Posts Tagged ‘Life balance


Weight loss victory is a matter of perception sometimes.

Today I somehow made my way through the mass tangle of the internet into reading a list of the most expensive cars in the world.  It was pretty amazing that a $150,000.00 car didn’t even come close to making the list.  Below is a picture of one the most expensive cars in the world coming in at around $750,000.00 which oddly enough is about half the price of the most expensive cars.

A SSC Ultimate Aero-V (photo from

This got me to thinking about the people who buy these.  To them, buying the 150 grand car is nothing and they could scoff at it.  And then to the person owning the 150 grand car would easily be able to get a 75 grand car.  And then a person from 75 to 50, and then 50, to 20, and so on all the way down to the person who thinks it is the best thing ever to have a 1985 oldmobile in good condition for $1500.00.  It is all a matter of perception. 

I think weight loss is the same way.  A person who has lost 500 lbs may think it is no big deal to have to lose 200 and so on.  Likewise, you can look at the “blow ups” on your journey in particular ways.  A person who gained all their weight back would wish they only gained half, and a person gaining half would wish for only a quarter.  And for me, TODAY, I realized that going way over my points could be looked at like a “blow up” but it really isn’t.  I still have SOME weekly points left.  If I had looked at going so far over as a huge failure I may have just said “EFF” it and started again on monday like we all have done a million times.  Today I chose to be excited that I was still on plan even while going over so much.  I chose to stay positive about it and realize it could have been much more “EXPENSIVE” points wise than it really was. 

I guess I was just reminded that we are all on a journey and no matter what mark we want to get to or what obstacles we face, we are all just people and our goals and hard times are important and real to us.


Do you remember???????????????

This is my journal which contains every step of my journey over the last 6 months. It's got pictures, song lyrics, in-depth reviews of my own emotions, and lots and lots of processing. The small book on top is my newest WW book without any stickers.

Today I am choosing to REMEMBER!  On my way to work I stopped to get my morning coffee (which I am going to hopefully stop soon) and the powerful urge to get a donut or a pepperoni hit me.  I have developed some bad habits in hermitville.  But today I remembered why I started this health journey.  I remembered how it makes me feel to eat donuts on the way to work in my car all by myself so nobody sees.  I remembered how proud I was of myself when I was eating better, not perfect, but better.  So today’s motto is REMEMBER WHY!

Here is why I first started and continue on my journey.

  • I was starting to breathe hard just getting out of bed.
  • I had a very hard time to get my shoes on.
  • I felt like shit about myself because I was not living according to the way I really wanted to.
  • Being overweight was like being in an emotional tumble drying, my mind constant knocked me around about it.
  • I lived more secretively because I was afraid to be honest about my eating.
  • I was more afraid of rejection and that caused a lot of the secretiveness which in turned only caused weight gain.
  • I wanted to feel good about the way I was living.
  • I wanted to run a marathon someday.
  • I wanted to be fit and healthy so that normal activities would be WAY easier.

So those are the things I am rememering today.  What is it that brought you to the starting line of your own journey?  Are they all physical things like skinny jeans, small shirts, flat stomach, etc?  Or were some of them emotional and mental things that brought you to toe the line for the first time or possibly again?

There is no shame at trying again.  There is honor in it though.  EVERYBODY who succeeds has had to try again.  Mess ups happen, it might be a little easier to get back on track if you remember why you wanted to start this journey in the first place.


Point of inspiration and rememberance.

Had a horrible day the other day.  It was just killing me how I have been eating, how I see my body, how I see my running, how I see myself in general.  Basically, had a bad day because of my self talk and just feeling bad for myself and so unconfident.  But……..I got an email from a good friend.  My good friend did not know I was basically in the pit of self hatred that day, but he was sensitive to it.  I can’t even express the importance of that email to me.  The only way I can explain it’s impact on me is LIFE CHANGING.  The email did not have any information that I don’t already know.  It did not have any secret to success.  It was just a PERFECTLY timed picture of my story injected into my life.  Basically, the jist of it was that he was telling a group of people about my journey from the start of WW all the way to DNF’ing at 63 miles in the 100 and through to present.  You see, my friend knows my “situation” in my personal life.  He knows that what I have accomplished during these dark days is nothing small.  So his email was a reminder to me.

