Posts Tagged ‘weight loss

31
Dec
10

Weight loss victory is a matter of perception sometimes.

Today I somehow made my way through the mass tangle of the internet into reading a list of the most expensive cars in the world.  It was pretty amazing that a $150,000.00 car didn’t even come close to making the list.  Below is a picture of one the most expensive cars in the world coming in at around $750,000.00 which oddly enough is about half the price of the most expensive cars.

A SSC Ultimate Aero-V (photo from wix.com)

This got me to thinking about the people who buy these.  To them, buying the 150 grand car is nothing and they could scoff at it.  And then to the person owning the 150 grand car would easily be able to get a 75 grand car.  And then a person from 75 to 50, and then 50, to 20, and so on all the way down to the person who thinks it is the best thing ever to have a 1985 oldmobile in good condition for $1500.00.  It is all a matter of perception. 

I think weight loss is the same way.  A person who has lost 500 lbs may think it is no big deal to have to lose 200 and so on.  Likewise, you can look at the “blow ups” on your journey in particular ways.  A person who gained all their weight back would wish they only gained half, and a person gaining half would wish for only a quarter.  And for me, TODAY, I realized that going way over my points could be looked at like a “blow up” but it really isn’t.  I still have SOME weekly points left.  If I had looked at going so far over as a huge failure I may have just said “EFF” it and started again on monday like we all have done a million times.  Today I chose to be excited that I was still on plan even while going over so much.  I chose to stay positive about it and realize it could have been much more “EXPENSIVE” points wise than it really was. 

I guess I was just reminded that we are all on a journey and no matter what mark we want to get to or what obstacles we face, we are all just people and our goals and hard times are important and real to us.

29
Dec
10

Hard day for me but eating and running went well

I had a sucky day at work emotionally.  Got pretty hurt, then offended, then it just turned to being pissed off.  Still a bit pissed off really but my run helped a ton and then coming home to play some “Call of Duty” on the XBOX with the family cherred me up also.

So it was a victorious day really because as easy as I could have eaten emotionally I did not medicate in that fashion.  I just tried to relax and laugh with the people at work that are more enjoyable.  I went over my points a bit but it was nothing to worry about since I have my 49 extra points per week.  I also gained 9 points running tonight so that helped.  I had a great run.  It was hard on the legs a bit but it was brisk and nice.  Here are two pics from the run.  It was neat because I took a pic of a group of cattle and when they saw me they all run up to the fence to get close because they were curious.

28
Dec
10

Food: First and foremost

I have learned a vast amount this year about my own weight loss journey and possibly about other people’s journey as well.  With all the running I did late 2009 and early 2010 you would think that gaining weight would be impossible.  This is far FAR from the truth.  For someone like me, who loves to eat and also tends to the emotional eating side of things, excise may not make up the difference.  For me, lots and lots of running may slow down the gaining but it will not prevent it.  What I have learned about how much food plays a part in the whole weight loss game is contrary to what I thought originally.  My gain occured steadily while running lots of miles as well as 30-40 mile long runs.  Yup, that’s right!!  I had months where I still steadily gained weight despite the fact that I was run 10 hours a week or so.  In fact, the many hours of running in a way decived me into thinking I did not have to watch what I ate as much, and then my eating remaining faulty even after I got burned out on running.  This just multiplied the weight gain effect.

So my conclusion is that no matter what exercise we do, what we put into our bodies via our mouth is the most important aspect of weight loss or gain.  I understand more now that it is possible to lose weight without exercising but eating VERY well but pretty much impossible to be really successful just leaning on burning calories through exercise.  In my WW meetings they always said that you could lose weight without the exercise even though it was not recommended and the loss would not be as rapid but I always kind of doubted it in the back of my mind.  I don’t doubt this anymore.  If my eating had stayed healthy, balanced, and monitored I never would have gained any weight back despite the amount I ran.  So I think food comes first.  It is the main-stay weapon in our arsenal in the weight loss battle.

