Posts Tagged ‘Struggles



10
Apr
09

Not secret, not hidden, not fun!!!!!!!!!!

maple-bar-1

I experienced weight loss, health, weight maintenance insanity last night.  What I experienced really put the “fat mind” right into the spot light.  The thinking pattern was totally exposed and it was the pattern of an addict’s thinking.  It truly was sick I think.  I felt ashamed, amused, and freaked out all at the same time.  Not only did this happen, but it happen WITH someone else.  That is where it all started………. Continue reading ‘Not secret, not hidden, not fun!!!!!!!!!!’

07
Apr
09

Bit of a struggle on WW.

Caped MaxI have been having a hard time with my eating since Saturday.  I know it is because in my mind I have given myself permission in a way because of the 35 mile long run that I did.  However, this is no excuse for not counting or eating healthy.  I count really good all day until I get home.  When I get home I jump right into working and don’t eat anything.  Then, around 8 o’clock I eat.  I have been eating my kind of regular dinner stuff but also snacking on junky stuff too.  I have my weigh-in tonight and am not thinking that it is going to go very well. 

I am also going to where jeans at my weigh-in for the first time since I started Weight Watchers.  This freaks me out but I figure it is about time I stop worrying about what clothes I wear to my meeting.  Anyways, chocolate coverd peanuts have been the evil predetor to my healthy efforts these last couple of days.

30
Mar
09

Deep calling out to deep…. Weight loss inspirations comes from the real side of people!!

image credit: www.mpi.org

image credit: http://www.mpi.org

THIS IS A LONG POST BUT A GOOD ONE!!!!!!!

A great discussion broke out in the comments section of my post on “Going it alone”.  The conversation basically took a turn towards what actually inspires people.  Some readers and myself were somewhat amazed that people would be inspired by us because we know we fall short in so many ways.  This is a guest blog by cool Kimand I am also going to add my thoughts to hers.  This post is itself a dialogue of sorts.  So sit back and enjoy.  You will be moved to new heights in being real about your failures.  I was going to post each comment here but as I read them I realized that more people were in on the same subject of conversation than I had originally realized.  Please take a moment and read through these comments. 

Here are the comments that birthed this post.

Read the guest blog and my post below: Continue reading ‘Deep calling out to deep…. Weight loss inspirations comes from the real side of people!!’

23
Mar
09

Can I climb out of the pit of bad feelings and food?

So I am feeling like poooo today.  I was thinking that I usually don’t post about feeling like this but maybe I am always doing it but don’t realize it.  I did not really even do WW over the weekend.  I made the excuse that since my WW calculator broke and is not repairable that I just didn’t have to count.  Well, I could have done great without counting anyway but I chose to eat junk food quite a bit.  That had nothing to do with counting.  I did get my two longer runs in this weekend and feel that my marathon recovery is now over.  I am ready for a new week in training.  I am also ready for a new week in eating too.  I will buy a new calculator at my Tuesday WW meeting.

I am just feeling depressed.  Although my weekend was supposed to be fun and relaxing, it stressed me out a lot.  I do not do well at all when I am feeling torn in many directions while at the present I am limited on time to get it all done.  I tend to just give up.  There are several things I WON’T GIVE UP THOUGH!!  That is time with my wife, eating right, exercising, and keeping my house nice.  All other things must be side issues except this weekend those things were creeping into the forefront of my mind, time, life…..  I wonder if I will be able to crawl back out of the big sink hole of being torn.  This same thing happened when I was training for the 100 miler.  The great thing is that my wife backs me up all the way this time since our goals are much more aligned with each other.

Do you every feel torn between things that are not really that important and the things that you feel are most important?  Maybe the non-important things are being pressured on you by others, do you ever feel this way?

23
Mar
09

Why not go it alone……

I got a comment the other day that had a very cool quote in it.  I don’t think it is a famous quote, I think it actually just came from the persons heart.  It was impactful to me.  Why don’t we just go it alone on our weight loss journey?  I don’t think that it’s a good idea to try to do it all by ourselves.  Here is the quote:

“This journey is forever, better to all walk together!”