It is so easy to forget what I have done.  That I have really done amazing things even for a person who has not lost 130 lbs.  He described the faces, the emotions, and the tears of the listeners of the real life story.  And by reading this, I was completely filled with life again.  It was like I was encased in this bubble or dark room but when I read the email I was removed from that fog and put into reality again.  I was humbled by the achievements that I had done.  I was appreciative of all the people who have helped and supported me along the way.  I was thankful for just not giving up on my own dreams while others were giving up on me.  I have a hard time, REALLY HARD TIME, having confidence these last three or four months.  I have been broken and forgot the stength that I really do have.  The ability to overcome.  I still struggle so much with loving myself, and accepting my body, and taking myself for who I am.  But yesterday I started out a fresh.  I ate perfectly.  I exercised well.  I thought well of myself.  Maybe………….I can start my new life on good terms with myself and achieve what I want for myself.  I want to achieve a healthy self respect.


All set with my food

I finally went grocery shopping.  I have not been but once or twice in two or three months.  I have just been having a heck of a time in life but I finally went.  I got what I needed to stay on track until the race and plan to keep on track after the race.  I am looking forward with much anticipation for being more healthy and being more kind to myself in the future.  I will lose the weight I gained, regain some of the confidence that has been destroyed, and build myself back up.  The world has so much to offer and I will take it in.  All that life has to offer both good and bad.

I feel pretty ok today.  So proud of “starting over”.  I have developed a lot of bad habits again but they can be broken just like they were before.  It is an emergency and at the same time not an emergency.  No reason to panic.  No reason to give up.  Just a bump on the road that brings about the need to reconsider and adjust goals.  All is well.


Weight watchers. Opinionated ramblings about getting real with health and weight loss.

Caped MaxHow is it that we are to lose weight and keep it off.  I am going to randomly vent some theory out today about various aspects of the weight loss journey.  It is a little long winded but it feels good to let it out.  It’s all hyped up into something spectacular when in reality it is just normal, this journey.  It is the same as every other journey we partake in.   Only the results are life changing.  This is why we make it into the impossible when it really is not impossible at all.

Is food bad?               

Food.  Why is food such a problem?  It is crazy that a relationship with food can be so distorted and unhealthy.  Weight Watchers has really helped me with my relationship with food.  Blogging has helped with this also. I am learning and becoming comfortable with not using food in an unhealthy way.  I mean what is food anyway.  Food is energy.  Food is survival.  But also food is emotional.  Food is relational.  Food is attached to memories.  I am  rambling here but food is not the center of the universe even though I think it is sometimes. 

Weight loss efforts BETTER HELP ME eat in a real world

This means no avoidant behavior.  Sure in the beginning of the journey it is good to avoid lots of things, but in the long run I have to learn to ease back into life in a healthy way.  On weight watchers, you can eat whatever you want as long as you count the points and follow the good health guidelines set up by the government.  You know, the food pyramid people.  They devised good health guidelines that people should follow.  It is a baseline of healthy living basically.  It is odd because for me just to read even in my own blog that the government (USDA) is telling me what healthy eating is almost makes me not want to eat that way.  I won’t go into that though.  I say all this because it is so important to take advantage of the variety that weight watchers offers.  Even if you don’t do weight watchers it is important to get variety.  It is essential to eat the things that you like, even the things that are special to you because of some memory and such.  To deprive yourself and become super strict with your eating seems to be one of the main behaviors that bring people to failure in life long health.  Look at skinny people, they monitor what they eat for the most part but they don’t refuse to eat a donut for years on end either.  They eat donuts but they don’t eat 4 or 8 or 12.  They just eat one and move on in life.  To them a donut is a donut.  It is a tasty treat that is ok to eat.  This is what I want for myself.  I want to learn and become more effective at eating many foods.  I want to learn how to eat 1 donut and move on.  I want to learn how not to be afraid of going out to eat or walking into a See’s Candy and losing control.  I have to learn how to do this.  It is just not realistic to think I am never going to eat a particular food again or be in a particular food situation again.  I am tired of hiding from the situations that scare me.  I am going to avoid any diet/eating program that is too strict as if it were a life threatening disease. Continue reading ‘Weight watchers. Opinionated ramblings about getting real with health and weight loss.’


Glad I was fat. Learning to live healthy

healthy-livingIt may shock you that I am glad that I was over weight and obese.  Where would I be today if I never had been fat.  I would be a skinny sick person who was living an unhealthy lifestyle.  Not to say that all naturally thin people live like this, but I know that I would have.  If I just had the natural metabolism to keep me looking thin I would be eating much less healthy food and other stuff like that. 

I think that being in the position that I would die if I didn’t lose the weight really turned my life around health wise.  My cholesterol went from 305 or so to 151 in just one year.  I never would have changed that if I didn’t have to lose weight.  I never would have finished a marathon if I didn’t first start running to burn some calories.  Who knows, if I was thin I wouldn’t have even thought it necessary to burn a few extra calories.