27
Dec
10

Running pics

I plan to be taking more pics of my runs.  I got a new camera for Christmas and want to put it to good use for the blog.  I am sure some will be good and some not so good.  At the moment I am doing walking, walk/jog’s, personal training three times a week, and of course building up my long run.  I feel pretty bad about not being able to run as long as I used to but I am not going to let that stop me.  I ran 18 miles six weeks ago but went on vacation to hawaii and did not exercise at all.  So 18 miles is out of the picture for now and I don’t really care much.  I am just going to start slow and move forward in small steps just like I did when I could only run one mile.  I will keep the blog updated on my running and especially with any marathons I do.  I have done about 26 or so marathons.  I plan to get to 30 in 2011.  Here are the pics from tonights run.  It was a cold and rainy time with flooded streets.  It was exhilarating really.  Went out for 30 minutes and burned around 290 calories.

Cool street lamp so I thought I would take a pic

The cold rainy night gave all the light around a golden glow that intrigued me

Main street still decorated in christmas lights

13
Jul
10

My food until dinner time today

Here is my lunch for the day.  This is pretty much everything that I am going to eat from morning to evening.  I have already eaten my breakfast which was a protien shake with oatmeal in it.  It’s about 5 points on WW.  So I just threw this lunch together kind of because I woke up late and had no time to really make sure it was well balanced.  Here is what I got:

  • Two string cheeses-2 points
  • One nectarine- 1 point
  • One apple- 1 point
  • One yogurt- 2 points
  • One cup of spaghetti noodles- 4 points
  • 3 ounces of chicken in spaghetti sauce- 3 points
  • 3 ounces of potatoes with veggies- 1 point
  • Half a cup of lean ground beef- 4 points
  • Half a cup of rice-4 points
  • 100 calorie popcorn

That is 22 points total for my food I eat at work.  Counting my shake it would be 28 points.

I’m trying to get more organized with my food and exercise.  I hope to be able to be posting more now……………I have not been motivated to post much at all for a long time now.  It’s good for me to post as it helps me stay on track and give me motivation.

19
May
10

Very Tired but Happy Too!

Oh boy am I tired today.  I have been staying up pretty late but it has been well worth it.  So I am happy with it.  Lots of stuff has been happening of late and I really like it.  I hope to keep experiencing more and more of it.  On another note, I am totally seeing visible changes in my body when I look in the mirror.  Not huge ones but they are apparent so I feel good about it.  I am getting leaner and it seems to be working its way down from face to shoulders to arms but not to the stomach yet.HAHHAHAHA. That will come in time.  The resistance training is now cut back to two days a week becasue I just can’t do legs the way the trainer wants to and still keep my paces during my running since my legs are so tired.  Running is my first priority but I really like what the training is doing for me.  My eating is also doing well.  It’s not perfect and it probably never will be and I don’t even care if it is.  I have much more mercy on myself now.

Today I have a hard track workout.  It is supposed to be stormy, windy, and raining.  Fun huh!!!  I will be doing 20X400 meter repeats at my 5k pace.  I may not hit all the reps at that pace but will work my booty off to get it done.  These are always really hard workouts for me yet at the end I feel so good that I accomplished something hard.  Doesn’t it feel good when we accomplish something hard or difficult.  When I am done I will crumple into my truck seat and drive home feel exhausted yet exuberant about the achievement.  I will probably tell my friend and coach soon after that about the victory.  The cool this is, is that they will probably ask me how it went and to me that is special because someone cares enough to ask.  Knowing this, I also try to ask about what concerns the people I love and care for.  What they care about concerns me and what hurts them builds compassion in me.  Anyway, things are going well.  Keep on fighting the good fight of health guys.  It is so worth it.  So so worth it.  No need to give up, you CAN get to your place.

18
May
10

A special gift, a fast run, and losing 4 lbs.