To go it alone for the rest of your life can get really lonely.  To go it alone forever keeps people out of your life who would have been able to help you and enrich your days.  To go it alone means that you don’t get a chance to impact others for good.  This healthy journey is forever.  I am very sorry if you don’t like this aspect of it, but if you think that reaching goal means that you don’t have to care anymore, you are wrong.   It is so much easier to care when we have others to care about and who will care for us too.

19
Mar
09

Why are we so scared too….

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fat-guy-on-the-beachI tell the truth here.  I am afraid to take my shirt off in public whether I am around guys or girls or kids or adults.  It does not matter where it is or what I am doing.  I avoiding swimming for years and hot tubs with my wife too, just because I was scared to take off my shirt and let the world see my round globe of a belly.  I honestly don't know what it is such a big deal to me. In fact, I hate the fact that it bothers me because why should I even care what other people think and they probably aren't even thinking about anythin most of the time.

I have lost my weight and it does not make a difference on this subject.  Now I don't want people seeing the loose skin and dang stretch marks.  I bet even if I got a tummy tuck I would feel the same way.  What is that?  What do you guys think?  Do you have a problem with public awarness of your body.  Bikini, bathing suit, tank tops, etc.  You know what I mean.  I want to hear from all of you whay your take is on this?

18
Mar
09

Weight loss blunder again!! Went hog wild.

bacon_maple_bar-8x6Last night as you know I skipped my WW meeting to get some work done at home with my landscape plan.  I planted 8 trees actually which is pretty good since they are huge and my ground is spongy clay. HAHA  Anyway, without even thinking about it, I went hog wild on the way home from work.  

As I left the building, I walked right up to the red van that sells homemade donuts out of the back.  I bought 4 regular but very sugar coats donuts.  2 bucks.  As I was driving to my next stop about 8 miles away I chowed those down without hesitation.  Next, I stopped at circle K to buy some more food.  I got 3 sticks of pepperoni and a bag of chips.  Well, that should last me a while right?  bwa ha ha ha ha!!!

On my way home from there, about 5 miles, I ate all of the new snacks.  I finished off the last bite of chips and pep. just as I opened my truck door to get out at home.  Then I walk inside, took a big drink of water, and finished off half of a tube thing of Ritz Crackers.  How about that!!  Freakin crazy.  And I am serious that I did it without hesitating.  It was like it was automatic for me.  The old self took over and my car went on auto-pilot.  What to do now?

I am holding up ok for now though.  I am not letting the guilt kill me although I do feel ashamed about it.  That is why I am telling you all right now.  Might happen tomorrow if I don’t but since I did it won’t for sure.  My WW week starts over tomorrow also.  That is one thing I was thinking about while I was eating.  I will admit that much.

So my life goes on.  Hopefully I burnt off some of the 1000″s of calories I ate while planting trees.  We’ll see how weigh in goes next week I guess.

UPDATE:

I also ate three south beach bars and two pieces of toast with massive amounts of honey and butter.  This topped my night off around 9 pm.  Dang it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Another odd thing that is happening with this little episode is that I have no desire to keep on eating bad.  It is weird.  Normally I would still be tempted to keep eating like this but I am not this time.  It is like I took a short break.  I resting period.  And now I am up and walking again heading towards my goal not looking back.  HAHAHA  Now that is something kind of new for me.

16
Mar
09

Marathon #13 Race Report. Bad weather, Secret #71, and Personal Record.

Race Headquaters

Race Headquaters

What a marathon experience this was.  To me, it was like the beast that brought the runners together.  With the weather being so horrible, it seemed to bring the runners to a place where we understood, “We are a unique bunch of crazy people”  Twelve of us toed the starting line for the early start as we laughed about the 2-3 inches of snow on the ground and the pouring down snow/rain mix.  Despite the weather we were an energetic group ready to take part in the rare adversity of this marathon.  At 9:33 a.m. we took off together not knowing how things would end up.

The Leprechaun Marathon was filled with what seemed like a lifetime of weather.  For the first ten miles the snow/mix was coming down hard.  Since the course was not closed to traffic, every car that passed was spraying me with slush that was on the road.  Now that was cold and dirty stuff.  After awhile I tried to jump over the spraying slush so instead of hitting me from the waist down is was just soaking my feet.  Took three potty breaks in the first ten miles. HAHA 

From the half marathon point to mile 18 it just plain rained.  The snow had pretty much melted away so no more car splashing.  My clothes were so heavy from the wetness that they we rubbing me raw in many places.  Just part of the fun I guess.  Nothing I could do about it so I ended up just laughing at the adversity.  I could not change anything so I just had to do my best and try and keep my pace in line.  I was also alone for the entire race.  I never for even one minute ran with someone.  Since there was so few people, we were all spread out.  Then the most amazing thing happened……….. Continue reading ‘Marathon #13 Race Report. Bad weather, Secret #71, and Personal Record.’

