Why are we so scared too….

Subscribe to run4change to get your daily dose of weight loss inspiration

I tell the truth here.  I am afraid to take my shirt off in public whether I am around guys or girls or kids or adults.  It does not matter where it is or what I am doing.  I avoiding swimming for years and hot tubs with my wife too, just because I was scared to take off my shirt and let the world see my round globe of a belly.  I honestly don't know what it is such a big deal to me. In fact, I hate the fact that it bothers me because why should I even care what other people think and they probably aren't even thinking about anythin most of the time.

I have lost my weight and it does not make a difference on this subject.  Now I don't want people seeing the loose skin and dang stretch marks.  I bet even if I got a tummy tuck I would feel the same way.  What is that?  What do you guys think?  Do you have a problem with public awarness of your body.  Bikini, bathing suit, tank tops, etc.  You know what I mean.  I want to hear from all of you whay your take is on this?

Weight loss blunder again!! Went hog wild.

Last night as you know I skipped my WW meeting to get some work done at home with my landscape plan.  I planted 8 trees actually which is pretty good since they are huge and my ground is spongy clay. HAHA  Anyway, without even thinking about it, I went hog wild on the way home from work.  

As I left the building, I walked right up to the red van that sells homemade donuts out of the back.  I bought 4 regular but very sugar coats donuts.  2 bucks.  As I was driving to my next stop about 8 miles away I chowed those down without hesitation.  Next, I stopped at circle K to buy some more food.  I got 3 sticks of pepperoni and a bag of chips.  Well, that should last me a while right?  bwa ha ha ha ha!!!

On my way home from there, about 5 miles, I ate all of the new snacks.  I finished off the last bite of chips and pep. just as I opened my truck door to get out at home.  Then I walk inside, took a big drink of water, and finished off half of a tube thing of Ritz Crackers.  How about that!!  Freakin crazy.  And I am serious that I did it without hesitating.  It was like it was automatic for me.  The old self took over and my car went on auto-pilot.  What to do now?

I am holding up ok for now though.  I am not letting the guilt kill me although I do feel ashamed about it.  That is why I am telling you all right now.  Might happen tomorrow if I don’t but since I did it won’t for sure.  My WW week starts over tomorrow also.  That is one thing I was thinking about while I was eating.  I will admit that much.

So my life goes on.  Hopefully I burnt off some of the 1000″s of calories I ate while planting trees.  We’ll see how weigh in goes next week I guess.

UPDATE:

I also ate three south beach bars and two pieces of toast with massive amounts of honey and butter.  This topped my night off around 9 pm.  Dang it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Another odd thing that is happening with this little episode is that I have no desire to keep on eating bad.  It is weird.  Normally I would still be tempted to keep eating like this but I am not this time.  It is like I took a short break.  I resting period.  And now I am up and walking again heading towards my goal not looking back.  HAHAHA  Now that is something kind of new for me.

Marathon #13 Race Report. Bad weather, Secret #71, and Personal Record.

Race Headquaters

What a marathon experience this was.  To me, it was like the beast that brought the runners together.  With the weather being so horrible, it seemed to bring the runners to a place where we understood, “We are a unique bunch of crazy people”  Twelve of us toed the starting line for the early start as we laughed about the 2-3 inches of snow on the ground and the pouring down snow/rain mix.  Despite the weather we were an energetic group ready to take part in the rare adversity of this marathon.  At 9:33 a.m. we took off together not knowing how things would end up.

The Leprechaun Marathon was filled with what seemed like a lifetime of weather.  For the first ten miles the snow/mix was coming down hard.  Since the course was not closed to traffic, every car that passed was spraying me with slush that was on the road.  Now that was cold and dirty stuff.  After awhile I tried to jump over the spraying slush so instead of hitting me from the waist down is was just soaking my feet.  Took three potty breaks in the first ten miles. HAHA 

From the half marathon point to mile 18 it just plain rained.  The snow had pretty much melted away so no more car splashing.  My clothes were so heavy from the wetness that they we rubbing me raw in many places.  Just part of the fun I guess.  Nothing I could do about it so I ended up just laughing at the adversity.  I could not change anything so I just had to do my best and try and keep my pace in line.  I was also alone for the entire race.  I never for even one minute ran with someone.  Since there was so few people, we were all spread out.  Then the most amazing thing happened………..