So maybe all the horror and sadness that went with being obese helped me out in a way.  Now I am on my way to living so much healthier in all aspects of life.  I am in great shape now.  I am looking lean.  The doctor says everything is A-OK.  The chewing thing is becoming a thing of the past.  I don’t drink anymore.  I exercise regularly and make it a part of my life that I partake with my wife.

So for today at least, I am looking at my past as a blessing in disguise.


Scared to be thin! Are you? Part one of the “fear” series.


Good morning to all and to all a good morning.  I have received a couple of emails describing a fear that is not talked about often.  It is a fear of reaching goal, of looking thin and sexy and lean and happy.  Why would this be a fear you ask?  Well, that is what I am leaping into today.    Why would a person be scared to reach goal and finally be thin.

Continue reading ‘Scared to be thin! Are you? Part one of the “fear” series.’


Goal modification: Weight loss and Exercise

Graffiti art by Bansky

Graffiti art by Bansky

Sometimes in mid stride I have to modify and adjust my goals.  I had a wee bit of a tuff time recently because Saturday Feb. 7th was race day for the 100 miler that I was training for.  I did not make it to the race.  It was not that I couldn’t have made it, but I chose to modify my goals mid stride to make my life healthier.  Coming up with my goals, and then modifying them or my game plan to achieve them is a constant and living process.  I am always making new goals.  As I set out to attain them I hit different obstacles or road blocks that bring about a necessity to make changes.  Here are a couple of examples Continue reading ‘Goal modification: Weight loss and Exercise’


Why I felt great here contest!! New submission just in. 24 total


eye-001Contest Time

 This contest is open to ALL people.  Even the ones that don’t live in the USA.  The contest has also been extended to go through 2/27/2009.  There are now 24 wonderful contestants who have submitted their pictures.

See the original post for instructions on participating here

The popular post that inspired it all here. 

Subscribe here to receive your own personal contest updates.

Here are the entries:

  1. Robfitness
  2. LTer4ever
  3. Sarah/Back in step
  4. Athleticme
  5. Holy and Living Sacrifice
  6. My submission (don’t worry, I won’t be the winner.)
  7. Cecile 
  8. Smiles by Sam
  9. Shannon
  10. Matt
  11. Andrew
  12. Carrie
  13. Amy
  14. Tigerlily
  15. Rebecca
  16. Linda
  17. Angela
  18. Hanlie
  19. Kim
  20. Krissie
  21. Tess
  22. Moran the running addict
  23. Brandon at Fithacks
  24. Melissa 

Win a run4change T-shirt. Why I felt amazing here, contest!!!

eye-001Contest Time




So many of you mentioned that you loved one of the most popular posts here at run4change.  Some of you thought that the post theme would make a great T-shirt.  Then, one of you mentioned that the cool T-shirt should be the prize for the winner of a contest held here at the blog.  So I did a contest to see who could come up with a great contest idea and you all voted on the one that you thought I should use for this contest.  Here is the idea that you voted for me to use for this T-shirt contest:

How about submitting a pic with a short description: “Why I felt amazing here.” It could be a way to focus on times when we FELT great regardless of size/appearance.

You loved the idea and so did I.  So now it is time for the contest.  Read on to find out how you can participate and win a run4change T-shirt (I will be getting the shirt made after the contest is over so I know what sizes to get).

Continue reading ‘Win a run4change T-shirt. Why I felt amazing here, contest!!!’


A new balanced schedule, coming right up!

Kabota Tractor and MeAlright, I am pretty excited right now about my new balanced schedule for fitness.  I think it is realistic and it will help me both get more fit and balanced at the same time.  I will have an exercise schedule that is livable that will carry me to my two goal races.

I hope to beat the times that I got in the Strolling Jim 40 miler and the Portalnd Marathon.  So rather than go for number of races, I am going to try and make the two races that I will be doing count as quality.  It is a great change of pace yet still challenging and motivating.




Here it is in a generic nut shell.

Mon: Walk or Row

Tues:  WW meeting and X train

Wed: Run

Thur: Run

Fri: Run

Sat: Skiing/Hiking

Sun: Long run but not super duper long every week.

So there you have it.  I like it.


Things are looking up and relief is upon me.

Caped MaxHey alright now.  I am feeling much better today.  I am overwhelmed by the response that I got on my long post that I thought would lose your attention by the third paragraph.  Emails, comments, and replies to comments.  You guys were great.  You are so great, that at times I think I should set up a……………..  well, I will keep that little secret for another post.

