Posts Tagged ‘unhealthy eating

06
Jan
11

Weight watchers: if you blow it……..hold on cuz it might not be so bad

So yesterday I had a scare at work that basically through me (somewhat unknowingly) into myemotional eating persona. LOL.  It was stressful that’s for sure and the minute somebody asked me if I wanted some fast food I hoped right on that band wagon without a thought.  Then I felt guilty about it and ate a bunch of candy.  All in all I ate 91 WW points for the day.  It was a true blow up but I stopped it after the candy since I was actually pretty dang full of the yummy fatties.  I wasn’t going to count any of those points but today I decided it is what it is and I should count it.  I turned out that it was not such a horrible blow up after all.  Sure I emotionally ate which I don’t like to get into when I can help it but even after counting all 91 points I still have 13 weekly points left.  That was a huge relief and I could have enjoyed many more hours of “NON-GUILT” if I would have just counted it right away and known the truth.  So it was a good lesson RELEARNED!!!  If you blow it, just hold on, stop, and count the calories/points.  It is usually not as bad as you think it is.  It is the guilt that you let fester that kills you because you hop right back into that bad healthy cycle.

Today was a much better day for eating.  I also ran.  Yesterday I didn’t run because of the work emergency and the mass amount of food made me to full to run.  But I was back at it today.  It was a drizzling dark night tonight with heavy heavy fog.  The run was tough, I ran faster than I normally do and I just wasn’t in to it.  I didn’t enjoy it that much but sure was happy that I did it.  Here are a couple of pics from the run.

this is what my run looked like to me. it was actually pretty beautiful and neat

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19
Mar
10

Do you remember???????????????

This is my journal which contains every step of my journey over the last 6 months. It's got pictures, song lyrics, in-depth reviews of my own emotions, and lots and lots of processing. The small book on top is my newest WW book without any stickers.

Today I am choosing to REMEMBER!  On my way to work I stopped to get my morning coffee (which I am going to hopefully stop soon) and the powerful urge to get a donut or a pepperoni hit me.  I have developed some bad habits in hermitville.  But today I remembered why I started this health journey.  I remembered how it makes me feel to eat donuts on the way to work in my car all by myself so nobody sees.  I remembered how proud I was of myself when I was eating better, not perfect, but better.  So today’s motto is REMEMBER WHY!

Here is why I first started and continue on my journey.

  • I was starting to breathe hard just getting out of bed.
  • I had a very hard time to get my shoes on.
  • I felt like shit about myself because I was not living according to the way I really wanted to.
  • Being overweight was like being in an emotional tumble drying, my mind constant knocked me around about it.
  • I lived more secretively because I was afraid to be honest about my eating.
  • I was more afraid of rejection and that caused a lot of the secretiveness which in turned only caused weight gain.
  • I wanted to feel good about the way I was living.
  • I wanted to run a marathon someday.
  • I wanted to be fit and healthy so that normal activities would be WAY easier.

So those are the things I am rememering today.  What is it that brought you to the starting line of your own journey?  Are they all physical things like skinny jeans, small shirts, flat stomach, etc?  Or were some of them emotional and mental things that brought you to toe the line for the first time or possibly again?

There is no shame at trying again.  There is honor in it though.  EVERYBODY who succeeds has had to try again.  Mess ups happen, it might be a little easier to get back on track if you remember why you wanted to start this journey in the first place.

19
Feb
10

Point of inspiration and rememberance.

Had a horrible day the other day.  It was just killing me how I have been eating, how I see my body, how I see my running, how I see myself in general.  Basically, had a bad day because of my self talk and just feeling bad for myself and so unconfident.  But……..I got an email from a good friend.  My good friend did not know I was basically in the pit of self hatred that day, but he was sensitive to it.  I can’t even express the importance of that email to me.  The only way I can explain it’s impact on me is LIFE CHANGING.  The email did not have any information that I don’t already know.  It did not have any secret to success.  It was just a PERFECTLY timed picture of my story injected into my life.  Basically, the jist of it was that he was telling a group of people about my journey from the start of WW all the way to DNF’ing at 63 miles in the 100 and through to present.  You see, my friend knows my “situation” in my personal life.  He knows that what I have accomplished during these dark days is nothing small.  So his email was a reminder to me.