“Why I felt amazing here” Contest results

Well, it finally came to an end.  All 24 submissions were absolutely breath taking and inspirational.  It was so fun to have this contest for me.  I hope that you all enjoyed it too.  I just loved going and checking out the pics that people put up.  I often checked them out many times just to get energized for my own journey. So I went to Random.org to get the winner through random numbers generation.  I have to use this site for work all the time so I just used it for the contest too.  It is really easy if you ever need a set of random numbers. I asked the generator to randomly pick three numbers out of 1-24.  Here is what came up.

Random Integer Generator

Here are your random numbers:

24 Mommymeepa is the winner!!!
3
1

Timestamp: 2009-03-16 02:09:43 UTC

Blind eyes opened. On the verge of giving up. Very meaningful post for me (Long)

Winston Churchill

This is just on my heart to write about today.  It is a common feeling to want to give up on weight loss.  I have felt like giving up on myself so many times since I started my weight loss journey that I could not even begin to count how many of these “episodes” that I have had.  I have noticed one common theme during times like this.  I am completely blinded to the truth.  It is as though I have no comprehension of what is “actually” going on.  I get into the negative just a little to deep and I can’t see the light anymore.  I see hopelessness, impossibility, failure as the only option, fear, and worry.  And although the way I am feeling is totally real, my feelings at the time are not based on reality.  My feelings during these times are based on a false perception that I have constructed in my own mind.  That false perception is that I can’t make it to where I want to go.

What do I do about this?  I don’t get like this that much anymore, but it still does happen.  It happens to all of us and not just regarding our weight loss journey.  I think that this is a normal thing the happens in all kinds of aspects of our lives.  I wanted to quit when my masters degree got really tough, I wanted to quit my job when it got crazy and out of control, I wanted to leave when I was fighting with family and wife, but I didn’t.  Why didn’t I quit when the going got tuff?  Because staying in my job, in my marriage, getting my degree, loving my family, and making it to my weight loss goal was worth the temporary pain and hurt whether is was emotional or physical.  It is temporary!!  It won’t last forever.  The pain of not losing will stick with you far longer than the pain of momentary failure will.  Plus, the joy of conquering the momentary failures and moving past and through them is a personal growth point that cannot be replaced.  Read on to find out more info. about winning the fight when you want to give up.

Weight watchers. Opinionated ramblings about getting real with health and weight loss.

How is it that we are to lose weight and keep it off.  I am going to randomly vent some theory out today about various aspects of the weight loss journey.  It is a little long winded but it feels good to let it out.  It’s all hyped up into something spectacular when in reality it is just normal, this journey.  It is the same as every other journey we partake in.   Only the results are life changing.  This is why we make it into the impossible when it really is not impossible at all.

Is food bad?               

Food.  Why is food such a problem?  It is crazy that a relationship with food can be so distorted and unhealthy.  Weight Watchers has really helped me with my relationship with food.  Blogging has helped with this also. I am learning and becoming comfortable with not using food in an unhealthy way.  I mean what is food anyway.  Food is energy.  Food is survival.  But also food is emotional.  Food is relational.  Food is attached to memories.  I am  rambling here but food is not the center of the universe even though I think it is sometimes. 