Yesterday I was inspired by a VERY special person to keep on posting on the blog.  She reminded me that my journey was special and that I was special too.  I work a lot of hours and don’t spend a whole lot of time at home anymore.  After work yesterday when I got home, there was a special gift sitting on my front door step.  It was my favorite dessert in the world from Elephants Delicatessen: The infamous ding dong cake.  I could not find a picture of it and it would probably make the strongest of  you fall of the wagon anyway. LOL.  It was just sitting there and enclosed within the bag was a magnificent letter of encouragement.  It made my day and it offered my up a fabulous post run meal.  🙂  Thanks special person!

Once I got over the intense pleasure of receiving a wonderful gift I started to prepare for my run.  Well, after some thank you’s and a 5 minute nap.  I woke up refreshed and looking forward to a good run.  I had 7 miles a goal marathon pace which is about 7:30 minute miles.  I knew it was going to be hard but I was not afraid of that.  I was not afraid of failing in this run.  I took a step out the front door to experience what ever the run would lead me too.  I reached into my running jacket pocket to commence Breaking Benjamin on my Ipod.  As the song Anthem of Angels flooded my ears I began my run halfway down my driveway.  My neighborhood road is exactly .5 mile to the main road I venture out on.  There is a hill just before the main road and I was tired already.  I did not hesitate to walk about 50 feet because I knew I had to run a fast run and walking that short distance would not hurt me.  I was already breathing hard but kept at it.  I got to the main road and settled into my pace.  I ran and ran and ran and listened and listened.  Much emotion was built into this run and it carried me a good distance.  After 3 miles I finally got into my zone and the running felt easier which is odd because usually it takes me a good hour to kick into smooth running.  Step by step, minute after minute, mile after mile………..I made my way back home averaging a pace of 7:29 just like the clock in the pic.  It was a hard run and it was a succesful run.  I am just getting back into running goal paced runs more regularly since the 100 mile attempt last February.  It feels good and I am looking forward to growing in running again. 

I also lost 4 lbs last week.  My workouts with the trainer are going well and I can see changes in my body already.  I will have to lay off the legs though so I will probably be cutting the training down to twice a week really hard without the third day for legs.  I’m STILL keeping on keeping on.

A word for my fellow journy-people:

Sometimes life is smooth sailing.  The trail you are running is clear without obstruction.  You feel good, you are succeeding, you are winning the good fight.  Then comes a steep steep hill.  This hill comes out of nowhere and it scares the crap out of you.  You have no idea how you can make it up such a steep climb and you don’t understand how such a huge obstacle could just appear right in the middle of your smooth sailing  journey.  ITS OK!!!  You will keep at it.  Taking one step at a time climbing higher and higher until you reach the top but it will be hard and that’s ok too.  There may be plateaus mid-hill.  You maybe be able to rest for a moment only realizing you are not at the top and that the weight you carry is just too much to carry on.  There is hope in this hill.  You will learn yourself, you will change, you will become the person you dream of.  You’ll be able to start again up this hill.  And the higher you climb the more the hope that was lost will be begin to build up again.  There is hope, there is victory!

06
May
10

I’m hoping for the best!

Since I am working out using resistance training, I am hoping that it will make a difference in my journey to lose the weight I have gained.  So far I have not experienced much of a difference but I have not been eating that great either.  Eating is more than 60%+ of the battle if you ask me.  I mean heck, you can lose the weight without exercising if you have too.  I want to retain and even gain some muscle but also want to be as light as I can for the running.  I don’t really want the concentration camp look but I would like to make my running as easy and as effecient as possible.  So all in all I am hoping to shred the fat off my body, get down to a pretty low body fat %, and build up my running speed and endurance.  I think that this is all feasable but I am having a hard time being patient.  I think the fact that I know what it is like to be where I want to be makes it hard to except the fact that I am where I don’t want to be.  But I will make it to where I am going.  I will keep on keeping on.