Anyway.  No running or exercise yesterday.  I did bad by not counting my points either.  I completely rested all the way and spent the rest of day after work with my wife.  It was nice.  There is a new horizon in view today.  It is the start of a new focus on balance.  I have made my mind up regarding what to do.  I am releasing the death grip on all of my races except for one.  The Strolling Jim 40 Miler.  I may do the Portland Marathon too, but that would just be an added bonus if I am feeling good at the time and it has a very long time limit.  This will be great.  The race is in April which means that each year after the race I will go through a recovery period and have lots of time to go hiking with my wife, do landscape projects at home, and other fun things.  Last summer I was training for the 50 miler and after that was done I was training for the 100.  This should be a much more fun and personally lucrative year for me.  I think what the races did for me was validate that I had done a great job on fitness.  I know that I have done well now and will move on from dependence on the outward for validation.

Once again, thanks for all of your support.  That is what this site is all about.  I just hope that I help you guys as much as you help me.  Community is important so thanks for building one here you guys.


Body Image: Will I ever accept mine?


Like the cartoon above, often times I see myself appearing bigger than I really am.  Obviously, looking at my before and after pics, I don’t look like I used to.  Regardless of that fact, I still feel fat sometimes and I struggle with accepting my body.  My wife can tell me I am a HOT! husband, my mom can tell me I’m handsome, people at work can tell me I look great, but I am stilling learning to say these things to myself.  I never want to accept being overweight and unhealthy, but I would like to improve the way I think about how my body looks. 

How do you deal with this issue?

Below is a short BODY IMAGE ACCEPTANCE TEST and then a good article on HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR BODY IMAGE. Continue reading ‘Body Image: Will I ever accept mine?’


You can’t escape



No matter how much you eat or drink, you can’t escape.  In a moment of  weakness some time ago, I saw a picture in my mind that really made it clear to me that I can’t escape my problems by eating or drinking.  It was a person escaping from their problems by eating/drinking.  They floated up and away from their problem situation peacefully, but as soon as the emotional eating episode was finished, they just dropped right back down into the same difficult situation.  They hadn’t even moved an inch.  The problems and the emotions were still there.  NO GROWTH.

We think we escape, but we actually just step away for a moment and then when we come back we realize that our eating never changed anything.  On top of that, we now feel guilty for eating like that.

I am choosing to not using eating as a medication anymore.  I want to grow, grow beyond where I am today.  Life is so much healthier when you don’t try to escape anymore.  You just face it (that is VERY hard sometimes), walk through the fire, and on the other side you are refined by the fire.  I thank God for His help on this one.

For some simple steps on how to reduce the impact of emotional eating on your life today, keep reading…..

Continue reading ‘You can’t escape’


My life changing realization

Graffiti art by Bansky

Graffiti art by Bansky

In 1997  I took this class in college.  This class was simply called “Life Learning Skills” and it was created by a man named Willard Tate.  The class basically taught us college students about life and love.  It was a tremendous class.  I was having trouble during this time of my life.  I learned one of the greatest truths that I learned in life.  Here it is:


At the time I was trying to get involved with school and church and what not, but I was so nervous about meeting new people.  Understanding that change would be uncomfortable and that there was no way that I could change without being uncomfortable transformed my outlook on life.  I learned that if I embraced some degree of uncomfortableness, I could break through and change into what I desired to be.

And so as I have lived and moved on from those days, I have not let go of that simple truth.  Though I may dread the scale, or starting a new exercise routine, or going to my wife’s office christmas party, I now understand that being uncomfortable will bring about positive changes.  It is uncomfortable, it is growing pains, it is stretching, and molding.

Let’s get real here.  It is not comfortable for us to look in the mirror, and see what we see sometimes, and listen to the thoughts we’re thinking; but if we can face that to see it for what it is and then decided to move forward oh what miracles we can see in our lives.  It may be weird to change how we think when we look in the mirror.  We can do it though, and when we do, we move forward towards health and joy.

Embrace the uncomfortableness.



The blessings of balance

teetertottertimeBalance is a critical topic when you consider doing a “diet” for a lifetime.  It is best to think of your “diet” as a lifestyle change.  Balance is healthy.  I have and usually do go to the extreme wether it be eating right or exercise or work.  I have realized that balance is key to my success at moving towards a healthier me.  I don’t have to run ultra-marathons all the time.  I can just go out and enjoy running for 45 minutes.  I don’t have to eat the same thing day in and day out to keep the weight off, I just have to keep variety with my foods so that I can remember that healthy living is more enjoyable than unhealthy living.  The most important thing about balance is that it helps you stay on track for a long long time.  It may seem slow going for the type “A’s”, but in the long run it is more successful.  Extremes cannot usually be maintained for too long, and then, BURN OUT.  Not this time.  I am staying fit and healthy for life.

Check out this post from another blogger who I like.  It is pretty much on topic and I really liked it.