It is so easy to forget what I have done.  That I have really done amazing things even for a person who has not lost 130 lbs.  He described the faces, the emotions, and the tears of the listeners of the real life story.  And by reading this, I was completely filled with life again.  It was like I was encased in this bubble or dark room but when I read the email I was removed from that fog and put into reality again.  I was humbled by the achievements that I had done.  I was appreciative of all the people who have helped and supported me along the way.  I was thankful for just not giving up on my own dreams while others were giving up on me.  I have a hard time, REALLY HARD TIME, having confidence these last three or four months.  I have been broken and forgot the stength that I really do have.  The ability to overcome.  I still struggle so much with loving myself, and accepting my body, and taking myself for who I am.  But yesterday I started out a fresh.  I ate perfectly.  I exercised well.  I thought well of myself.  Maybe………….I can start my new life on good terms with myself and achieve what I want for myself.  I want to achieve a healthy self respect.

29
Jan
10

getting close but feeling fat

Ok, I have been eating off of WW and kind of out of control for a while now.  My situation has proved to be more powerful than I thought as far as emotional eating goes.  I have really been doing bad in this area and I have realized that my feelings about myself really good down hill when I am not being good to myself by being healthy in general.  This sucks.  BUT…………..I am getting my goals reorganzied, writing them down, and starting to get more focus again.  It is sooooo hard.  It is one thing to be focused on healthy when you are doing well but when you are feeling bad about yourself it is not so easy you know.  But I shall start up again.  What else can I do.

The race is very close now.  I will leave in less than a week and toe the line in exactly 8 days.  I am nervous much because of my weight gain since my situation broke out and my life turned upside down.  However, I won’t give up.  Sure, my life is upside down and all around, but it is time to regain some momentum for health and being good to myself.  I will need to lose some significant weight.  And I will need to be patient with this.  I am hoping that participating in this 100 mile race will reignite my fire for life and health and weight management.

06
Jan
10

Two constant temptations coupled with two victories

I have fallen many times to the kind and gentle calling of the pepperoni. Even at 4:30 in the morning.

As you all know I love donuts and kept away from them for about 2 years. Now they have weasled their way back into my life. Here they are at my favorite morning coffe stop.

These pics show you my morning view of the two most tempting items in the entire Circle K store.  I have a deep deep love-hate relationship with these two things.  They are so tasty but really not that tasty.  They are filling but don’t satisfy.  Etc. Etc. Etc.  I think I just buy ’em, eat ’em, regret ’em in a mindless way.  Which is often the way I and others eat junk food.  We all know they don’t make us feel good emotionally or physically but we still think they will make us happy before we scarf them down.

Anyway, I figured I would take pics of them instead of eating them today so I got my “one step”, “one choice” victory today.  So far so good.  I will keep on keeping on with this.  Happy I did not do it.  Funny thing is, these are the two things I thought of first thing when I woke up today.  “MMMMMMMMMMMMM.  What can I get at circle K???”  It is sick I know but it is authentic.  You always get authentic with me.

Two temptations for the day conquered.

Click here if you want to subscribe to follow my progress.  AGAIN! 🙂

03
Sep
09

It can happen! Take a step back and reassess.

reality-check-ahead-signIt can happen to anyone!  Falling into old habits even after losing and keeping 130 lbs off.  In fact, it is pretty easy to fall back into the old ways.  Why is this??  Well, the old ways are the old ways for a reason and they are old because I did them for so long.  Truth be told, the old ways work for what they are used for.  Oh yeah, you heard me.  THere is no denying that eating junk food makes me feel better at the moment I want to feel better.  There is no denying that it tastes wonderful like a party in my mouth.  I just want to shed the false belief that using food for comfort and security does not work.  It does work and if it did not work we would never use food to comfort ourselves.  However, there is a downside as there always is for self-medicating with potentially harmful stuff whether it be food, drugs, alcohol, sex, etc.  It brings guilt and shame and weight gain and bodily harm.

So at the practical and reality based advice of another great blogger on the journey, I took a step back to reassess my situation and take a reality check.  I took a step back to way the costs and rewards of my actions.  As  you know I have been on the wayward side of WW for a bit.  I am still right here at my WW goal weight but things have been getting increasingly unhealthy for me both mentally and physically.  Steve’s words yesterday hit me just how I needed it and brought about a major lifting of the veil over my eyes.  Now that he helped me see much more clearly, I am taking my reality check here on the blog.