05
May
10

Eating, running, and weight watchers???

Like the homing pigeons above, I need to come home.  I AM GOING TO GO HOME.  I am headed back to weight watchers again tomorrow.  I will admit, I have a sense of shame about going back.  Not because of the weight I have gained or anything like that.  I feel “worthy” of going back but what I feel bad about is stopping my meetings in the first place.  I love them you know.  I care about the people there and they care about me.  There is no reason but full on self-deception that has caused me to stay away.  So today I will make a grand entrance at my “home” once again.  I will go there head high and weigh in.  To be honest, even as I write this I am telling myself that I should not go back.  That I should just stay away and forget about it.  But that is my unhealthy side talking.  I know what works for me.  I know what I like to do for my body.  I have listened and listened and listened to my body for so long now there is really no arguing with what works for me and WW works.  And in fact, it works for an endurance athlete as well.  I have made WW work for ultras and marathons.  It will do the job.  I say “it” but really it is just eating healthy and eating the correct amount of calories.  “It” is like any other normal eating program.  The only difference from what I am doing now is that IT IS NORMAL. LOL. 

I am going to start training hard again with my running and on top of that I will be doing three days a week of resistance training.  I long for this.  I am in recovery from the Strolling Jim at the moment but I will be back hard at it soon enough.  I yearn for the self exploration that it all brings, and the self revelation that I experience.  I can’t wait for the sense of accomplishment DAILY knowing that I am doing the RIGHT thing for my body.  The right thing for my life.  I never would have guessed that running would have become such a part of my life.  I never would have dreamed that I would write a post about my third year of long distance running and that I completed my 22nd long race.  I don’t say this stuff to be arrogant and I hope you don’t see it that way.  As I write I am even humbled by the process.  The process of step by step growth.  The process of learning what and what not to do while running.  I am humbled that I can even call myself a runner and to be honest at this point in my running life I still sometimes don’t think I am a REAL runner.  Now that is crazy because a REAL runner is just a normal person who runs, jogs, walk/jogs, etc.  There is no distance that makes you a runner.  There is no magic number of races that changes your identity to be someone else so that you can finally be a REAL runner.  There is no days per week that you must run to be REAL.  All you have to do is get out there and do it.  Fast or slow, smooth or uncordinated, natural or unnatural.  So I am going to get out there and do some more running becasue I want to.  I don’t have to.  I am the same person with the same worth and the same integrity if I do or don’t.  But I want to run, and I want to experience all that it has to offer me in this short life.

05
May
10

Running through it

Over the last several months I have not done a whole lot of being consistant.  I have had a very hard time getting my life back together enough so that I can once again stick to a “normal” schedule of daily operations.  At least this is what I have thought……………………….but I have had a stroke of insight today.  I have not been doing ALL BAD!  So I will look on the bright side of things.  I have developed and implemented a new system at my work place that will change it forever and for the better.  I have followed my dreams of training for, and finally attempting to run 100 miles.  I have continued to eat ok enough not to gain ALL my weight back.  I have held it together in many ways but it still does not take away the fact that it has been really really hard.  And the hard stuff is not over yet either.  Sometimes I feel it is only getting harder.  But one thing I know for sure is that I have been running through it all.  It is the constant (other than God) that stands firmly in place.  Well, not always firmly but I have not let go of it.  I have cut back, gone hard, eased off, etc. etc.  But I have not turned my back on running.  I have pretty much stayed with at least two days a week of running.  My come back races were 32 and 41 miles. 