Weight loss efforts BETTER HELP ME eat in a real world

This means no avoidant behavior.  Sure in the beginning of the journey it is good to avoid lots of things, but in the long run I have to learn to ease back into life in a healthy way.  On weight watchers, you can eat whatever you want as long as you count the points and follow the good health guidelines set up by the government.  You know, the food pyramid people.  They devised good health guidelines that people should follow.  It is a baseline of healthy living basically.  It is odd because for me just to read even in my own blog that the government (USDA) is telling me what healthy eating is almost makes me not want to eat that way.  I won’t go into that though.  I say all this because it is so important to take advantage of the variety that weight watchers offers.  Even if you don’t do weight watchers it is important to get variety.  It is essential to eat the things that you like, even the things that are special to you because of some memory and such.  To deprive yourself and become super strict with your eating seems to be one of the main behaviors that bring people to failure in life long health.  Look at skinny people, they monitor what they eat for the most part but they don’t refuse to eat a donut for years on end either.  They eat donuts but they don’t eat 4 or 8 or 12.  They just eat one and move on in life.  To them a donut is a donut.  It is a tasty treat that is ok to eat.  This is what I want for myself.  I want to learn and become more effective at eating many foods.  I want to learn how to eat 1 donut and move on.  I want to learn how not to be afraid of going out to eat or walking into a See’s Candy and losing control.  I have to learn how to do this.  It is just not realistic to think I am never going to eat a particular food again or be in a particular food situation again.  I am tired of hiding from the situations that scare me.  I am going to avoid any diet/eating program that is too strict as if it were a life threatening disease.

My Record Breaking Marathon Playlist

 

image credit: http://www.virginmedia.com

I am going to attempt to break the Marathon World Record Personal Record for my 13 th marathon this Sunday.  I am going to try and run a sub 4 hour marathon.  My previous best is 4:06 and I did that in my 12th marathon last month.  I will be running my 13th marathon in the Leprechaun Marathon.  My running coach has really helped me believe in my ability to run faster than I once thought would ever be possible for me.  I know I can do it.  I have to run an average pace of a 9:09 minute mile for 26.2 miles in order to break 4 hours.   I need to run a 9:22 pace to break my personal record but I am just to extreme for that.  I am going for the sub 4 hour. The main reason for this post is to show off my playlist for this record breaking attempt.  Now don’t make fun. HAHAHA.  It is mostly 80’s music with a couple of new alternative songs that my wife and I really like.  It is generally happy and energetic music.  Since this marathon allows Ipods, headphones, etc. I am going to take advantage of the peppy music.  So here it is.  Make sure you take the poll and watch the real Marathon World Record finish at the end of the post.

Glad I was fat. Learning to live healthy

It may shock you that I am glad that I was over weight and obese.  Where would I be today if I never had been fat.  I would be a skinny sick person who was living an unhealthy lifestyle.  Not to say that all naturally thin people live like this, but I know that I would have.  If I just had the natural metabolism to keep me looking thin I would be eating much less healthy food and other stuff like that. 

I think that being in the position that I would die if I didn’t lose the weight really turned my life around health wise.  My cholesterol went from 305 or so to 151 in just one year.  I never would have changed that if I didn’t have to lose weight.  I never would have finished a marathon if I didn’t first start running to burn some calories.  Who knows, if I was thin I wouldn’t have even thought it necessary to burn a few extra calories.

So maybe all the horror and sadness that went with being obese helped me out in a way.  Now I am on my way to living so much healthier in all aspects of life.  I am in great shape now.  I am looking lean.  The doctor says everything is A-OK.  The chewing thing is becoming a thing of the past.  I don’t drink anymore.  I exercise regularly and make it a part of my life that I partake with my wife.

So for today at least, I am looking at my past as a blessing in disguise.

You CAN run a marathon.

Image credit: San Diego Rock&Roll Marathon

You can run a marathon.  Maybe you can’t even walk for 30 minutes, but if you keep up with your activity, you will eventually have the ability to finish 26.2 miles.  Is finishing a marathon one of your lifetime goals, one of your impossible dreams?  I believe that you can do it.  It is not easy to get to the starting line nor the finish line.  However, it is possible.  As you probably already know, I started out at 307 lbs and only able to ride a stationary bike for 12 minutes.  If I could do you it, you CAN do it.  You must take it slow and build up your fitness.  I talked to my doctor about it before I started to train for one, you should too.  Below are some resources to get started towards  your goal of finishing a race that only about 1% of people finish each year.