13
Mar
09

Secret #70 just in. Girl scout cookies are a pain in the a…!! Time for some liberation

We all know the delicious taste of our favorite Girl Scout cookie.  Some of us can keep them around without issue yet some of us cannot.  Today’s secret confessions is a vent about eating the infamous cookies.  Check it out.

Also, don’t forget to share your own confession.  Not only will it help you to let out the pressure of holding the secret, but it will help other know that they are not alone on this journey that at times seems impossible.

Here is the 70th secret on the run4change Secret Confessions Page

13
Mar
09

Cool poem about fear and being over weight.

Mommymeepa wrote this poem. She left it as a comment on my post about fear. She was the one who inspired the post during some of our email conversations. She is a great woman and a great writer. Here it is.

Thanks for this post. I am on my way to losing 130 pounds. I have lost 30. I have a lot of fears that have been touched upon in your post and in these comments.

Hi Jason. Thanks for this post. I put my thoughts down in poem form. Enjoy!!

I have been overweight most of my life.
I’m trying to be a good mom and wife.
But fear keeps getting in my way,
so I continue to battle my weight everyday.

If I lose my weight what will people say?
Will they still talk to me and treat me the same way?
Will I lose the friends that I used to eat with?
Will they be jealous because I am fit?

I heard once your thin
people start to notice more and more
My question is what was wrong with me before?

Oh yeah I have a pretty face
and a personality to match
But now my whole package
You think is a catch?

Will I be able to maintain all the weight that I have lost?
Will losing my weight be worth the cost?
The cost of having to do all the things that I never had to do before?
I can’t hide behind my weight working out and eating right seems like such a chore.

To answer the question is it worth it?
Yes it is I’ll say it quick.
No matter it I’m treated differently by friends or my fam
I’ll do it over and over again

I want my kids to grow up with their mom
I want them to think that I’m the bomb
It does not matter about the world
It’s all about my little boy and girl

To be successful is a big fear
But my mom died at age 53, she was a dear
She was obese and not fit at all
and now she’s missing seeing her grandkids grow up tall

So all the fears I have will be put aside
So I can live life to the fullest with my kids
It will be an awesome ride.

09
Mar
09

A fast food secret was added to the run4change secret page today

We all get down in the dumps.  We who love our food tend to go to it for comfort.  I know I have a millions time over and I know many of you have to.  The secret page was updated today with a confession of using food for comfort, for medication of negative thoughts and feelings.  Come on in and be encouraged to know that you are not the only one.

And don’t forget to share your own weight loss journey secret confession too.  Go HERE to read the updated Secret Confessions Page

Make sure you don’t miss out on any new confessions that come in by subscribing HERE

05
Mar
09

My reply to a “fear” comment. Weight loss fears and my thinking!

thoughts-squiggles-2Today I got a fantastic comment on the first post in the “fear” series.  It brought to my mind my own fears and the reality of the way I think sometimes.  I wanted to share with you my reply to the comment.  Here it is.

Rob- This is a fantastic contribution man. It is so true. I am going to add to it if that is OK :)

Point #1-People have acted and are different to me now. No doubt about it. And like you said about your fear, I do have an attitude with them except I am very passive like and I don’t show them the attitude. I just keep it inside hidden in a place that when that person comes around I bring that thing out of hiding and tell myself,“Oh I remember you. You can’t be trusted. You are either fake or have an ethic about fat people that I don’t like or trust. Sure I’ll be nice to you right now but you’re not getting inside. I’ll keep you on the peripheral.  You are not trusted enough for me to let you inside (my heart, mind, etc)


Point #2-I am freaked out about this because I have done what you are saying. I am not doing it in a mean or negative way at all and I usually don’t speak it I just think it. I will see an over weight person who is not trying to lose weight at all and think to myself, “Oh man. look!! They just have no idea what is possible for them. They are so defeated about the weight. I know how that is because I have been there,  but they could get out if they wanted to. I wish they could believe..”


