Point of inspiration and rememberance.

Had a horrible day the other day.  It was just killing me how I have been eating, how I see my body, how I see my running, how I see myself in general.  Basically, had a bad day because of my self talk and just feeling bad for myself and so unconfident.  But……..I got an email from a good friend.  My good friend did not know I was basically in the pit of self hatred that day, but he was sensitive to it.  I can’t even express the importance of that email to me.  The only way I can explain it’s impact on me is LIFE CHANGING.  The email did not have any information that I don’t already know.  It did not have any secret to success.  It was just a PERFECTLY timed picture of my story injected into my life.  Basically, the jist of it was that he was telling a group of people about my journey from the start of WW all the way to DNF’ing at 63 miles in the 100 and through to present.  You see, my friend knows my “situation” in my personal life.  He knows that what I have accomplished during these dark days is nothing small.  So his email was a reminder to me.

It is so easy to forget what I have done.  That I have really done amazing things even for a person who has not lost 130 lbs.  He described the faces, the emotions, and the tears of the listeners of the real life story.  And by reading this, I was completely filled with life again.  It was like I was encased in this bubble or dark room but when I read the email I was removed from that fog and put into reality again.  I was humbled by the achievements that I had done.  I was appreciative of all the people who have helped and supported me along the way.  I was thankful for just not giving up on my own dreams while others were giving up on me.  I have a hard time, REALLY HARD TIME, having confidence these last three or four months.  I have been broken and forgot the stength that I really do have.  The ability to overcome.  I still struggle so much with loving myself, and accepting my body, and taking myself for who I am.  But yesterday I started out a fresh.  I ate perfectly.  I exercised well.  I thought well of myself.  Maybe………….I can start my new life on good terms with myself and achieve what I want for myself.  I want to achieve a healthy self respect.

Glad I was fat. Learning to live healthy

It may shock you that I am glad that I was over weight and obese.  Where would I be today if I never had been fat.  I would be a skinny sick person who was living an unhealthy lifestyle.  Not to say that all naturally thin people live like this, but I know that I would have.  If I just had the natural metabolism to keep me looking thin I would be eating much less healthy food and other stuff like that. 

I think that being in the position that I would die if I didn’t lose the weight really turned my life around health wise.  My cholesterol went from 305 or so to 151 in just one year.  I never would have changed that if I didn’t have to lose weight.  I never would have finished a marathon if I didn’t first start running to burn some calories.  Who knows, if I was thin I wouldn’t have even thought it necessary to burn a few extra calories.

So maybe all the horror and sadness that went with being obese helped me out in a way.  Now I am on my way to living so much healthier in all aspects of life.  I am in great shape now.  I am looking lean.  The doctor says everything is A-OK.  The chewing thing is becoming a thing of the past.  I don’t drink anymore.  I exercise regularly and make it a part of my life that I partake with my wife.

So for today at least, I am looking at my past as a blessing in disguise.

Step-by-step temptation pictorial

I thought of this idea the other day when I was going to the break room to get a “POP”. I think you guys will find some fun and joy in this post. Most likely you will identify with it really well too. I will have a picture and then a little blurb narrating my thoughts at that point.

“Boy am I thirsty for a good ‘ol Diet Coke.  Ya, I’m gonna go get a Diet Coke”

“OH MY!!  What are those things on top of that person’s lunchbox.  I know they are not mine, but maybe I should take a closer look.  It looks like maybe they are cookies.”

“Ewh yeah!!  They are cookies.  Is anybody watching I wonder.  Should I just have one.  They will probably think it was just someone else who stold their cookie.  I wonder what kind they are????”

“Should I or shouldn’t I.  They look like maybe they are vanilla or maybe possibly lemon.  I like those kind good enough.  Nobody’s around either.”

“The fatty goodness is just glaring out at me.  I think I can smell the sugar.  I wonder what kind they are.  Only taste will tell.  I think I will go for it!!  But they aren’t mine.” 

Laughing nervously. 

“Maybe I should just move on to the “POP” machine.”

I watch the cookies carefully as I pass by them saying, “I guess I should leave them alone.  They aren’t mine anyway.  Maybe I’ll grab one on the way out of the breakroom.”

Almost at the “POP” machine I finally say, “OK, I am not going to do it.  I’m gonna leave them alone.  That is that!”

I made it to the “POP” machine and get my Diet Coke.  I proceeded to my office without stealing some persons lonely cookies.  HAHAHAHA  I thought you guys might find this funny.

Do you ever have those moments where you pass by the yummies in slow motion and talk to yourself?   HAHAHAHA

Two more liberating secrets were confessed today. The fear of being unlovable and chocaholics.

image credit: media.arstechnica.com

UPDATED ON 2/17/2009:  THERE ARE NOW 66  LIBERATING SECRETS ON THE PAGE

Subscribe HERE for your own special secret updates!

