I had a terrific week and a few days ago I wrote a lot about the confidence I had in running long distance training or race runs. As I ran my 6 mile run today I thought and thought and thought about this but I didn’t know I was until I finished. I said to myself mid-way that I should go for ten miles because I knew I could do it and it would increase my long run distance build-up faster. I held back though. I thought to myself that I am 100% sure that even right now I could push through and battle out a marathon finish. I mean heck, when there is so much on the line (a finishers shirt!!! 🙂 ) you always finish. I know I could. Would it be really fun? Would it be “relaxing” and benificial? Would it foster good thoughts or bad ones? Then it struck me about training for me personally. My body responds well to pretty much any kind of training I think. I recover well. I can go a long ass ways. But it REALLY struck my that a conservative build-up (like the one I did when I first started running) did more for creating an ATMOSPHERE OF CONFIDENCE within my own mind than it did for creating a super fit person. Of course the super fit goes along with the running but the multiple ultras and marathons, the way I explained to myself in my writing how I thought and felt going into a race, the sense of almost scoffing at a distance (with respect though) because I had done the work in the trenches far before hand. It struck me that the ATMOSPHERE OF CONFIDENCE in my own mind was what I need to foster more than anything. THAT is what creates IN ME the ability to stick with it, the ability to enjoy it, the ability to endure much longer distances. In other words, I held back. I cherished the “small” 6 mile victory. I saw in my minds eye the red line on my confidence meter bump up because I finished my 6 miles in complete comfort and with a sigh of satisfaction followed by a smile. There is plenty of time to build-up to 20, 30, 40 mile long runs. I was reminded of the times where I had a 30 mile long run and I felt this exact same way when I finished: in comfort and with a smile. Not sore for days, happy I did it, confident I could do it again.
Posts Tagged ‘motivation
Today I somehow made my way through the mass tangle of the internet into reading a list of the most expensive cars in the world. It was pretty amazing that a $150,000.00 car didn’t even come close to making the list. Below is a picture of one the most expensive cars in the world coming in at around $750,000.00 which oddly enough is about half the price of the most expensive cars.
This got me to thinking about the people who buy these. To them, buying the 150 grand car is nothing and they could scoff at it. And then to the person owning the 150 grand car would easily be able to get a 75 grand car. And then a person from 75 to 50, and then 50, to 20, and so on all the way down to the person who thinks it is the best thing ever to have a 1985 oldmobile in good condition for $1500.00. It is all a matter of perception.
I think weight loss is the same way. A person who has lost 500 lbs may think it is no big deal to have to lose 200 and so on. Likewise, you can look at the “blow ups” on your journey in particular ways. A person who gained all their weight back would wish they only gained half, and a person gaining half would wish for only a quarter. And for me, TODAY, I realized that going way over my points could be looked at like a “blow up” but it really isn’t. I still have SOME weekly points left. If I had looked at going so far over as a huge failure I may have just said “EFF” it and started again on monday like we all have done a million times. Today I chose to be excited that I was still on plan even while going over so much. I chose to stay positive about it and realize it could have been much more “EXPENSIVE” points wise than it really was.
I guess I was just reminded that we are all on a journey and no matter what mark we want to get to or what obstacles we face, we are all just people and our goals and hard times are important and real to us.
It’s funny when I think of it, but bad eating doesn’t just happen when you are bummed out or pissed or some other negative emotion. It happens when you are happy as heck too. Food and eating it are closely connected to our emotions. We use it for birthdays, holidays, and celebrations of all types. We use it at funerals, work meetings, and vacations. It is all around us during all our feelings good and bad. It is possible to stay on your plan though during it all. Sometimes its hard, sometimes its not, but it is ALWAYS possible. Today I made it possible with some simple choices and the stuff I ate that was not optimal……………well…………..I just counted it. Ended the day with one point left actually and that is good news. LOL! Even on a day where I felt the whole range of emotions and had lots of opportunites to not count or just blow it all, I hung on. You can too.
I also got my run in tonight. It was a dry and cold night. I started the run just as the sun was setting so I took a pic through some awesome old oak trees. Check it out and thanks for stopping by to read.
I have given a lot thought to the marathon or longer races that I have been doing lately. I enjoy the races very much and they give me a sense of satisfaction or accomplishment. I feel good knowing I can run 26 miles with no problem, or finish a 50 mile race, or head down to Tennessee for my favorite Strolling Jim 40 Miler. I have finished 26 races of marthon distance or longer but I have been asking myself why lately. You see, I don’t want these races to be my “identity” or self-worth measuring stick. I have been thinking that if these long races are creeping into the arena of meaning THAT, then I need to back off of them so that I can regain a healthier sense of who I am and what is most important to me. I don’t want to get to a place where I think I am not in shape because I don’t want to or can’t run a 50 miler anytime I want to. I don’t want to be thinking, “man, I only did 1 marathon this year I’m must not be a real runner.” I am not there yet but I know myself and my tendency to do this so I have had to put myself into check regarding this. So I have been considering drastically cutting back on these races so that I can begin to focus on more objective measures of success that define my fitness and my goals more accurately. I am not looking to be one of the best marthoners or ultra-marathoners, I am looking to be in very very good condition as a runner who still enjoys running for the rest of my life. Anyway, these are just the thoughts I have been having regarding this.