This tiny piece of consistancy, with which coach dean has helped tremendously, has helped me piece things together.  It has helped me have a foundation to build off of again.  I am back to exercising with cross-training.  I am excited once again about my running goals.  I am looking forward to doing more running in the very near future and Coach Dean will help me attain physically what I want to attain emotionally as a way for me to set a foundation for all that is to come.  I have to start somewhere.  Heck, I have already started long ago, but I have finally realized I cannot do this all at once.  I cannot go at this with an all or nothing approach like I normally can.  i just don’t have the mental nor emotional energy to do so.  So it will go step by step but I will keep on keeping on.  I will run, I will eat, I will workout, I will talk things out with people I trust, I will remember my blessings and……………………………………..things will become what I desire them to be.  I have learned a lot about being patient with myself and that has been hard.  But I am glad I have learned it.  VERY GLAD.

20
Mar
10

Still running.

I did 5 miles today.  My legs are having a hard time recovering from my last two long runs.  One was 63 that you all know about and the other was 25 last weekend.  My legs felt pretty good in the 25 miler but the runs this week were damn hard.  My legs felt like lead and they felt like that were straight all the time stiff like.  But I am still out there.  I am still going for it.  I am still in great shape.  It was a beautiful day this morning during my run.  The sun was in full effect, motorcycles were out enjoying the warmth, people were dressed in slightly warm weather clothes.   I saw each of them as I tromped on by them as I took one smooth step after the other.  The air was refreshing and crisp.  I listened to Mariachi music for the whole run which put a romantic touch to the time outside.  So although my legs are mourning the abuse for a bit, it was an extrememly great experience to have on this wonderful day

19
Mar
10

Do you remember???????????????

This is my journal which contains every step of my journey over the last 6 months. It's got pictures, song lyrics, in-depth reviews of my own emotions, and lots and lots of processing. The small book on top is my newest WW book without any stickers.

Today I am choosing to REMEMBER!  On my way to work I stopped to get my morning coffee (which I am going to hopefully stop soon) and the powerful urge to get a donut or a pepperoni hit me.  I have developed some bad habits in hermitville.  But today I remembered why I started this health journey.  I remembered how it makes me feel to eat donuts on the way to work in my car all by myself so nobody sees.  I remembered how proud I was of myself when I was eating better, not perfect, but better.  So today’s motto is REMEMBER WHY!

Here is why I first started and continue on my journey.

  • I was starting to breathe hard just getting out of bed.
  • I had a very hard time to get my shoes on.
  • I felt like shit about myself because I was not living according to the way I really wanted to.
  • Being overweight was like being in an emotional tumble drying, my mind constant knocked me around about it.
  • I lived more secretively because I was afraid to be honest about my eating.
  • I was more afraid of rejection and that caused a lot of the secretiveness which in turned only caused weight gain.
  • I wanted to feel good about the way I was living.
  • I wanted to run a marathon someday.
  • I wanted to be fit and healthy so that normal activities would be WAY easier.

So those are the things I am rememering today.  What is it that brought you to the starting line of your own journey?  Are they all physical things like skinny jeans, small shirts, flat stomach, etc?  Or were some of them emotional and mental things that brought you to toe the line for the first time or possibly again?

There is no shame at trying again.  There is honor in it though.  EVERYBODY who succeeds has had to try again.  Mess ups happen, it might be a little easier to get back on track if you remember why you wanted to start this journey in the first place.

19
Feb
10

Point of inspiration and rememberance.

Had a horrible day the other day.  It was just killing me how I have been eating, how I see my body, how I see my running, how I see myself in general.  Basically, had a bad day because of my self talk and just feeling bad for myself and so unconfident.  But……..I got an email from a good friend.  My good friend did not know I was basically in the pit of self hatred that day, but he was sensitive to it.  I can’t even express the importance of that email to me.  The only way I can explain it’s impact on me is LIFE CHANGING.  The email did not have any information that I don’t already know.  It did not have any secret to success.  It was just a PERFECTLY timed picture of my story injected into my life.  Basically, the jist of it was that he was telling a group of people about my journey from the start of WW all the way to DNF’ing at 63 miles in the 100 and through to present.  You see, my friend knows my “situation” in my personal life.  He knows that what I have accomplished during these dark days is nothing small.  So his email was a reminder to me.

