would have just balled right there in her lap.

Crossing the finish line was a major relief.  I thought probably 100’s of time that I just couldn’t make it but I did.  Races like these go much deeper mentally than shorter ones.  It was a very trying experience but I would certainly do it again.  When I finished, there were still about 90 people out on the course and about 50 of those would eventually finish.  The rest either did not make the 14 hour cut-off time or just had to stop running for whatever reason.  Whatever happens, everyone who gets to the starting line is a winner in my book.

Moments after the finish I took a much appreciated rest on my wife’s blanket to take in some hydration and watch others finish.  The after glow was nice and the amazement of the accomplishment was very heavy in this picture.

Q&A Post: Weight gain after events, sore muscles, and hard efforts.

I was asked this weekend about gaining weight after an intense effort or an event.  This is an extrememly common question to me and one that I also hear in my WW meetings all the time.  Here is the basic question that I recieved:

“I read that one can gain 2-4 pounds in water retention when muscles are sore ……….  Do you have any experiences with how some of your hard runs/races have affected your weigh-in’s?”

Here are some simple points directly from my own experiences.

• I have gained weight after EVERY event that I have run in. 
• I have gained weight most of the time after HARD EFFORT workouts.
• I have gained weight EVERY time when I do my weigh-in with very sore muscles.

Now I don’t have a Doctoral degree in musculo-skeletal issues, but I do have some experience with the issue at hand.  I have found that hard efforts (that is whatever pushes YOU hard), your muscles get sore, and this translates (for me) into gaining weight on the very short term.  This NEVER ends up being permanent weight gain.  In fact, after a gain  at the school I will almost always post a loss the next week after the healing process of my muscles.  Hear is what I have heard as to the reasons a person can gain weight even after buring 4000+ calories:

• After are hard workout, glycogen is depleted and when you eat sugar (from simple or complex carbs) your muscles will soak up a fair amount of it along with some water right away.
• When you work out hard, you get tiny micro-tears in your muscles.  To repair, they retain some water to help the process along.
• Once your muscles get better even though maybe not fully healed, your body starts to move the water, waste, blood, etc. through you muscles much more normally causing you to “lose” the weight.

In reality, the weight gain is false.  It is part of it.  It is possible to lose weight after events especially if you get dehydrated but once you begin to re-hydrate you will gain it back.  This little yo-yo in your weight should not be taken to seriously.  I do not weigh-in anymore after most of my hard events just so that I don’t feel bad for gaining because I am pretty positive I will and I also know that it is essentially meaningless.

So keep your head up and don’t worry to much.  In this type of circumstancial weight gain, the weight will come off just as easy as it seemed to come on.

Running alone doesn’t keep the weight off!!

I know this might sound impossible but it is sooooo accurate.  Running/exercise will not keep you from gaining weight.  It can help you out a lot in the good fight for healthy but standing by itself it will not do it.  EATING! is the determining factor.  I mean you can gain, lose, or stay the same without exercise.  You might not be as healthy overall but your weight can be stablized or moved in the direction you desire.  Of course the best combination is using both exercise and proper eating to lose or maintain weight.  This is a hard lesson for me as a runner.  I dreamed of the possibility that running could offer me a carefree life regarding food and treats.  How far from reality my thinking was.

It is very easy to eat more than you burn while exercising.  Even after running 50 miles you can eat more calories than you burned even before you go to bed that night.  Here are some examples from real life calorie expenditures that I have experienced and what I could (and have) eat to still be able to gain.

• 6 miles @ 7:28 pace= 857 calories.  My normal is to eat 3 maple bars.  This adds up to 1,380 calories.  I actually do this too!!!
• Marathon @ 10:19 pace= 3,617 calories.  After this last marathon I ate: 32 oz of Mt. Dew @ 440 calories.  I then ate two sausages with buns: 1,100 calories.  I also had a two scoop ice cream cone at B&B: 565 calories.  So that is 2105 calories within about 2 hours of the marathon.  This does not include the 1,400 calories I ate during the marathon nor does it include my dinner and snacks later in the day.  So adding what I wrote up I have already consumed as many calories as I have burned just 2 hours after the race.

This are real life examples and it is here to prove to myself that eating is far more important in weight issues than is exercise for me.  I can do the exercise but I need to focus on proper eating again.  It is a myth that endurance  and vigorous exercise makes you hungry.  Good exercise actually supresses hunger.  It does not however supress the thoughts of entitlement to food though.  Hopefully you enjoyed a small journey into the depths of my life. HAHAHAHAHAHA