Then there are the times where I see someone who asks me how I did it and what they should do so that they can do it.  I tell them about WW and they join lets say.  They start the journey but all they want to do is make excuses as to why they don’t count their points or exercise.  They tell me why they should have to count or exercise also.  Again, I never say it out load but here is what I think, “Don’t you know that it won’t work if you keep acting that way. Quit lying to yourself and just do what you really want and know you should do.  It just won’t work if you are not committed to this. This is hard work and it takes attention to your efforts to succeed. Nobody loses weight by accident and I don’t know why you think you are any different. You just need to face the truth that you have to do this or that you are not ready/willing to do this.”

Now this is different from how I think when I see people trying hard and are battling with the emotional demons regarding food. The journey is not easy at all, but it is possible. These people tend to mess up but also seem to own up to the fact that it was them that did it and they move on for as long as they can until the next mess up. This is how everyone does it anyway right? We go as long as we can being good, mess up, get back on track, and over and over we go and the mess ups get further apart and our good times are better then the good times before.

I hope I made sense Rob. I am going to make this a post too.

05
Mar
09

Scared to be thin! Are you? Part one of the “fear” series.

scared-face-002

Good morning to all and to all a good morning.  I have received a couple of emails describing a fear that is not talked about often.  It is a fear of reaching goal, of looking thin and sexy and lean and happy.  Why would this be a fear you ask?  Well, that is what I am leaping into today.    Why would a person be scared to reach goal and finally be thin.

Continue reading ‘Scared to be thin! Are you? Part one of the “fear” series.’

02
Mar
09

Will power and weight loss.

power_rangers_mystic_force_k

Is will power all it takes to loss weight?  Can you lose weight without being a strong willed person?  Mommymeepa thought a post about will power would be cool, so today I am posting on will power and weight loss.

Is will power all I need to lose weight and keep it off?  I don’t think so. I suppose that I could label those little choices I make right off the bat in the face of temptation as will power though.  Will power is some un-seen force that people believe that they either have or don’t have.  I just don’t believe this.  I feel that everyone has the same chance at losing weight and getting healthy.  I also feel like it has more to do with changing the way we think and the way we organize our environment.  Here are some thoughts on why I think that the battle is not won or lost on will power alone. Continue reading ‘Will power and weight loss.’

25
Feb
09

Just what is it that makes you re-start? This is a long one about getting back on track.

image credit: restart-band.de

image credit: restart-band.de

 In response to a food “relapse” that I had a few days ago I receivedso many wonderful and encouraging responses.  Interestingly, many of the response I got focused on the positive side of me getting back on plan and moving on.  Out of all the comments I received, one of them was more of a question although it was still very encouraging.  Here is an excerpt from the comment:

“My comments echo what everyone else has written ……. but what I’m REALLY interested in is this: I feel the same as you do about eating unplanned for/off-plan food. ONE difference between us is that you curb these binges …….. and get back to business. I have/do not……… JUST WHAT IS IT that makes you re-start when you have a good hearty lapse.”

I was so inspired by this question that I wanted to write a post on it.  This is such a relevant question for everyone, whether they are on the health journey or not.  This is a question everyone asks themselves in some shape or form.  We all have our goals but we also all have our old way of life.  That old way of life is on the inside and it wants to come out, yet it is contrary to our new life.  Think about it:  You want to quit smoking and the old way wants to keep smoking.  You want to lose weight but the old way wants to eat whatever it wants.  You want to build stronger relationships but the old way wants to be selfish.  Anyways, I am going to stick to the weight loss/health journey. Continue reading ‘Just what is it that makes you re-start? This is a long one about getting back on track.’

24
Feb
09

My weight watchers week. Can’t wait ’till it’s over.

Caped MaxI have my weigh-in tonight.  Today is the last day of my WW week.  I am not really looking forward to my weigh-in like normal.  I am worried that I have gained back the few pounds that I have lost over the last 2-3 weeks.  I know I can lost it again, but it just will be a disappointment to gain it back.  Not the end of the world, but disappointing.  So I will go weigh-in and then head over to my sisters house to watch the Biggest Loser and eat dinner.  I will have 15 points saved up for my dinner after consuming my days worth of food.