It is so easy to forget what I have done.  That I have really done amazing things even for a person who has not lost 130 lbs.  He described the faces, the emotions, and the tears of the listeners of the real life story.  And by reading this, I was completely filled with life again.  It was like I was encased in this bubble or dark room but when I read the email I was removed from that fog and put into reality again.  I was humbled by the achievements that I had done.  I was appreciative of all the people who have helped and supported me along the way.  I was thankful for just not giving up on my own dreams while others were giving up on me.  I have a hard time, REALLY HARD TIME, having confidence these last three or four months.  I have been broken and forgot the stength that I really do have.  The ability to overcome.  I still struggle so much with loving myself, and accepting my body, and taking myself for who I am.  But yesterday I started out a fresh.  I ate perfectly.  I exercised well.  I thought well of myself.  Maybe………….I can start my new life on good terms with myself and achieve what I want for myself.  I want to achieve a healthy self respect.

01
Feb
10

All set with my food

I finally went grocery shopping.  I have not been but once or twice in two or three months.  I have just been having a heck of a time in life but I finally went.  I got what I needed to stay on track until the race and plan to keep on track after the race.  I am looking forward with much anticipation for being more healthy and being more kind to myself in the future.  I will lose the weight I gained, regain some of the confidence that has been destroyed, and build myself back up.  The world has so much to offer and I will take it in.  All that life has to offer both good and bad.

I feel pretty ok today.  So proud of “starting over”.  I have developed a lot of bad habits again but they can be broken just like they were before.  It is an emergency and at the same time not an emergency.  No reason to panic.  No reason to give up.  Just a bump on the road that brings about the need to reconsider and adjust goals.  All is well.

29
Jan
10

getting close but feeling fat

Ok, I have been eating off of WW and kind of out of control for a while now.  My situation has proved to be more powerful than I thought as far as emotional eating goes.  I have really been doing bad in this area and I have realized that my feelings about myself really good down hill when I am not being good to myself by being healthy in general.  This sucks.  BUT…………..I am getting my goals reorganzied, writing them down, and starting to get more focus again.  It is sooooo hard.  It is one thing to be focused on healthy when you are doing well but when you are feeling bad about yourself it is not so easy you know.  But I shall start up again.  What else can I do.

The race is very close now.  I will leave in less than a week and toe the line in exactly 8 days.  I am nervous much because of my weight gain since my situation broke out and my life turned upside down.  However, I won’t give up.  Sure, my life is upside down and all around, but it is time to regain some momentum for health and being good to myself.  I will need to lose some significant weight.  And I will need to be patient with this.  I am hoping that participating in this 100 mile race will reignite my fire for life and health and weight management.

13
Jan
10

Weight Watchers Weigh-In. A life of persistence.

Wow!!  That is all I have to say sometimes.  The journey of life, let alone weight loss and maintenance, can be an eventful one for sure.   So I have not been to WW for two months now.  Basically, since my situation has been going on I have felt soooo bad about going to my WW meeting for some reason.  Just didn’t want to face my leader or my fellow souls on the journey.  But……..I finally did.  I went to my damn WW meeting despite my feelings, hurt, weight gain, fear, etc.  That is what I have to do right.  I discovered tonight that a journey, which could be more important than the result, take much persistence.  I will talk more about that in a sec.