Ok everyone.  The liberating page called Secret Confessions: Get Liberated!  is working out very well.  This is a special place to get those secrets about our journey that are sitting in the dark into the light so that we can  move towards health.  I really encourage you to use this page because it will help tremendously in difficult times.  There are specific instructions on how to leave an anonymous comment on the secret page itself.  Check it out

Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakens.

Carl Jung

 

 

5 ways to fight off fat paranoia!

Fat person paranoia.  Oh yes, those dreaded thoughts of anguish that people are looking at us and  our extra weight in horror.  Those crazy thoughts that we all have (I still have them).  The ones where we seem to think that others notice the tiniest details of our chunkiness.  I was reminded of this by a friend who is on this journey with us.  Here is what jogged my memory:

“Ya know, I was always afraid of talking to “in shape” looking people, especially men. Fat my whole life, I figured they all made fun of me, or looked down at me, or felt sorry for me. Part of my fat person mentality is definitely that all skinny people think negatively of me. I appreciate and applaud you for sharing your story. If I saw you on the street, I never would have thought you’ve gone on the journey that you have through your life.”

So here are 5 simple ways to fight off this ugly beast.

1. Remember all of the people who love/loved you the “weigh” you were before.  You are a special person who is worth the effort and the love of others.
2. Focus on and be proud of the hard work that you are doing.  If you are not doing the work yet and you are just walking to the starting line, let this be a fire under your rear to help get you motivated.
3. Remember that they are just people, albeit skinny people.  They have there own fears.  They are probably having the same paranioa as you.  I am skinny now and I think that way sometimes, but I guess I still have a “fat mind”.
4. Realize that they could have lost weight themselves and have the “fat mind” at work in their lives as we speak.
5. Take it to heart that you are the captian of your own ship and you are going to make a huge difference in your life.  This is the “I don’t give a darn what you think, even though you are not thinking it, I just think you are thinking it!”  How’s that for a simple remedy.

Bonus:  There is a thing called the looking glass self.  Teens have it to the max.  They feel that everyone is focused on them all the time.  The truth is, no matter how big we are or how ugly we look, for the most part people just care about themselves when you’re out there in the public.  They have things to do, places to go, and work to get done.

Hope this helps a little with your paranoia.  It is all too real to me.  I have felt like the wonderful woman who posted the comment a million times.  Be blessed and have a great day.

weight loss lies: I lie to myself about food

Image credit: http://www.freespirit.com

I have to admit it.  I lie about food.  No, I don’t lie to you, or my wife, or my family about food.  I lie to myself about food.  I walk by my pantry and grab a small handful of my wife’s special “healthy nuts”.  These nuts that have all the good fat in them.  The moment they touch my lips the lie is born.  What is the lie you ask?  I tell myself that the nuts didn’t count.  I tell myself that there wasn’t enough nuts to make a difference in my points or weight loss goals. 

Another way that I lie is I will grab a HUUUUUGE potato, look in my WW book to find the points value, see “small potato=xxx”, and then I am like “Cool, my potato is on the medium to small side, so it is only xxx points.”  These lies don’t hurt anyone other than me.  When I hit the scale for a weigh in and I don’t do that great, do I have a right to be disappointed when I have been lying to myself all week. I don’t think so.

It is so important to just be honest.  So what!!  I ate some healthy nuts.  I go over my points, not a huge deal.  The huge deal comes when you want to maintain a weight loss and you have no “real” information to base your points adjustments on.  I might lower my points because I gained and then I feel hungry all the time.  Why?  Because I never needed to lower my points because I never actual ate the amount of points that I tell myself that I ate.  Does this make any sense at all?

Unveiling the “fat” mind inside the skinny body

 

Fat guy with the "fat" mind

Skinny guy with the "fat" mind

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I read a post today that I identified with very closely.  I never thought that I would identify with a post such as this, but it sure hit home.  In my journey to becoming a healthier and fitter person, some things have gotten distorted.  Especially things within my “fat” mind.  You know, the thoughts and perceptions that fill your mind as a person trying to lose weight.  The fears, the hopes, etc.  In order for me to really express this “fat” thinking inside a “fit” guy I will need a bit more room than this post allows for.  So make sure that you check out each part of the story below.  The story will follow the same format as the original post, although some of the aspects are a bit different.  I have also provided a link to the post that inspired me to unveil the crazy journey into my mind.

The root post that inspired me was written by Melissa at Tales of a Disordered Eater.

• Journey to obesity (Part 1)
• Journey to goal (Part 2)
• Present Journey (Part 3….)