I did not do that great again last night.  I guess I didn’t do bad, but it wasn’t optimal.  That’s ok though, tomorrow is the beginning of the new week and I can’t wait.  Monday and Tuesday are my days off from exercise so I did not do any  yet this week.  I am enjoying the needed rest break.  All those darn Oreo Cookies are gone now so I won’t have to worry about those kicking my butt in the days to come.  That will be nice not to have that one added temptation around.

All in all I am not happy with this week.  It is however, ONLY ONE WEEK in the grand scheme of things.  If I don’t die of some kind of accident, I should get at least around 2000 more weeks to get, stay, remain, etc. healthy.  If you look at it like that, if I had 2000 dollars and lost one of them, I suppose I would not be to upset about it.  Yeah, it is a dollar, but in the big picture.  Meh!!

23
Feb
09

I had a baaaaad weight loss, exercise, and health weekend!

image credit: files.blog-city.com

image credit: files.blog-city.com

I did not have a good weekend.  Make sure to take note of the progression from not so bad to ultra bad all because of my stinkin thinkin.  Sure, the good thing was that I was happy and had a wonderful time with my wife, but my food was baaaaaad!  My food adventure started out on Friday night.  On Friday night I went out to eat with my dad which was great but for the day I ate 73 WW points.   I counted all of these points up so I was doing pretty good at that point but I was on the verge of giving up on counting because I had to estimate a lot and I felt that I wasn’t perfect enough in my counting.

Saturday came along and I was excited because it was supposed to be my Saturday off.  I get most of every other Saturday off.  I just go into work to make sure all is well and then leave.  Well, this Saturday all was not well and three people were missing.  I had to stay at work.  I brought no lunch, no water, no nothin.  I was so pissed off about having to be at work I made excuses to be unhealthy.  I went and bought some chew and I ate off the lunch wagon at my lunch time.  Not only that, but I was a total grumpy face to everyone around me.  My lunch cost my 15 points so I decided I was just going to eat and chew all weekend and not care anymore.  Read on to discover the even darker side of the weekend. Continue reading ‘I had a baaaaad weight loss, exercise, and health weekend!’

21
Feb
09

More secret weight loss journey confessions added this morning. Come on come all!!

image credit:  media.arstechnica.com

image credit: media.arstechnica.com

 

 

UPDATED ON 2/21/2009:  THERE ARE NOW 67  LIBERATING SECRETS ON THE PAGE

Subscribe HERE for your own special secret updates!

Ok everyone.  The liberating page called Secret Confessions: Get Liberated!  is working out very well.  This is a special place to get those secrets about our journey that are sitting in the dark into the light so that we can  move towards health.  I really encourage you to use this page because it will help tremendously in difficult times.  There are specific instructions on how to leave an anonymous comment on the secret page itself.  Check it out

Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakens.

Carl Jung

21
Feb
09

I know what to do but…….. Rebelling against health

bob_marley_soul_rebel_white_shirt

Last week I had a full blown rebellion going on behind the scenes.  I pulled through with the help of a friend, but it was a close one.  I thought I would post the email I sent my friend so that you could experience my rebellion against health and weight watchers.  So here is the email. Continue reading ‘I know what to do but…….. Rebelling against health’

20
Feb
09

Good body day. Feelin’ skinny

Me JasonDo you ever have a good hair day? HAHAHA  What about a good body day?  Do you ever have those tiny moments where you see yourself and say, “Wow, I look pretty good today!!”  Today is one of those days for me.  I got out of bed this morning and walked to the bathroom to brush my teeth, low and behold the mirror was in full effect.

Usually I am like, “UGH”.  But today was a good body day.  A day were my body image probably matched up to reality.  I looked OK to myself.  I was really excited actually.  With the three pounds lost and 7 more to go, I am seeing a bit more abs in my mirror image.  My chest seemed to look less boobyish.  My arms looked just that little bit more defined.  Mostly though it was my stomach that made me feel good.  It just looked better and felt smaller.

I have the suspicion that this is how I usually look in the mirror and that the change was in my mind.  I am not saying that only in my mind did I look OK, what I am saying is that I only look BAD in my mind rather than in reality.  Weird body image issues which I am sure many of you can relate to. 

So I am feeling good mentally and physically today.  How are you?  Do you ever have those ‘Good body” days?