So I went to my WW meeting even though I had fear but I was warmly welcomed by all.  My wonderful leader hugged me happily, talked with me and comforted me greatly regarding what I am going through.  I talked with people.  Shared my journey again from 12 minutes of exercise three times a week to becoming an ultra-marathoner.  I admit that the praise and love and kindness felt soooooooooooooooooo good.  It was so nice to be with like minded people who feel the way I do on so many different levels.  Although they don’t know my deep inside stuff, I knew that they had  theirs inside themselves, and that was quite possible the reason they and I were there.  To be with others who love and hate food.  With others who want something better out of life, something more enjoyable.  I was a wonderfully refreshing time for me and that alone will keep me going back.  I had forgotten how good those people were over my two months leave of absence.  So what was the result of my two month journey of depression, binge eating, emotional eating, and crying.  HAHAHAHA  Despite loads of pepperoni, donuts, candy, and other junk; I only gained about .5 lbs.  The great thing is that I am still lifetime member there at WW.  I am still within my range.  WOW!  Never would have guessed that that would happen.  I was relieved be there again.

Now to the lesson learned.  I can get real down on myself, life, work, and everything really.  AND I MEAN REALLY DOWN.  But, I never gave up.  If I binged on AM/PM hamburgers and candy at night, well gosh dang it I tried like a son-of-a-gun to do good the next morning.  Then at lunch.  Then at break time.  Etc. Etc Etc.  Even though I was soooo freaking tired emotionally I still kept at my running.  I still kept at my goals.  I never let them out of my sight even for a day.  I say day because I let them out of my sight for many moments. HAHAHA  But not all day.  I still got out of bed and went to work to be a productive human being.  I still took out the garbage, talked with my mom and sisters, I have been talking more with others being more social, and never gave up.  Even when I was hating my body and feeling like crap, I kept telling myself it is not over.  It is not even a big deal.  It is just part of all of this journey that I am on in life.  Just part of it.  I didn’t have to feel guilt about it, or worthless, I just needed to remember that it was all just part of life.  Life happens you know.  You can’t control it all.  So to my word of the night: PERSISTENCE.  That is right.  Just persisting the best I could at the things that I CAN do.  I could do perfect.  I was to damn tired and hurt and feeling low.  But kept at the things that I could do for that time in my life.  I didn’t just give up because I couldn’t be perfect at WW or whatever.  So my lesson is that even though life happens, we mess up, things go wrong, and it all seems impossible to get back on track; just keep doing what I CAN do.

07
Jan
10

Totally bummed but keeping on.

Shooting very sharp pain stabbed me right in the mid-left back last night during my run.  I was kicking butt on my 6 mile speed work run but at the 3.5 mile mark I was stopped dead in my tracks.   I had to walk home.  I think it was a cramp or something.  Not an injury I don’t think.  I felt so out of shape and fat and discouraged after that.  I normally don’t have two runs that I cannot complete in the same week time frame but this week I did.   Me long run of 35 miles last Sunday was not completed nor was my full 6 miler.  This is ok in the long run of my journey but it still stings the esteem a bit.

I also had this horrible dream about the 100 miler that I will be doing.  I scared the heck out of my.  I think a nice dream about the end of the world or some evil thing chasing me would have been better.  In my dream I started out at an 8 min. pace for the first ten miles.  Got totally exhausted, fell asleep in some thatch roofed hut, got up to finish the race and collapsed at the 30 mile mark.  Woke up feeling like poooo after that.

I move on from all of this though.  Keeping things in perspective helps.  I can run 20 miles without any soreness or hardship.  Even 40 miles is not so bad anymore.  I am actually in good shape even if my feable mind can’t see it for the time being.  My eating is improving a lot.  I also discovered AGAIN that eating in my truck is VERY VERY EVIL.  HAHAHAHA  Can’t do it and be successful.  “Auto” eating is not good for me.

06
Jan
10

Two constant temptations coupled with two victories

I have fallen many times to the kind and gentle calling of the pepperoni. Even at 4:30 in the morning.

As you all know I love donuts and kept away from them for about 2 years. Now they have weasled their way back into my life. Here they are at my favorite morning coffe stop.

These pics show you my morning view of the two most tempting items in the entire Circle K store.  I have a deep deep love-hate relationship with these two things.  They are so tasty but really not that tasty.  They are filling but don’t satisfy.  Etc. Etc. Etc.  I think I just buy ’em, eat ’em, regret ’em in a mindless way.  Which is often the way I and others eat junk food.  We all know they don’t make us feel good emotionally or physically but we still think they will make us happy before we scarf them down.