• Jeff Galloway marathon training
• Hal Higdon marathon training
• Marathon Reviews and Calendar

Running perfection but I went nuts with weight loss efforts

Last night I found these dirty little son’s-of-a-guns.  These dang nuts are from the devil I swear.  See how the can says heart healthy.  Well dang, I bet they aren’t good for your heart when you are practically laying down so you can pour them down your throat.  BAAAAA HAH AHA HA!! 🙂  I didn’t really do that but I kept going back to them gosh dangit.  I guess it is better than eating chips and candy but geesh.  Other that driving myself NUTS I did pretty good.  I had a big potato, some wonderful lean beef, avocado, a famous sister shake, and a giant WW fudge bar.  Yummy nummy for my tummy.

Before all the knock down fighting with the nuts, I had the blessed run.  An easy 4 miler was on the menu for yesterday.  I ran relaxed and easy. AHHHHH.  What a refreshing run.  It was running perfection.  I felt like I was effortless gliding along in the sunshine.  I ran along the river in the cool brisk air.  It was amazing.  I think I smiled for the whole first 5 minutes and then on and off.  

I also got some new ear bud head phones yesterday.  Boy did I need these.  I spent the extra money and got some really nice ones that fit into my ear but don’t cause me to have to go to the hospital for ear pain after every run.  I love these new things and I highly recommend them.

Scared to be thin! Are you? Part one of the “fear” series.

Good morning to all and to all a good morning.  I have received a couple of emails describing a fear that is not talked about often.  It is a fear of reaching goal, of looking thin and sexy and lean and happy.  Why would this be a fear you ask?  Well, that is what I am leaping into today.    Why would a person be scared to reach goal and finally be thin.

Just what is it that makes you re-start? This is a long one about getting back on track.

image credit: restart-band.de

 In response to a food “relapse” that I had a few days ago I receivedso many wonderful and encouraging responses.  Interestingly, many of the response I got focused on the positive side of me getting back on plan and moving on.  Out of all the comments I received, one of them was more of a question although it was still very encouraging.  Here is an excerpt from the comment:

“My comments echo what everyone else has written ……. but what I’m REALLY interested in is this: I feel the same as you do about eating unplanned for/off-plan food. ONE difference between us is that you curb these binges …….. and get back to business. I have/do not……… JUST WHAT IS IT that makes you re-start when you have a good hearty lapse.”

I was so inspired by this question that I wanted to write a post on it.  This is such a relevant question for everyone, whether they are on the health journey or not.  This is a question everyone asks themselves in some shape or form.  We all have our goals but we also all have our old way of life.  That old way of life is on the inside and it wants to come out, yet it is contrary to our new life.  Think about it:  You want to quit smoking and the old way wants to keep smoking.  You want to lose weight but the old way wants to eat whatever it wants.  You want to build stronger relationships but the old way wants to be selfish.  Anyways, I am going to stick to the weight loss/health journey.

Post marathon video: Funny

For all of you marathon hopefuls, I wanted to share this video with you so that you could have a laugh and know what you get to look forward to after you finish your first 26.2 mile push. I hope you enjoy it, I found this video at milebymile’s blog.

 

Running commandments by runfar!

I came across this list of running commandments at Runfar’s blog.  I really enjoyed it so I thought I would let you guys in on how cool the list was.

You can see the original post here.

 

 

Running Commandments.  There are 53 so keep on reading down the list.

1. Don’t be a whiner. Nobody likes a whiner, not even other whiners.
2. Walking out the door is often the toughest part of a run.
3. Don’t make running your life. Make it part of your life.
4. During group training runs, don’t let anyone run alone.
5. Keep promises, especially ones made to yourself.
6. When doing group runs, start on time no matter who’s missing.
7. The faster you are the less you should talk about your times.
8. Keep a quarter in your pocket. One day you’ll need to call for a ride.
9. Don’t compare yourself to other runners.
10. All runners are equal, some are just faster than others.

Health Benifits of weight loss & the health risks of obesity: “WEIGH” your options

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TO LEARN MORE ABOUT LOSING WEIGHT AND THE WEIGHT LOSS JOURNEY.  SUBSCRIBE HERE.