What is my unhealthy eating doing for me?

Well, like I said, it is making me feel better about whatever I am feeling bad about for the moment.  This is true.  It is also making me feel worse in the long run and causing a great crop of negative thinking to sprout up.  Waying this cost is hard for me because I like the immediate benifit of feeling better and don’t particularly like the delayed gratification that denying myself the junk brings.  BUT, after long thought focused on Steve’s comment, the delayed gratification FAR OUT WEIGHS any other possible benifit that junk food can give.  So for today I feel strong and healthy and resolved with new passion for my health goals.

How is my fear of failure molding my situation?

I am scared to gain it all back.  Unfortunately, the way my little mind works is that when I fear failure I tend not to try as to make sure I don’t fail.  Now taking a step back on this one shows that this is crazy because it is self-fulfilling.  I am scared to fail so I fail on purpose and do the exact thing I am afraid of. HAHAHAHA  No more of this.  The reality in this is that I can’t fail if I just continue to do what I know how to do as far as healthy living goes.  It is a no-brainer really.  I know what to do and that is to keep my eyes on the prize, don’t let go of it, and then make nice little decisions throughout everyday to ensure a victory.  This is not easy at all because the fear is still there but the fear is not as powerful as the full life that can be lived in health.  Self-sabotage many call it.

My addictive side?????

My addictive side grabs hold of that which makes me feel better.  This side of me will barely let go of the medicine.  So when I eat two candy bars with wonderful peanut butter and sugar inside, I feel better for the moment, then my addictive side says, “Oh hell yeah that felt good.  What is wrong with wonderfulness.  Lets keep doing this.”  Contrary to much popular advice that I recieve here and away, small dabbles in such wonderfulness are not a livable scenario for me.  I am often told it is MORE of a lifestyle when I allow this stuff into my life as it is less rigid but I just can’t live that way.  I know myself and taking this reality check helps me to realize that abstinence is the best way to go for several foods in this world.

Negative thinking?

I can get seriously deep into some negative thinking about myself and my journey.  So negative in fact that I can completely forget a good thing that I just accomplished.  This is crazy but it is a reality so why should I deny myself the knowledge of the truth or the opportunity to talk about it.  I can pick out one negative thing out of a sea of positive.  It can be a beautiful day out but I will see a cloud the size of a man’s hand 100 miles away.  HAHAHAHA  I am going to work on this.  WW is not really that hard and it is certainly not impossible.  What is hard is staying on track while I am off track.  The contrary actions.  The lying to myself that I am doing it when I am not doing it.  What the hell!  If I am not doing it I am just going to say to myself I am not doing it and then get back on track.

07
Aug
09

What happened yesterday

SteakAs most of you know I was a little down in my mood yesterday.  I was worried that it would throw me off of my good string of WW days and kill the positive momentum that I was having.  Well, I did not do perfect but I think I still have a good chance of losing at the next WW weigh-in.  Here is everything I put into my mouth yesterday from morning until night.

 

 

 

 

 

Coffee

Cottage cheese

2 WW frozen dinners

Banana

Nectarine

Alternative bagel

WW cream cheese

Turkey

Popcorn

Fruit cup

Oatmeal Carrots

Hot dog

3 Tootsie pops (bad choice)

12 ounces of LEAN tenderloin (should have had less)

Veggies

2 hot dog buns

1 herbalife shake

All of this food added up to 51 points for the entire day.  I am not too entirely happy about the amount of points but it could have been FAR worse.  I dipped into my 35 weeklies and that is just fine.  So far since my weigh-in I have eaten

All my daily points

16 of my weekly flex points

I have earned 16 activity points

I plan to eat all of my weekly flex points and leave most of my activity points alone.  I will get a lot of AP’s this weekend as I will be running 46 miles.  This should give me around 50 AP’s.  I will eat some but certainly not most of them.  I would like to have around 30 AP’s left by next Wednesday’s weigh-in so that I can have at least one pounds worth of calorie deficit.

I am having serious doubts that I can lose the 15 pounds that I want to.  I don’t know why the switch in my mind got tripped and now I think it is hard to lose.  I have always thought it was hard to maintain but have also felt that losing was easy.  I hope all goes as planned.  I may not weigh-in on Wednesday since it will be after a marathon but I will definitely go to the meeting.