Anyway, I figured I would take pics of them instead of eating them today so I got my “one step”, “one choice” victory today.  So far so good.  I will keep on keeping on with this.  Happy I did not do it.  Funny thing is, these are the two things I thought of first thing when I woke up today.  “MMMMMMMMMMMMM.  What can I get at circle K???”  It is sick I know but it is authentic.  You always get authentic with me.

Two temptations for the day conquered.

Click here if you want to subscribe to follow my progress.  AGAIN! 🙂

05
Jan
10

It is a freaking war over here. Take the poll too!

I feel like it would take this many people pulling for me to freaking eat good on WW for just one full damn day

I am at a loss right now for eating.  As you know, I can do running.  I can do goal setting.  I can do a lot of stuff but right now I am having the hardest time eating well.  Eating well is the most essential part of the weight loss and maintenance journey other than internal healing of self.  Without proper eating, I could gain all my weight back while still running and eventually running would end.  I am scared right now about this guys.  I have not been in this place since I was never on WW.  I have not given up hope though.  We all fight out fight but hearing you guys talk about your stuff on your blogs, I get courage from it.  I need you guys now.  I can’t do this alone.  I need some building up.  I know I get a lot of it already but this is a special time for me.  A VERY SPECIAL TIME.  A time like non other.  I am going to make it even if I do all bruised up and scratched.

So here is some truth for ya!  I weighed 211 when I went to Hawaii.  I weighed 207 the day after I got back.  I have not weighed since then because I am scared to death of it and it doesn’t even matter how much I weigh if I am not eating healthily.  I want to be in the 180’s and I won’t be able to get there before my 100 miler.  This was my goal but with all the Sh– that is going on I have been eating my emotions you know.  Here is what I am going to do.  I want to tell you all for the tiny bit of accountability that it is.  Usually you all forget after a while. hahaha  So I get to slip by.  Like quitting chewing.  Remember that one like a year ago, and then 6 months ago, and then a couple of months ago.  HAHAHAHA  I have quit now though.  12 days today.  No chew.  Here is what I want to do about this:

  • Take one moment at a time.  Bring it back to basics.  Make ONE GOOD HEALTH DECISION at a time
  • Keep my running program up to train properly for the 100 miler which is in 32 days.  It is not easy training for this type of race under this kind of emotional trauma, but I am convinced I will conquer.
  • Go grocery shopping for all necessary food to keep me going.
  • Blog more about my food, weight, and health struggles.  Get my mind focused
  • Go back to WW now that I am not so damn depressed.
  • Take every tiny freaking bit of encouragement you guys can give. 🙂
  • NEVER, and I mean NEVER give up.  One step, keeping on keeping on, I WILL MAKE IT DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is my motivational pic for the moment. I am a hardcore athlete and I can get back into the shape I want to be in. I will win and live this battle.

.

15
Sep
09

Emotions got the best of me

emotional-eatingYesterday I let my emotions get the best of me as far as eating goes.  I did not really eat a bunch of junk food like pepperoni or candy but I did eat a lot of stuff high in points.  My wife even mentioned it and that kind of made me want to eat more actually.  Mainly I ate croissants.  Four of them actually.  With ham and cheese. 

That was yesterday though and today is a different day.  Can’t do much about yesterday can I.  Can’t change a darn thing.  However, today will become yesterday pretty soon so I better make the changes now so that I won’t have to want to make changes to my yesterday again.    Sounds funny and circular, but it is true. 

My legs are a bit sore today but not to bad at all.  I will do an easy run on Wednesday to start out this weeks exercise.  Not particularly looking forward to it at the  moment.  Feels good to rest for a bit.  I bet though, that by tomorrow I will be ready to role again.