I just got a hankering to do a simple post on the health benefits of weight loss and the health risks associated with being obese.  Not everyone who wants to lose weight is considered obese, but I was when I started so that is the angle that i am going to take.  When I was over-weight, I didn’t need anyone to tell me.  I could obviously see it, feel, and hate it just as easily as anyone could.  I was always breathing hard, couldn’t tie my shoes easily, constantly pulling my shirt away from my stomach, and trying to avoid the mirrors.  The main reason I wanted to lose weight was that I felt so emotionally bad about my weight.  I never really even considered the health risks associated with being obese.

Many of us have toed the starting line of our weight loss journeys in an attempt to look better.  There is nothing wrong with this at all.  Anything that gets us to the starting line will eventually give us all the benefits of weight loss.  If you are trying to decide whether you should start the journey or not, here are some risks associate with not starting as well as some benefits associated with starting.  If you are on the journey or maybe just trying to maintain, read on to be encouraged about what you are accomplishing in your life and in your body.

Awesome new contest submissions: Two new ones today

We now have two new submission to the contest for today.  I hope you all enjoy them.  They will inspire you and bring warm fuzzies to your day. HAHAHAHA

See Tigerlilly’s and Rebecca’s new submissions  here as well as all the others too.

Results to last night’s weigh in!!

It is amazing (and sick) how much the numbers on a scale make a difference in how I feel.  Last night was my weigh in.  I know that so many of the WW members at the meeting think I am crazy because to them it seems like I shouldn’t even be there.  This is a new meeting for me so none of these people saw me when I was heavy.  If they only knew.  They actually don’t really even listen to anything I say because to them it is coming from a skinny guy who wants to lose 7 more lbs.  HAHAHA  So far from the truth eh?  So how did my weigh in go you ask?

Goal modification: Weight loss and Exercise

Graffiti art by Bansky

Sometimes in mid stride I have to modify and adjust my goals.  I had a wee bit of a tuff time recently because Saturday Feb. 7th was race day for the 100 miler that I was training for.  I did not make it to the race.  It was not that I couldn’t have made it, but I chose to modify my goals mid stride to make my life healthier.  Coming up with my goals, and then modifying them or my game plan to achieve them is a constant and living process.  I am always making new goals.  As I set out to attain them I hit different obstacles or road blocks that bring about a necessity to make changes.  Here are a couple of examples

Two more liberating secrets were confessed today. The fear of being unlovable and chocaholics.

image credit: media.arstechnica.com

UPDATED ON 2/17/2009:  THERE ARE NOW 66  LIBERATING SECRETS ON THE PAGE

Subscribe HERE for your own special secret updates!

Ok everyone.  The liberating page called Secret Confessions: Get Liberated!  is working out very well.  This is a special place to get those secrets about our journey that are sitting in the dark into the light so that we can  move towards health.  I really encourage you to use this page because it will help tremendously in difficult times.  There are specific instructions on how to leave an anonymous comment on the secret page itself.  Check it out

Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakens.

Carl Jung

 

 

Why I felt great here contest!! New submission just in. 24 total

 

 This contest is open to ALL people.  Even the ones that don’t live in the USA.  The contest has also been extended to go through 2/27/2009.  There are now 24 wonderful contestants who have submitted their pictures.

See the original post for instructions on participating here

The popular post that inspired it all here. 

Subscribe here to receive your own personal contest updates.

Here are the entries:

1. Robfitness
2. LTer4ever
3. Sarah/Back in step
4. Athleticme
5. Holy and Living Sacrifice
6. My submission (don’t worry, I won’t be the winner.)
7. Cecile 
8. Smiles by Sam
9. Shannon
10. Matt
11. Andrew
12. Carrie
13. Amy
14. Tigerlily
15. Rebecca
16. Linda
17. Angela
18. Hanlie
19. Kim
20. Krissie
21. Tess
22. Moran the running addict
23. Brandon at Fithacks
24. Melissa