My eating went very well yesterday again. I went to Taco Del Mar for dinner but had the calories and points to be able to do it within my plan. It was very tasty too. It’s friday and I don’t work tomorrow so I am finishing off my lunches today. I feel pretty darn good physically and have lots of energy. I will also run today, I think it is a marathon goal paced run for 5-6 miles. I am just going to focus on enjoying that run for running’s sake. Just be outside and enjoy the sensation of movement and experience the blessing of being able to run at all. That’s all for today.
Like the homing pigeons above, I need to come home. I AM GOING TO GO HOME. I am headed back to weight watchers again tomorrow. I will admit, I have a sense of shame about going back. Not because of the weight I have gained or anything like that. I feel “worthy” of going back but what I feel bad about is stopping my meetings in the first place. I love them you know. I care about the people there and they care about me. There is no reason but full on self-deception that has caused me to stay away. So today I will make a grand entrance at my “home” once again. I will go there head high and weigh in. To be honest, even as I write this I am telling myself that I should not go back. That I should just stay away and forget about it. But that is my unhealthy side talking. I know what works for me. I know what I like to do for my body. I have listened and listened and listened to my body for so long now there is really no arguing with what works for me and WW works. And in fact, it works for an endurance athlete as well. I have made WW work for ultras and marathons. It will do the job. I say “it” but really it is just eating healthy and eating the correct amount of calories. “It” is like any other normal eating program. The only difference from what I am doing now is that IT IS NORMAL. LOL.
I am going to start training hard again with my running and on top of that I will be doing three days a week of resistance training. I long for this. I am in recovery from the Strolling Jim at the moment but I will be back hard at it soon enough. I yearn for the self exploration that it all brings, and the self revelation that I experience. I can’t wait for the sense of accomplishment DAILY knowing that I am doing the RIGHT thing for my body. The right thing for my life. I never would have guessed that running would have become such a part of my life. I never would have dreamed that I would write a post about my third year of long distance running and that I completed my 22nd long race. I don’t say this stuff to be arrogant and I hope you don’t see it that way. As I write I am even humbled by the process. The process of step by step growth. The process of learning what and what not to do while running. I am humbled that I can even call myself a runner and to be honest at this point in my running life I still sometimes don’t think I am a REAL runner. Now that is crazy because a REAL runner is just a normal person who runs, jogs, walk/jogs, etc. There is no distance that makes you a runner. There is no magic number of races that changes your identity to be someone else so that you can finally be a REAL runner. There is no days per week that you must run to be REAL. All you have to do is get out there and do it. Fast or slow, smooth or uncordinated, natural or unnatural. So I am going to get out there and do some more running becasue I want to. I don’t have to. I am the same person with the same worth and the same integrity if I do or don’t. But I want to run, and I want to experience all that it has to offer me in this short life.
Today I am choosing to REMEMBER! On my way to work I stopped to get my morning coffee (which I am going to hopefully stop soon) and the powerful urge to get a donut or a pepperoni hit me. I have developed some bad habits in hermitville. But today I remembered why I started this health journey. I remembered how it makes me feel to eat donuts on the way to work in my car all by myself so nobody sees. I remembered how proud I was of myself when I was eating better, not perfect, but better. So today’s motto is REMEMBER WHY!
Here is why I first started and continue on my journey.
- I was starting to breathe hard just getting out of bed.
- I had a very hard time to get my shoes on.
- I felt like shit about myself because I was not living according to the way I really wanted to.
- Being overweight was like being in an emotional tumble drying, my mind constant knocked me around about it.
- I lived more secretively because I was afraid to be honest about my eating.
- I was more afraid of rejection and that caused a lot of the secretiveness which in turned only caused weight gain.
- I wanted to feel good about the way I was living.
- I wanted to run a marathon someday.
- I wanted to be fit and healthy so that normal activities would be WAY easier.
So those are the things I am rememering today. What is it that brought you to the starting line of your own journey? Are they all physical things like skinny jeans, small shirts, flat stomach, etc? Or were some of them emotional and mental things that brought you to toe the line for the first time or possibly again?
There is no shame at trying again. There is honor in it though. EVERYBODY who succeeds has had to try again. Mess ups happen, it might be a little easier to get back on track if you remember why you wanted to start this journey in the first place.
I finally went grocery shopping. I have not been but once or twice in two or three months. I have just been having a heck of a time in life but I finally went. I got what I needed to stay on track until the race and plan to keep on track after the race. I am looking forward with much anticipation for being more healthy and being more kind to myself in the future. I will lose the weight I gained, regain some of the confidence that has been destroyed, and build myself back up. The world has so much to offer and I will take it in. All that life has to offer both good and bad.
I feel pretty ok today. So proud of “starting over”. I have developed a lot of bad habits again but they can be broken just like they were before. It is an emergency and at the same time not an emergency. No reason to panic. No reason to give up. Just a bump on the road that brings about the need to reconsider and adjust goals. All is well.